Roller Coasters in Rabbit Holes?

Here I sit on this leap day 2016 looking out the window at the plethora of birds spying around the deck of our next door neighbours who, with daring regularity, put out birdseed and other delicacies for the birds and squirrels, yes squirrels to dine on throughout the winter months.

 The neighbours' deck rather than our own is where we'd prefer to see squirrels become familiar with local surroundings.  With Mike working outside regularly repairing the infrastructure of Ma Bell, he sees firsthand the absolute destruction that can be wreaked by these furry tailed creatures of God.

The best part for me is how many blue jays have made this little piece of earth their winter resort, like a ski chalet on a gorgeous sunny but cold day.  The symbolism of seeing blue jays is directly related to my Dad who passed away in October 2004.  His long time saying was 'I may not have caught my bluebird in life but I've certainly seen it many times.'  The reason for including blue jays in that image is a huge bird in our backyard just after Dad passed away.  I like to think when I see one and especially when they hang around, that my Dad is close by watching over us.

Occasionally I get a 'thought drop' which I can only describe as a thought that simply drops into my mind out of seemingly nowhere.  These often come with the sighting of those squawking blue neighbours.

A roller coaster inside a rabbit hole is a pretty good description of the last couple of weeks in my medical adventures.  On February 17th I had a message from my oncologist that she had taken my case to 'conference' where the medical team congregate to discuss individual cases and plan next steps.  After the ultrasound experience, there were team members who weren't totally convinced that the mass in my liver was all tumour.  Ok, well rather than a free fall, seems like we may have a brief reprieve from the downward slide.

 The decision was to do another cat scan, take the results to the next weekly conference and from there, collectively develop the plan.

On Monday February 11th off I went to another imaging experience, not an image makeover, although a makeover would be a more satisfying and pampering activity.  Hey, maybe I could just pretend that as I slide in and out of the tubular piece of high tech equipment, that the radiation was magically removing wrinkles and pulling in those sagging spots!  Good visual to remember for another time!

My case went to conference the next morning and included all physicians of the gyney oncology team, the team nurse, a radiation oncologist and a chemo consultant.  I had a 3 p.m. appointment that day to review the results and confirm a plan.  My doc came in with the team nurse and I somehow sensed the outcome even before we began.  Maybe because it wasn't as upbeat and humorous as in the past.

The stage was set for a realistic, more serious discussion hence we all donned our dramatic demeanours rather than that of slapstick comedy.

To this point we'd gone from mass but no tumour to all tumour, growing rapidly, now to maybe not all tumour but still a concern.  One wondered if it was less serious than originally thought regarding the presence of a tumour.  That being it may have started that way, but with the blood thinners, the possibility still exists that the mass was bled into from a possible leak from one vein or another.  What continues to be unknown is how much might be tumour and how much simply a 'dead black hole' rather than being out in the universe was existing in the midst of my abdomen.  It's quite possible that the darkest portion of the invader is the remnants of cancer cells mixed with old blood that has had its supply cut off.

On reviewing an image of the liver landscape, we could clearly see the black hole being referred to along with a lighter area and then a surrounding layer of what one could describe as light fluffy clouds.  It's those clouds that are important as it's believed that they may be the source of the spreading inclement weather pattern.

While some of the smaller lesions, the original culprits that were being treated by the 'Maggie Meds' have shrunk, something has changed to cause this latest intruder to take up space like a squatter in an open field.   By the way, Maggie has now been fully retired, which, on the upside, could be good news as we watch to see if she takes her leave and takes some of her weight with her.  If nothing else, my appetite should shrink which in turn could help drop some of these excess pounds.

It has been decided that I will go back on chemo with smaller weekly treatments rather than a larger monthly dose.  Because it's secreted through the liver, there's no need to assault it further in this seeming galactic battle.  I'm waiting for a call to go in and sign the necessary paperwork possibly as early as tomorrow and then have the first treatment Wednesday.  It's a drug that I've had before and tolerated well.

The psychological trauma of losing my hair is no longer a looming nightmare; my wig remains clean, protected and ready for action whenever called upon for active duty.

The protocol will be once a week for three weeks then a week off.  After three cycles of three weeks, a further review including a scan as needed will be done to determine the chemo's effectiveness.  We learned of another whole grading scheme around tumours based on their growth patterns which dictates the potential effectiveness of the treatments.  I've decided though, not to go through a lengthy explanation of that dimension at this time.  Suffice it to say, one of the concerns, which is hard to believe, is that my cells may need to be faster growing to respond well to the chemo.  We are going to take the approach that our latest intruder is doing exactly that and will respond accordingly.  Hey, it might be opportune to give it a name.  For whatever reason I think this time it should have a 'male' name or maybe even gender neutral.

As you're reading this you may be wondering, you may even be experiencing a niggling bit of anxiety about the length of time it's taking to get things moving and underway in our next course of treatment.  I understand if you're not, being an objective observer, but I have been and so maybe I'm just projecting my discomfort on as a protective mechanism.  Here is the calming antidote, once heard, makes much sense and chases the bats out of the belfry so to speak.  I've been advised that even if the decision was made much earlier, treatment using chemotherapy would not have started two months ago when this situation first came to light.  The reason?  I'm not sick enough.  The backup to that is, we are all on the same side in terms of long range future which is, that what I have now is not medically curable.

 That means they are not going to jump all over everything in an effort to stomp out some imaginary fire.  No, we are taking a much more controlled approach that has a broader view of providing quality of life, reducing symptoms and taking the necessary actions to prolong my life as much as possible.  In other words they are not going to medicate me with something that can make me feel worse than I feel without the medication.  What surprises even me is that the longer this goes on, the more accustomed I become to the concept and little by little, am accepting of whatever is to come.  Until now I have been so blessed to be asymptomatic which I touched on in my last post, meaning very little in the way of major impediments of daily living albeit, daily living meaning a far less active and involved life style.  Reduction of energy, mental capacity and ability to cope with stress are all very obvious changes that I've had to become used to along my adventures.

Having said all that, last Thursday I took a ride on a roller coaster inside this rabbit hole that I wasn't aware even existed.  Starting the day off in normal fashion, I attended mass at 8:30 which is great since you're back home again by 9 and completed my daily Bible readings.  Then sometime between 9 and 10 out of nowhere I developed a highly acute pain in my upper left abdomen.  Upper right I may have understood and linked to my liver.

After resting for a while, or trying to, I decided that a trip to the pool might bring some relief.  So off I went barely even able to push the clutch to the floor and start the car let alone change gears.  Changing in slow motion, I made it into the warm pool at the Y and started my walk ever so gingerly, hoping the warmth and the movement might bring some magical relief.  Of course that was not meant to be and by the time I got out, I could barely shuffle my way back to the change room with a couple of people along the way asking if I was ok.  This was one time I couldn't fake and say I was fine.  I wasn't fine and not even close to being fine.  Eventually I made it to the front entrance with the help of a Y instructor knowing full well I was not going to be driving home.  A call to the oncologist's office was the need to be examined in order to assess and determine the source of the pain.  A woman I sometimes walk with and her husband happened by so I asked them for ride to KGH which is where my docs have their offices. This was about 2 p.m.  I was seen relatively quickly having phoned ahead but couldn't lie down for an abdominal examination. A small orange pill was to take away the bulk of the pain in order to do X-rays but barely moved the pain meter from a resounding 9 of 10 on the scale.   I was told later the dose I was receiving was 4 times that of a starting dose which they usually use.   As it turned out, the decision was made that yet another cat scan was to be done even though I'd just had one 3 days earlier.  From 2-7pm I sat in a wheelchair being the only position to provide any relative relief.  An I.V. had been started with doses of hydromorphone being dispensed by the nurse regularly with a fairly intense burning sensation on its way to my bloodstream.
The cat scan revealed nothing new since Monday's report yet pain control was being elusive to say the least.  I was invited at that point to have a sleepover at the hospital to continue the efforts of pain management. Imagine, being under the care of the gyney team (at least that's my theory) I was in a private room with a door that closed.  About 7 a.m. Friday morning three residents entered my room to confirm nothing new showed up on the cat scan and that the consensus was that they could not find the source of the pain or place of origin.  It seems to be in the area of my spleen but once again I've chosen not to go searching for answers on the internet.  I must admit I'm more than a little baffled that one could have such debilitating pain without identifiable cause but that seems to be the case.

I'm adding a little postscript to this post today, March 1st to say that it seems day by day I've been feeling better, still taking hydromorphone every four hours. Also, it's been confirmed that I will start weekly chemo treatments tomorrow, Wednesday, March 2nd.

Now to the confessions of my misbehaviour.  Mike had an appointment in Ottawa for 2 p.m. so there was no point disturbing him since he was two hours away and I didn't know anything about anything.  Around 4:30 I texted Mike to ask him to tell me when he was on his way home and I texted Matt asking what shift he was working.  I've learned I have a very rigid internal protocol around contacting and advising family members of any medical misadventure.  First Mike, then Matt, and, for the most part, they can take it from there to contact my brother, the other kids, extended family and the like.

Both Mike and Matt asked how I was feeling and if everything was ok.  My reply?  'Sort of.  Everything is under control' which it truly was.  I couldn't be in better hands than my physicians and neither of them could get to my side to sit and wait when they were away or working.  My dear friend Brenda would easily have been able to make time to support me but oh no, she texted back that she was in a board meeting so I didn't wave the white flag to her either.

As things turn out, I have been severely but lovingly reprimanded that it is not my decision to presume what others might say or do in such circumstances.  My role and my only role is to text someone to alert them to any situation and let them make their own decisions from there.  Funny thing was, I felt like I was in some kind of cyber game texting from one to the other knowing full well that I would be upset at my behaviour had any of them done what I did.  My efforts to 'protect them' led to more anxiety, confusion and upset than was necessary but I won't go into details here.

These last couple of weeks have left little room to ponder and explore much outside of the medical side of my adventures in prayer and medicine other than to say I sure have been praying a lot especially with Lent upon us which is a time to allow increased time for prayer and meditation.

On a closing note, I must tell you about a family doc appt  scheduled for Tuesday, February 16th which of course I made no attempt to attend having called early to cancel.
By mid morning with likely about 20-25 cm of snow on the back deck and everywhere else, I wondered about the possibility of having a telephone appointment so I called and left a message.  The resident I had seen several times before called back and we did just that.

Since I don't typically have any physical examinations, there really was no reason a phone call wouldn't suffice.  It went very well, we are able to ensure my file with their office was updated and that I would make a further appointment if and as needed.

Fast forward to yesterday, Sunday, February 28th when I mustered up all the energy I had to attend a show at the Grand Theatre featuring the Cat in the Hat.  An event I couldn't miss if at all possible since 4 grandchildren were going to be in attendance.  Tickets to the theatre were our Christmas gift to these little people all of whom have plenty of material things hence our attempt at 'memory making'.

While there didn't we pass my family doctor and her family.  My reply to her asking how I was - was simply that I'd had a sleep over at KGH.  We let it go at that and went on our separate ways.  While writing this post today, I received a call from my family doctor's office to see if I wanted to set an appointment for a review although the receptionist calling had no idea why.  I explained the interaction and my deep feelings of appreciation for her thoughtfulness (meanwhile she being the family doc is home with a sick child today).  At the show, my radiation oncologist was sitting in the row ahead of us with her two children.  We laughingly acknowledged that's where we see one another on a fairly regular basis!

By the time I write my next post, I will have likely started chemo treatments so I will be able to let you know how the reaction will have been.  As I try to pray every day, my life is in God's hands to do with what He Will, not mine to try to coerce into happening what I perceive as the best thing for me.

Until next time, thank you for your interest and more importantly for your prayers, or white light or positive energy or whatever else you may believe is beneficial.  I truly appreciate your virtual presence in my life.

Take care and God Bless,
Hugs,
Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive"

The Deepest Rabbit Hole Yet

Well it sure seems like I spoke too soon in my last post about the lack of winter around here!  Last Thursday my son Matt and I drove from downtown to the west end in a snow squall that had all the markings of a good old fashioned, blinding blizzard.  We couldn't see the traffic lights to know whether we could turn or if cars might be approaching.

Funny thing was, knowing full well that it was 'just a squall', after our harrowing 50 minute drive one way which is normally no more than 20, and regrouping once home, we would look out to a clear landscape wondering if what we'd just navigated really happened.  In the few days since of course, temperatures have plummeted to almost deep freeze status leaving many of us firmly planted indoors with only the occasional poking of a nose out the door to see if the mail or paper had arrived.  Brrrrrr!!!!!!!!

Since my last writing it seems I owe a large 'mea culpa', hesitatingly slow though, to the little known radiologist who reported on the outcome of my ultrasound of mid-January.  More on that in a moment.  Unusual as it is, I waited a week and a half after receiving the report and still heard nothing from anyone regarding next steps, finally emailing asking what was planned.  In as much as I try to remain polite and somewhat professional in my email correspondence, I couldn't help but assert that I don't want to be 'written off' before my time.'

Last Thursday evening (the 4th of February) around 8 pm I received a call directly from my oncologist with at least a partial update.  It turns out after reviewing the ultrasound with her 'go to guy', that a biopsy was no longer necessary.  Why you might ask as I certainly did.

Well the fact that the mass had grown and it exhibited certain defining features, leads to only one conclusion.  Despite the earlier conclusion that it was 99% not cancer, well, there I was, landing squarely in the 1% category.  What else is new given that all aspects of my adventures have been unusual and fit no standard pattern of this type of illness.  And that's coming from the specialists themselves - and several of them! What that does, at least, is allow one to grasp that single thread of hope that nothing is certain - good or bad.  And besides, just because I'm not medically curable, doesn't mean I'm on a direct path to expiration!  I've searched everywhere to see if someone had stamped a best before date on me somewhere, but with none being found, I will continue to pray and take each day as it comes.

What's next you might ask?  Well, so do I.  It seemed like the whole world was away last week and with that, any next steps will wait to be discussed on or after the 16th of February.  The likely plan is to include a chemo consult that could potentially mean weekly treatments.

Surgery of any kind is not an option for a number of reasons which I won't delve into here, it's just the way it is.   My oncologist inquired of me several times during our telephone conversation if I was ok (Mike was not home at the time), I finally expressed that I possess a deep rooted ability to emotionally detach from certain situations.  She was feeling badly that she herself was uncertain of next steps and would need help.  Being a teaching hospital, I see that as a good thing.  There are several individuals, some younger, some older, more or less experienced where one can consult and learn how to treat complicated cases, and there seems to be across the board agreement that mine is one of them.   I remain relatively asymptomatic meaning there aren't any obvious signs of my current state.  In fact, when I see people for the first time in a while they continue to comment on how well I look.  Remaining as gracious as possible, I simply reply that it's a common reaction.



News such as this has a definite impact, even on the most resolute of individuals.  Sleep however did not evade me that Thursday night and in fact Mike and I (he took Friday off to be with me), napped away much of the day Friday, likely the body's response to the emotional exhaustion we'd just experienced.  Within a day or two, I was quite surprised at how physically and emotionally  balanced I seemed to feel. 
 That's not to say I don't get thoughts invading my mind like zombies on a horror show, but I'm developing ways to cope and push them away, replacing them with positive images.  In fact, turning to prayer and meditation is most helpful.  After all, there is nothing I can directly do to affect the outcome and for every day that I might play 'Woe Is Me' or 'Oh the End is Near' or any other such victim laced laments, I lose.
In fact, in some ways, I'm being led even closer to the place of doing only that which I choose to do and not agreeing to whatever others would have me get involved in.  In a strange way it's quite liberating.  You might think I would have achieved that status long before now but it really does take a long time to adjust to this strange new found freedom.

I mentioned last time that Lent was approaching and last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday marking the beginning of the 40 day period of prayer, penance, sacrifice and reflection in preparation for Easter.

The days of giving things up have been waning especially in recent years although it is a good time to make changes to parts of our personal lives that required a sustained period of adjustment.  Many might view it as a cleansing period by abstaining from such habits as alcohol, coffee (hence the Roll Up The Rim Contest to combat that one), chocolate or other popular cravings.  In pondering this behaviour, which is good in and of itself, has left me wondering if it placed too much emphasis on the self and might keep someone looking inward rather than out at the greater world around them.  Let's face it, anything we focus on, tends to get the most attention and are we really achieving a sense of growth and development by avoiding our favourite  treats for six weeks?

In the Catholic Church, 2016 is the Year of Mercy where we are all encouraged to look outward from ourselves and extend a hand, an ear, or a shoulder to someone who might need our help or benefit from the gifts bestowed upon us.  Apparently (I've just learned myself) there are two types of 'works of mercy', that being corporal and spiritual, within which there are seven of each.  I must admit that having been raised a cradle Catholic, there is so much I don't know.  Are you wondering right now what those works of mercy might be?

Ok, rather than suggest you look them up, and since I just did, here is a brief summary:

Corporal:
1. Feed the hungry
2. Give drink to the thirsty
3. Clothe the naked
4. Provide shelter for the homeless
5. Visit the sick (but no, please don't show up on my doorstep en masse!)
6. Visit the imprisoned
7. Bury the dead

Spiritual:
1. Instruct the ignorant
2. Counsel the doubtful
3. Admonish sinners
4. Bear wrongs patiently
5. Forgive offences willingly
6. Comfort the afflicted
7. Pray for the living and the dead

When I read them over, none of it is rocket science or require jet fuel to launch.  I view it rather as a framework of activity that I can sort through like clothes in my closet to see what fits and suits me best and fits within my God given gifts and talents.  A very simple example was last week when Father Leo asked a number of questions challenging us on who is going to do what.  One of the examples was 'Who is going to visit the elderly person on their birthday'.  Well, what do you know but Mike and I had already planned to go visit Doris, my late Dad's friend as she had turned 94 the day before!  Simple huh?  Using that as a sort of launching pad, I've since tried to initiate some kind of good work on a daily basis.  It might be as simple as spending time at the Y while in the pool walking and talking with an individual who has developmental challenges yet is friendly and clearly craving some sort of human interaction.  It also might be putting oneself in the appropriate place as it relates to events and activities around them.  An example of what I can sometimes find to be one of the most difficult are those Spiritual four and five.  Rather than let pride take over and feel slighted by the slightest thing (no pun intended), simply take a deep breath, and, much more difficult, keep one's mouth shut.  My experience with practicing this activity over the past while, has led to a much calmer feeling inside, no sense of after burn and a brighter outlook.  Besides, who says I have to meddle and insert my opinion into every matter that happens to be within earshot or eyesight!    It's becoming one of my personal best tools in the fight against anxiety and stress.  It's quite amazing how this change in behaviour, and a really good one to practice during Lent, can lighten one's emotional load and create a light, almost airy feeling inside the heart.

I'd liken it almost to being as effective as breaking an addiction despite not really having any direct  personal experience with addiction, just some long standing not so great habits.  I'm not really sure when it happened for me, but definitely only recently after a very long period of sounding like a broken record about the perceived injustices being done to and around me.  

Now to sound like a broken record within the context of my blog and its related posts, the subject of purging has been renewed like a torch on a dark night as a result of my latest medical news.  When I combine it with Lenten activities, I actually become a little excited to know I can go through the next layer of 'stuff' and fill boxes to be sent to the Dominican Republic where the sister of a friend from church lives and helps the desperately poor and needy.

 I wonder how deep one must go to find and sustain the sense of being a minimalist, ah, reminds me to get out a book I've had for a very long time but never really delved into, 'Simple Abundance'.  Add that to my little project list.

What is on your little project list?  What are the activities that warm your heart in terms of doing for others?  What might be those long standing activities that you've really meant to do but simply haven't?  I guess I would encourage you, as time and energy permits, to explore those inner thoughts and feelings and maybe try one or two.  No one says that just because we try something we have to make any sort of long term commitment.

Whatever we choose to get involved in has to align with our own interests and values.  I suppose I could count writing this post as my good work for the day but I don't think I'll let myself off that easily, this afternoon promises to have God bring me an activity that He'd really like to see me undertake so I'd better remain open to His guidance.

If you're still reading after all this and still alert, I will sign off and thank you as usual for indulging me in pouring out at least a few things that have been swirling around in my brain like that snowfall last Thursday!

Without prolonging this message, I realize I forgot to even acknowledge Valentine's Day which of course was yesterday.  I hope that you and yours had a warm and loving day.  If on your own, I hope you spent the day doing some of your favourite things.

Take care and all the best for the next couple of weeks.  And as you know prayers are always more than welcome.

Hugs and God Bless,
Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".

Exploring Inner Feelings....

Wow, these last two weeks have really zipped by!  I suppose because it seems that lots has happened although I don't ever want these posts to become simply an activity log recording the actions of me and my family as the days go on.

I pray for help in writing these messages with the hope of sharing some insights that I have gained through my adventures and life experiences in response to requests from people who have a genuine interest in keeping up to date on my health status without feeling intrusive by emailing or calling.  So far it seems to have been working out fairly well with the feedback I've been given,  even if I miss a self imposed deadline or two!!!!

Whether the Ground Hog sees his shadow tomorrow or not, it doesn't seem to much matter given the obvious lack of intensity of winter this year!  Hopefully I haven't spoken too soon and set the stage for a final six weeks of cold, blustery snow filled days and nights!  

I leave the weather to my late Dad to manage since he loved the sun and heat and hated the cold so I ask him to put in a good word for us whenever necessary besides having a statue of the Virgin Mary in the front window and a Rosary hanging out the back at all times!

On the medical front, the adventures continue with having had an ultrasound on January 18th.  This was the first time I've had an ultrasound when I was instructed to abstain from food or drink, including water for 6 hours prior to the test.  I still carry the memories of sitting cross legged in the waiting room fearing that at any moment I might burst a leak and have the floor awash in my uncontainable bladder output!  That of course being in the days when a woman who was pregnant had to drink outrageous amount of fluid prior to having an ultrasound!  The reason I found out, for no intake, is that the ultrasound was to be of only my liver, and, in order to get a clear image of what might be lurking there, any food or fluid intake could be roaming around creating abstract artwork when what was needed were clear, identifiable images.  Oh, well that makes perfect sense.  Glad I asked!

The next day I happened to have an appointment with my oncologist on what must have been the busiest clinic day in my experience over the past 3+ years.  She was interrupted and yanked from the room several times to peer into the netherlands of female anatomies in the midst of our discussion.  Oh my, can you just imagine?  My heart went out to the caring an compassionate and highly skilled individual who was doing her best to accommodate everyone needing her expertise.   And me, of course, sending her off as I have more time than most to hang out in the cancer centre waiting for attention.  

What turned out to be somewhat discomforting was being handed the ultrasound report of the day before.  A radiologist I'd never heard of (not that me knowing or hearing of someone makes them good, bad or indifferent - after all who do I think I am in assessing medical competence) seemingly simplistically concluded that the mass in my liver must be cancer because it has grown since the cat scan.  Gee, thanks a lot.  That conclusion without any investigation, without any biopsy, without anything but a video image of my liver.  Needless to say my oncologist was not happy with the report either and immediately replied she would be checking with those whom she had reviewed the cat scan results. During that appointment I also signed a consent to have a biopsy done as my 'two pack' has expanded to 20 x 12 x12 cm from 15.2 x 12 x 9.5.  No wonder I feel pressure in my abdomen and can't suck in my belly no matter how hard I try!    Today, I remain in limbo, waiting to hear what next steps will be taken based on the most recent findings and review.  

Part of what is descending on me is the acceptance that while I can truly rejoice in the good days (like today feeling clear headed and ready to tackle at least some paperwork), that overall, I need to take each day as it comes and that, as they say, medically I'm not curable which I suppose will have its own ups and downs.  With that acceptance and realization though, comes a sense of grief and loss that I wasn't sure I'd experienced before now.  I do recall the days when I could say "If I didn't know better, I'd think I was well".  I've had time over the last while to think about and ponder in a melancholy sort of way, all that was and now isn't.  

I've had offers to go to concerts and shopping in the big city, but to what end I think?  I can't walk a block without stopping short of breath and feeling like someone has my hips in a giant vice grip.  Trekking through Costco yesterday was not only overwhelming with the people, it was a marathon without even going up and down every aisle!  And to think 3 years ago I would walk 10-12 km without even thinking about it.  For a very long time since I've been off work,  I was simply soaking up the quiet solitude, until recently when I look forward and try to imagine what the future might hold.  It's probably a good thing, meaning that I'm transitioning to a new place that while different, doesn't mean is going to be less than I had.  Just different.  The physical limitations are the most challenging - hardly, if any gardening, no hanging out of second story windows to clean and polish, definitely no snow clearing although that wouldn't have been anywhere near the top of my list of fun things to do!  No massive undertakings of ripping rooms apart, moving furniture whether I really could or couldn't.  I know, I know, you are probably thinking - so what's your point?  None of those things sound like anything close to fun.  No, but I guess I'd developed a half conscious lifestyle of being active physically vs. depending solely on going to the gym.  I've long marvelled at how our generation move to houses without stairs, hire cleaning ladies, pay for outdoor work to be done and then pay for gym memberships that may or may not get used to try to stay in physical shape.  Our ancestors sure didn't have to worry about exercise - I imagine women beating rugs, hanging out clothes, even washing clothes by hand, tending gardens for real, live food that ended up being canned and stored.  It's quite amazing really.

I may actually get enough ahead of myself that I will roll out my 40 year old portable Singer sewing machine that I haven't had time for in a number of years as there are small projects that require someone to sit still for more than a few minutes to get anything done.

 The other three sewing machines that were in my 'collection' have since been donated or given away in the 'spirit of poverty'.  I mean really, if I don't have time or inclination to use one machine, why would I keep four?!  

I was given an adult colouring book by a friend and have only but peeked into its inviting pages of designs patiently waiting to be given attention and marker or pencil crayon in hand.  I have actually taken my first French lesson on the Rosetta Stone French language course I downloaded last September.  It's much like Lumosity - if you've ever tried the brain stimulating web based program.  

I felt quiet witty when I would joke with family and friends that I had purchased the French program and was now just waiting for classes to start!!!!  Self study somehow doesn't work quite that way does it?  There are lots of activities and things left undone for many years that can now be picked up a project at a time, put down, laid aside or not looked at again, depending on how one feels about the experience.  It sure is nice to have lots and lots of options about what to do, get involved in, go to, or explore.  Boredom??  Can't even begin to imagine!

Before I go, I'd like to tell you that our church held a welcoming reception for the Syrian family that we sponsored late last year.  It was an hour and a half meet and greet that included many, many heartfelt expressions of thanks from the family through an interpreter that was almost magical in its effect on everyone there.  The atmosphere in the church hall was sprinkled with droplets of gratitude, hope, joy, reverence, not to mention lots of smiles and laughter.  I've never experienced anything quite like it despite the seemingly ordinariness of the event.  Please take note that almost all of the pictures I post are simply from the broader internet but when I googled the Maree family from Syria, their actual photo was the first one to appear so here they are........

There is definitely something to be said for having such a direct line of sight to the possibilities of what can be done in response to an international plight of mammoth proportions.  Not to mention that a couple of days later, I went to the Y for my daily walk in the pool only to have immediately behind me checking in, none other than the eldest son of our Syrian family.  He too, was heading to the pool where we had an hour of laughter, wildly funny attempts at communication while trying to exchange English and Arabic words and phrases.  It presented the opportunity to introduce Hussein to other Y members and share that most of us were immigrants  The next day he was able to repeat names and countries of origin.  What a sense of joy!  He even brought his cellphone to proudly show me the selfie he took at the church event with me in the background!  

In another week and a half, Lent will be upon us, the period that Catholics/ Christians observe in the weeks leading up to the most important time in the Christian year - that being Easter when we celebrate the Resurrection of  Jesus after being crucified on Good Friday.  Many, many people use this time of year to make an effort to change life habits whether to quit smoking, drinking, exercise more or even simply to pray more.  

While it used to have much more of an avoidance or abstinent behaviour, there is a growing trend toward doing good for others.  After all, that effort too, can contribute toward a positive change in an individual. And of course the most well known marketing tool also starts, coinciding with Ash Wednesday.  Yup, Tim Hortons Roll Up the Rim contest to counteract people's potential inclination to give up coffee for Lent!  

On a final note, I hope you don't mind me sharing the link to the YouTube video of my interview with my former employer, University Hospitals Kingston Foundation (UHKF) which was downloaded and made public on January 25th.  I mentioned in my last post the reason I agreed to the video was in response to the Foundation profiling my personal experience as a donor last June by awarding me the Davies Award of Leadership in Philanthropy.  

Since they chose to shine the light on my actions, i agreed to take it to the next step of sharing my personal views on charitable giving that, for the most part, I inherited from my Dad, who, by the way, was not wealthy by any means!  A humorous outcome is when my son Matt learned of the video (from others, not even his mom!) he became a statistician of sorts, tracking the number of views and 'likes' and feeling quite proud of it.  I guess there is something to the saying "Teach your children - and when necessary use words".

If you have the time and the inclination you can view the 7 minute video at:

https://youtu.be/zd9D4g2oAYA

Thank you for taking the time to share in my mental and emotional wanderings as we continue our Adventures in Prayer and Medicine.  Until next time.........

Take care and God Bless,

Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".