Stable Health Topped with Tiny Miracles

I got up this morning fully prepared to attend mass, meet with Father Leo for bi-monthly spiritual counselling then home to write today's post.  Ah, but as they say, 'If you want to make God laugh, just make plans.'  True enough today, once home from church I was sidelined by phone calls and visits, leaving my highest priority to the end of the day! It's perhaps one of the downfalls of retirement, not having a structured daily routine to help channel my energy and focus.  Of late, I find myself starting any number of activities, only to set them aside midway to start yet another great idea or interesting task.

My overall health remains relatively stable, to the point someone commented in a caring way a couple of days ago, how well I've been 'fighting the battle', asking if I was in remission.  They were surprised by my response when I said I choose not to go into battle as I really hate conflict and don't want to fight.

First of all, no I'm not in remission, and in fact am deemed 'medically incurable'.  Second, I've accepted the cancer cells as having declared squatter's rights in my liver.   I'm grateful they have not overtaken the life giving functions it performs on a daily basis.   They have been cooperative since last May, and will, God willing, remain docile.   For a long while I wondered, if there was a mass of 10 x 15 cm x 9 cm., in my abdomen,  why I couldn't feel anything.   Perhaps, and the only answer I could come up with was it was buried in the massive weight gain.

Lately many people have remarked on how well I look now that I've lost 52 of the 80 pounds of medical weight gain.  It's a year since coming off the medication giving my body a chance to regain some of its former identity.   Aha, but now when I lay in bed,  and gently prod my midsection, there is a distinct difference from anything I've felt before.  Sure enough, the doctor confirmed as much last month after the ultrasound confirmed no progression of disease.   There is a sense of pressure on various organs such as my stomach, lungs, spleen and maybe others I can't even think of, along with any number of veins and nerves.  One may question why the doctors can't just go in and remove the mass, well it's just not that simple and the cons can outweigh the pros of considering such a procedure.  Without going into details, I've accepted surgery is not an option and am prepared to consider alternatives to managing my health.

Last week included a follow up mammogram after the routine exam in August revealed a 9 mm suspicious looking something or other.  Given the literal dimensions of my other medical issues,  I decided my precious energy was not going to be spent on a 9 mm, 'we're not sure what'.  As it turned out, the phone call came yesterday giving the all clear to go back to regular two year testing.  I tucked the news into my 'daily miracle folder' which is growing in relation to my faith and trust along with willingness to see God in all things.

Given the pace by which my life has slowed down, I have the time and space to observe some of the little things that, in the past, simply flashed by in a blur of activity.  Noticing these things is almost like watching a flower bloom in slow motion, gently opening up of its own accord, or a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly without need of prying hands to help it along.  Can it be that 'Little Miss Force It' (one of Mike's nicknames for me) is actually transforming into 'Little Miss Wonder' at how life can unfold so easily by simply being open and available to help coming our way?

Here are a few examples of how simple it gets and yet, how much joy comes to my heart from God's tiny daily miracles.

Last April, yes almost a year ago, I took photos of an 'ancient' nun - that's how they often refer to themselves and promised to send them to her.  Just recently,  prints in hand, ready to mail but alas, her name escaped me. Aha, a simple phone call to my dear friend Sister P.A. will rescue me from embarrassment.  I walked in the door after mass to hear Mike on the phone, only to say it was none other than Sister P.A. checking in and checking up. Name obtained.  Thank You God.

Over the last while a couple of issues have come up with my CPAP gear; that's the equipment I use to keep me breathing at night. Mental note made to call and make an appointment.   In the midst of 'clutter puttering', crossing off cryptic notes on GOOS paper (good on one side), I turned it over to find a flyer from the CPAP folks with their phone number in my hand. Call and appointment made.  Thank You God.

At a new weekly program at church small groups were colour coded.  Being a 'matchy matchy' person by nature, and host of the yellow group meant I needed to find a yellow top.  Ya, ya, cheesy but fun for me.  As Mike and I were waltzing the aisles of Costco, a regular stop in the ladies clothing section revealed - you got it, a yellow top.  Too funny.  And yes, many fun comments were made about the top matching the tablecloths, flowers, napkins and candy.  Thank You God.

Yesterday on our way out the door to Ash Wednesday Mass, Mike mentioned he wanted to stop at the funeral home.  No problem, we both know this couple.  A wonderful book highlighting the life of the deceased, was reviewed for us by our friend.  As he turned the pages, it occurred to me, this is exactly what I've had in mind in terms of photo books for family members.  No wonder it hadn't come together before now despite numerous attempts and failures.  Feeling compelled to acknowledge her gift of creating the memorial for her Dad, she responded by excitedly offering to get together to work on books together.  Now this is a true prayer answered.  Thank You God.

The photo books are one of three major projects or goals I'd like to accomplish while my health remains stable.  The others, while also works in progress, are somehow less pressing than creating a family history as complete as possible, to pass on.  This stage of life and health brings into much sharper focus the importance of family and consideration of how we will leave stories told rather than untold, lives lived and challenges overcome.  To leave for future generations, a glimmer of where and who they came from.

As we enter the season of Lent as Christians, it is a time of reflection to honour God through actions and acts of selfless service to others.  As a younger person, I remember feeling extremely self conscious to spend the day with ashes smeared on my forehead without truly understanding the symbolism.  Yesterday was very different, especially given today's global state of affairs.  The response was surprisingly supportive as we commented that, in this country, we get to walk around with ashes on our forehead.  As I make the effort to spend the next 40 days in prayer, fasting and giving to others, it's a time to consider my own relationship with God and how it plays out in my daily life.  

The last while has been a time of relative calm, living life to the fullest and enjoying time with family and friends.  I look forward to many more such times......

Take care and God Bless,
Hugs
Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."