December 2015 - A Shift in Priorities?

Here we are sliding into the 12 Days of Christmas with only 11 left to go and one of the quietest on record in my life!  It's amazing what can happen when you make a conscious and deliberate choice to alter your behaviour or reaction to events.  

Besides the fact that even if I wanted to go run around (ya right!) and shop til I dropped, I'm not sure I'd get beyond the threshold of the first store when someone would panic and call the paramedics for assistance!  While still working, I marvelled at how some people remained calm, happy even, in the knowledge that they'd get to go shopping and bake and plan for large festive gatherings at Christmas.  Oh my!  I lived with a quiet sense of desperation at how we layer all this extra stress on ourselves over and above full workdays and family lives.

It might seem odd to say but sometimes being unwell can have its advantages.  The expectation and the reality of the situation is such that some things won't get done, some things will be altered to fit into a new reality, and maybe the best of all is that I won't drive my family crazy with the never ending 'to do' list that I somehow have felt has become my own private domain while everyone else just goes about their daily business.  

Who knows, maybe this fickle hand of fate will allow us to have a more personal and relaxed time with family and friends while keeping the commercialism at bay.  Most, if not all, invitations have been politey declined as I try to balance necessary activity with the breathlessness related to my most recent medical adventures.  

Since my last post, my health has remained fairly stable and at this point, other than routine blood work, no action will be taken unless I feel a marked change in my well being.  

The biggest change and biggest challenge is the shortness of breath that appears out of nowhere and overrides the smooth functioning of my anatomy, much like a sticky carbuerator  in a car - ok, I don't think cars have them anymore and I'm showing my age.  I do remember though, the days when it was damp out, one might have to be prepared to go out and tinker under the hood to get things going, maybe even spray some WD-40 on the thing to coax it into starting.  In any case, physically, I feel probably the slowest I've felt without any major medical intervention taking place, like 7 hour back surgery.  If that's the worst of my complaints, I guess I'm doing very well.  I've been taking the time to see what it feels like to really and truly do very little or nothing, and just enjoy it.  Last week I even watched a Christmas movie during the day with a friend.  Now that's a big step.  Intuitively I believe that I will overcome this latest adventure and possibly come out of it with a greater sense of calm - seems to be what much of this is about to me - slowing down, calming down and allowing God to direct my steps and including the inevitable surprises He'll have for me each day.  

A couple of posts ago I mentioned that our parish, St. Paul the Apostle 'Roman Catholic Church, has taken a bold step to get 'outside ourselves' and sponsor a Syrian refugee family, currently living in Lebanon.

 For once in my life I did not jump into the organizing committee with both feet, becoming embroiled in all the details requiring attention to make the decision a reality.  Imagine, there are scores of competent, well meaning and enthusiastic people willing to get involved and do their part.  Accessible accommodation has been secured (Dad has been in a wheelchair since childhood polio), the three bedroom apartment is fully furnished and funding for their first year secured.  It's this last point that I'd like to share a little more about.  For some seemingly unknown reason, without being a member of the overall project committee or any other sub group, I offered to speak at the 5 parish masses to encourage financial support for the Maree family.  Input was gathered from Fr. Leo, the project coordinator, the Parish secretary and others.  After it was over, and I only had to speak for maybe two minutes, I marvelled at how Father Leo holds mass 5 times every weekend, gives the same homily 5 times over and meets and greets everyone before and after mass.  This of course is on top of the schools and retirement homes that need attention.  Oh my! And let's not forget masses each weekday as well.

What I'd like to share are the comments that I believe came forward with big help from the Holy Spirit.  We took a risk of not asking parishioners to consider a certain amount to give, but rather leave it up to them to discern what they might give as it relates to their personal priorities.

Comments made at Masses on the weekend of November 21st and 22, 2015:

We are ‘adopting’ the Maree family of 6  from Syria; having lived in a country torn apart by war and conflict;  Mom, Dad, a paraplegic since childhood polio played professional wheelchair basketball who later owned his own clothing store. Imagine being one of four boys 5, 13, 14,  or a teen of 17 to have only known fear and vulnerability – every day of your young life filled with fear and impending doom.  The family is now living in Lebanon – yet recently there were more attacks on Beirut – we have no idea how this family is coping with the daily terror. And yet, we have the collective ability to transform this family’s experience of terror to one of hope for the future.

I ask you to think about how many of us right here, right now are also immigrants.  I am a first generation Canadian as is my husband Michael.

-       -  After WWII 70K war brides and their children arrived with hope of a new life.

-       -  In 1979, 60,000 Vietnamese boat people arrived with 60% being privately sponsored.

What does this tell us? 

Being a nation of immigrants we have a responsibility to treat refugees with care and compassion. More importantly, we’re good at it.  We have experience, we have memories and we came here or heard about our families coming to Canada with hearts full of hope for the future.

We all know that as a society we are wealthy beyond measure – and so we have a responsibility to share the gifts that God has graced us with, and what better gift to give our own families than the gift of giving.  Giving and a reminder that we live in a society of civil freedom regardless of our social standing.

There is such an extreme, almost obscene imbalance in the world today in terms of how people live and we are being called to help.

Yes, we have plenty of poor and needy families right in our own parish.  We must keep in mind, that inaction in one area does not justify inaction in another.This is not about either/or, it’s about taking part in a global issue that has the spotlight of the world put on a need that requires taking risk by many people in many countries in many ways. I believe God has allowed this into our lives in order that we can respond to His call.

If we can feel it in our hearts to give even a lit bit, think of the difference we can make.  Everyone has to make their own decisions but there is no greater feeling of joy than giving sacrificially to help someone else.

Pope Francis has challenged every Catholic Church in Europe to sponsor one refugee family. Canada seems to have accepted it as well. He shared how joy springs from a grateful heart. Are we good at counting our blessings, and sharing them, or have we forgotten them? Maybe it’s a time of remembrance of what we might be able to do.

Please, after mass this week, check the bulletin for more information to consider how you might help.

In closing, I remind you of the parable of the starfish where tens of thousands were washed up after a storm.  Someone walking along the beach saw a child bending down, picking up a starfish and throwing it back in the sea.  When asked what they were doing, the child responded “I’m helping them get back in the water or they will die.” 

The adult said “but there are tens of thousands of starfish.  You won’t make any difference.” 

The child bent down, picked up a starfish and threw it out as far as possible into the water.  Looking the adult in the eye the child replied, “It made a difference to that one”.

A thought that just occurred to me is consideration of such a large undertaking at this time of year may have had an impact on how we are viewing Christmas and the holidays.  There are so many people across Canada with hearts overflowing with care and compassion and a willingness to make a difference in whatever small way they may.  Perhaps it's helping us turn away from, even boycott a little bit, the marketing frenzy pushed onto consumers since the end of November.  Sure some things are being purchased but my guess is that likely by far, people and families are sharing what they have to help create a home for these newcomers to Canada.  I'm not sure how this issue resonates with you, nor is it up to me to judge where people stand on this issue.  We do though, have an opportunity to make a material difference in the lives of others who have not been as fortunate as we have enjoying lives of relative safety and freedom.

I'd like to finish by expressing my heartfelt gratitude for all the good wishes sent my way as a result of my mass email requesting prayers, white light and positive thoughts.  I mentioned before how important it is to me to make an effort to send individual notes of thanks back to those who took the time to write.  My hope is that today will finally complete that goal although I must say, I have spent so much time searching for threads that I will be hauling out my Mac Book for Dummies.  

There is some phenomena that creates threads like a loom on a weaving machine that pulls messages together into groups that may have the same initiating message.  I think I''m doing fine until, casually I think about the message from a former colleague, or from a member of our extended, extended, extended family.  I know they were there, I'd read them, but do they surface when I go searching?  Oh no,  even when I try to deep sea dive into the messages that have 30-40 or more 'threads', they somehow hide in the depths of email (probably more appropriate to say 'MacMail') leaving me to initiate another email.  Yet I ask myself, 'What about those that you don't think of'; well that too might just be a lesson in letting go.  And let go I shall as I pick up pen and cards and tackle the activity that I have not yet been able to shelve - the Christmas Cards.  I did get bold this year and emailed those people we communicate with, visit, or talk to during the year asking if we can retire the card exchange.  Well I think that has gotten the list pared down to between 50-60.  Many of those we write to, it's the only time of year we do get in contact, including friends and acquaintances from PEI to Vancouver Island, in many cases surpassing 30 years of greetings and well wishes.

As we head toward the end of another calendar year, may we all be grateful for all the blessings that have come our way, thank God (or your higher power) for the friends and family you hold close to your heart and may we all look to 2016 with hearts full of hope.

Take care, all the best for a wonderful Christmas and we'll connect on New Year's Eve or the beginning of next year. Lots of love and hugs,

Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."

I'm Late, I'm Late for a Very Important Date

Given the activity and events of the last few days, I knew I would likely be a little late in publishing this update.  Thank you for your patience.

First observation going into this post is know your own body, pay attention to it, especially when it mumbles and grumbles in reaction to your treatment of it.  Is it only as we grow older that we start to hear the grizzly bear like growls when we try to behave like 20 year old Olympians?

  If so, it's a funny dichotomy that we can hear the resistance of our organs, and joints, and muscles but we can't hear what someone across the table is saying.

The other observation is that in today's world, we truly need to be our own advocate when it comes to our health or recruit the most tenacious person you know to lead the way through the maze of what can sometimes seem like medical mayhem.  Fortunately for me, the path has been comforting in that my GP, or Coach, is highly attuned to my situation and more than willing to manage the primary care not requiring a specialist's intervention.  

My oncologist, is also amazingly competent and fully collaborative, encouraging me to make the final decisions when it comes to next steps and ongoing management of my illness.  That's not to say wishy washy like a warm pool of stagnant water.

Oh no, it's rock solid like the waves of the Atlantic crashing into the Newfoundland shores, which is where she happens to have been born and raised.  There are some decisions that she asserts with a full list of substantiating reasons leaving no room for confusion or questions - they've all been answered  before asked. I will share a case in point a little later.

If you're on my email list you would have received a couple of updates this week which intercepted timely posting on my blog, and no, it was not the Grey Cup's post game influence.

On Monday, November 30th I went for a cat scan, not having had one since May 9, 2014.  As I said to people, I rode the wave of that positive report for a year and a half until a clot blocked our continued progression.

Fortunately for me (thank God) I had the follow up appointment with my oncologist the next day, Tuesday, December 1st to review the results.

Through most of this time I felt that I had remained surprisingly calm and prepared for whatever message was to be delivered, whether a past due notice that my expiry date had actually come and gone, or notice that I had won the sweepstakes with much to look forward to in the future.

The initial pop in the door was "Nothing horrific, no new cancer, I'll be back", followed by a 45 minute wait while she dealt with other cases, clearly needing more immediate care than mine.  Ok, so no apparent overdue notice, that's worth getting up and doing a happy dance.

On her return, we learned about the other complicating factors which, while serious, don't seem to cause nearly the desperate reaction that a 'spreading of your disease and where do we go from here' would have.  

Act two started off with 'you've got a blood clot in your lung' but since you're on the blood thinners, it's being treated.  No wonder my shortness of breath has accelerated over the past few weeks.  Then the disclosure that there is in fact a large mass in my liver that wasn't there in the past.  Oh great, what does that mean?  After reviewing the scan with 3 highly skilled interventional radiologists, it was determined that it's likely a sack of blood (reason for my drop in hemoglobin?????), and if so, it's already being treated by being on blood thinners or an abscess. Huh?  

The reason cancer was not on the list of probable culprits is that the long residing 'squatters' in my liver had actually further reduced in size therefore taking up less real estate in my vitally important organ, as much as 30-50% reduction.  

Okay, deep breath, translation and interpretation please of this foreign language description of what's going on.

One option is to do nothing which seems to almost be a preferred choice - I think I need more details on why - other than that with every intervention there is risk and depending on what is found, what do we do with the information?  

Another option is to have a biopsy type intervention where a needle is inserted into the mass to determine what is in fact incapsulated.  If blood, the body will reabsorb as the blood thinners continue their important job of allowing the body to deal with the cleanup work.  If an abscess, it would be drained and although I'm not sure, maybe put on antibiotics.

One of the reasons for a leaning toward the sack of blood is that I am not displaying any other symptoms of an infection.  No fever, no flu like aching - just regular day to day aches and pains.

I'm learning why my oncologist is a minimalist and that every action has a reaction.  The procedure described here, while sounding simple is not exactly so.  It would require in hospital stay with IV replacing blood thinners during exploration and while we didn't get into further details - it was way too much information for one day - I wonder about the risk associated with all this given clots in my lungs now.  And so, the adventure continues.

My physical activity continues to be diminished and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I will have to limit my exercise to the pool.  Quite frankly, I believe that my natural 'A' type personality combined with the attitude that if a little helps, a lot should really help has contributed to this latest free fall into a new and unfamiliar rabbit hole.

In conversation, we've agreed (whoever I may have had the conversation with) that when well, or when not afflicted with any particular ailment, directly or indirectly, we don't pay attention nor go investigating the causes, symptoms, risks or reactions to illness.  I certainly know I didn't and even now, to keep my imagination under some sort of manageable control, I've been putting 'parental locks' on the internet as a self imposed block. It keeps me from reading things I don't need to  know and have them thrown into my imagination's vortex that takes a seemingly innocuous statement or comment and twists it into an earth shattering, cataclysmic possibility.  This has nothing to do with my end date which I still firmly believe is etched somewhere in God's universe and I'm fully accepting of.  No, it's all about the quality of my journey to that end.  After all, I believe it's our personal choices and decisions that affect the quality of that journey and so it's much easier to understand yourself to have a better time along the way.

Just a comment on the mass email I sent out asking for prayers, white light (possibly of the Holy Spirit) and positive thoughts to be sent my way on the date of the cat scan.

My stepson Gabe showed me a relatively simple way of sending out such an email and while my preference would be to set up group accounts for various things, this did the job nicely at least this time.  It's amazing how many people responded.  So many, that I hadn't been able to respond back with thanks as I sent out the update very early yesterday and now have all those folks to get back to.  After all, if someone is going to take the time to send a message, the least I can hopefully do (although if I've missed anyone, my sincere apologies) is to say thanks.

As I've shared with some of you, it's truly the power of that virtual community of faith, hope and love that provides the support when faced with potentially life altering events.  Many of the people who wrote, I haven't had the chance to connect with in months and maybe even years and so it's been so heartwarming to hear from some of them.

While it took some effort to reach out, I wonder if the resulting flow of positive energy has not in fact had a healing effect on everyone who participated.  It feels like a gently flowing aura that reaches us all and bathes us in the light of God or whoever/whatever your higher power might be.  I continue to be fascinated by the results of opening up to the power of the universe and the surprises that come our way if and as we allow them.

I wish to send out a sincere note of thanks and gratitude to all of you for taking the time to read these posts - your interest is what makes it all worthwhile.
Best wishes as you prepare for the upcoming holiday season, Christmas if I may, it's going to be an interesting one at our end this year.  No running around or marathon shopping so we'll see how we end up at the end of it all.
Take care, take time for you and until next time,
Lots of love and hugs,
Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers sent in faith and wrapped with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".