Unplugging.......and loving it!

Here we are waking up to another bright sunny day, looking forward to enjoying the coming of spring until we step out the door and feel the cold remnants of February that leave us shivering and shaking if we've been fooled by not putting on the winter coat yet again.  In some strange way though, having Mother Nature tease us with hints of what is to come, provides a framework of hope for the future in the midst of the craziness of this world bombarding us through every media source around us.

 I just heard the geese having a noisy conference behind our home on Collins Creek, likely debating who will lease which part of the tree lined oasis that happens to still lie within city limits.

Two weeks ago I went on at length about my increased levels of physical exhaustion and fatigue which is in many ways hampering my day to day activity.  I've noticed even something as simple and mundane as replying to email messages.  I seem to go along and then, BAM, hit a wall and have to walk away leaving messages stranded in my inbox patiently waiting for a response to the sender.  This can go on for several days and while I think of it everyday, time just rolls by without action.

What I determined in the midst of this,  a week ago Friday (March 20th) is that my fatigue may in fact only be indirectly related to my illness.   My sleep has been fitful and restless to say the least.  In May 2011 I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and prescribed a CPAP machine which helps keep the airways open using air pressure (not oxygen).
At that time I was still 120 pounds, which does not represent the poster child for sleep apnea!  However as we age the muscles in our throat relax, although I'd say sag is probably a better word for it, and it causes our airways to become restricted.  At night you suit up like Tom Cruise in Top Gun with either a face mask or nasal prongs (my choice), plug yourself in and hopefully enjoy a good night's sleep.

I decided to become Inspector Clouseau (remember Peter Sellers from Pink Panther?) and investigate the results on my CPAP machine.  Lo and behold I was able to determine that the number of times I stop breathing per hour in an average 7 day period is higher now than before I started using the aid.  It has a sim card in it that tracks the vital information necessary to monitor breathing while sleeping.

It turns out that there is a way to have the provider of your equipment provide a substitute machine for a limited period that will automatically adjust the air pressure based on the changes in one's breathing patterns.  While I'm not quite ready to apply for my medical license, it is reassuring to know that being in tune with your body, being proactive in following clues, can allow you to be your own advocate of care.

What I don't mean by any of the foregoing is deciding to do all sorts of research on the internet.  My opinion on that is for whoever has a vivid imagination, or wild like mine, will not benefit from going online to self diagnose ailments.  Oh sure, for small, minor problems, it may offer some suggestions for treatment, but the big stuff - not a chance.  I have the faith and trust that God is doing His work through the doctors that have been chosen for me in my care and that I, in my amateur sleuthing should not try to second guess what my professional caregivers are recommending.

 It's a slippery slope that could lead to my life being lived around questioning and second guessing every medical decision made on my behalf.  I have far too much living to do to spend my time as an armchair medical practitioner.

You may be wondering what the title of this post means and sometimes I get ideas or words that don't exactly fit, but then challenge me to explain myself.  By succumbing to the relative quiet around me and reducing the number of competing activities that I could take on, things are becoming more clear around what I'd like to be doing with  my time and energy.  I'm no longer looking for events or activities to participate in and am finding it easier to say no to invitations that don't align with my current priorities which I've stated before, but bears repeating.  It feels like they are becoming more clear as time goes on.  If I were to state my top three goals as it were, they would be:

1.  Faith Development
2.  Time and interaction with Family
3.  Maintaining and progressing with Physical activity

Something occurred to me just this morning that as I clarify what's important to me, I can better decide what activities to take on and what can be gently ignored.  Reflecting on the past, it seems that what was important was trying to do everything that was asked of me rather than what was important to me.  This kind of behaviour leaves you rushing off in many, often competing directions, rarely with a sense of accomplishment since the tasks are not necessarily connected to any greater goal.  Is it that success was related to the number of things that could be crossed off the list?  Or the number of people you've helped at your own expense of time and energy?

I'd like to briefly touch on each of my priorities and how I came to settle on these which of course seem perfectly obvious to many people.  They appear to be common sense and no great revelation.  What's important to me is that I have articulated my thoughts and feelings and can now start deliberately shaping my activities around them without buzzing around like one of a million bees all swarming to do the work being asked of us.

Having been raised a 'cradle Catholic' I haven't always understood why we believe what we believe and could not really enter into any sort of intellectual discussion on the subject of religion.

 Going to weekly mass as an adult helped me put a framework of sense around the crazy world we live in.  It seemed that almost every week the homily (sermon) touched on an issue that was bothering me.  Over time, as a fellow parishioner put it so well, my appetite for more information and teaching has grown and my hunger keeps building to learn and understand more about my own faith.  Some of the activities I participate in include of course weekly mass, and now a couple of times a week as well.  I have been signing up for faith development sessions whenever they come up which includes videos and small group discussion over a period of anywhere from 6-10 weeks.  At the end of April I will be attending my second silent retreat for women - yes that means total silence from Friday evening to Sunday at noon, daily Bible readings and saying the Rosary.  It's quite amazing how easily these things can fit into your daily routine, if you allow it.  One of our recent sessions was around who is driving the car of your life?  We would likely all say it's us when we should be allowing Jesus to do the driving.  Of course for me that could be a huge challenge as I tend to be the worst passenger on the roads likely making for worse distraction to a driver than many others things.

All of this is allowing me to 'unplug' from the mayhem of society and not be drawn into the artificial world of social media where most of my waking hours are spent staring at a computer screen.  As one of my friends once put it "I can't live my own life, let alone everyone else's".  I couldn't agree more!
Recently I 'creeped' on Mike's Facebook account to see any updated photos of grandkids and got physically overwhelmed by the amount of trivial information that regular Facebook users have to wade through to find something meaningful.  I know it has its benefits but I haven't got the internal fortitude to dive into that massive sea of data.

Time and interaction with family is an interesting goal with the many layers and sublayers of individuals we have that would be defined as members of our immediate family.  Confusing?  It can be.

 I use the terms biological and step simply to clarify familial relationships and how my son can say he has five brothers and sisters but was raised as an only child.  Or that he went to school with Brooke during his elementary years and now she's his sister!  There used to be times when I felt like I've lived my life backward, having had career success relatively early in my work but as a result not having the flexibility to do all the family oriented things that others enjoyed.

We will be having the pleasure of sharing Easter dinner this Sunday with four of our six kids and their families along with a couple from church who don't have their own families here in town.  That means we will have upwards of sixteen people or so with four under the age of six!   Following that, on April the 7th, eight of us will be off to the Grand Theatre for a live presentation of Mike the Knight.  Do you know who he is?  No, neither did I until I learned about the Tree House channel on TV.  No wonder kids are so smart these days.  There is one educational program after the other and the learn without even being aware of it.  We've also seen the Backyardigans and Toopy and Binoo.  I've created a bit of a 'Grandma and Grandpa' tradition that instead of the typical birthday and Christmas gifts, none of which are needed, we would gift the four local grandkids with a live theatre performance.  Needless to say the most fun is to watch them watch the show.  Our little ones are most interesting in their demeanour - unlike many other children who shriek with delight, they are focused and absorbing every movement like little sponges soaking up every drop of entertainment.

An adjustment for me has been to come up with different ways of interacting with the grandkids given my inability to spend much time sitting on the floor playing cars or building lego like I used to. Funny thing is, they don't seem to mind and even make suggestions of where I might sit so that I can still interact with them.  Spending time playing and truly becoming absorbed in the imaginary highways, barnyards, fire rescues and lego construction is a form of relaxation and escape that is so good for the soul.  Recently we came up with a new game of blowing up a bag of dollar store balloons in an attempt to 'fill the room' and then simply tap the coloured globes without fear of shattering anything.  And yes, it was grandma who had to blow them up.  I viewed that activity as physiotherapy by inhaling and exhaling very deeply, countless times!

Okay, as we touch on physical activity, we can move to the third goal on my list.  I am pleased to report that I have now been going to the Y since the beginning of November, pretty much on a daily basis and quickly increased my daily activity to an hour and a half.  What occurred to me recently is that I have long been used to long distance walking of an hour and a half or more and so find the time passes quickly.

 A friend of mine taught me a variety of techniques to try out and the proper ways of walking to ensure the greatest benefit.  If I tried to do a fraction of the things I do in water, I'm sure I'd topple over within five minutes and be looking somewhere for an oxygen tank!  Regardless of my physical condition, I am convinced I can trick my brain into thinking I'm healthy (which, as my doctor said, I am, other than this cancer thing going on).

I recently met with my 'physio guy' to have another assessment done, review the exercises he'd given me previously, determine what exercises I should be focusing on now, and converting them to water.  It was SO helpful to hear how pleased he was at my progress over the past few months and we quickly came up with a plan that I am now working to incorporate into my daily routine.  Some days I refer to my pool time as my 'little part time job'.  After all, don't I owe it to myself to stay as healthy and active as possible within my limitations?  What I didn't mention yet and is probably the greatest benefit of my aquatic prowess is how 'buoyant' I feel mentally and emotionally now that I've been at it with regularity for an extended period of time.  There is something just so calm and soothing about spending time in the water.

Another thing that has been helping is that I’m just finishing reading ‘The Untethered Soul’ for the second time and would highly recommend it to anyone who would like to quiet the ‘monkeys of the mind’ and be able to take a step back from life’s crazies and experience just a little calm.  The more I keep practicing, the calmer I’m getting when, in the past, wondered if I’d ever get to a place like this.

I'd like to finish with an email from a regular blog reader who comments on a previous post:

What caught my eye was your comment “…..….I’m learning to let go of managing the universe.”   Good for you.

I handed over the reins to that job about eight years ago. I always wondered who took it over! You have done a good job. It's time give some other wannabe universe manager a chance to shine.  - maybe its the competition among so many people that makes life frustrating trying to fill the job - every time you make a move, someone else jumps in trying to add their input.'

Well enjoy yourself as we move through Holy Week to the Celebration of Easter and the Resurrection of Jesus - yes there is hope for this world.

Take care and God Bless,

Liz

'Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive'

Hints of Spring....'Yawn', and a new Awakening

It's been just over two weeks since returning from Florida and I've felt like Mama Bear having been woken in the midst of a deep winter hibernation.

 Unpacking a single suitcase stretched into a chore of several days when usually it's done before I sit down after arriving home.  Perhaps the remnants of a cold with Mike catching one as well left us with the singular priority of rest and sleep.  If Goldilocks had shown up last weekend, she would have found at least one bed fully occupied or a bed and sofa, leaving her fewer choices from which to select her own place of rest pretty much for the entire weekend.

In terms of physical challenges in the last couple of weeks, definitely the level of fatigue has been interfering with regular day to day activity. When I first started the medication mid July 2013, I felt really, really tired, coupled with almost a sense of light headedness.  Even though my body will have adjusted to it by now, the side effects likely keep showing up especially when I'm at low levels of energy.  I know, I know, even the healthiest of people tend to have a prolonged sense of fatigue after returning home from a trip.

I’ve reminded myself on a number of occasions when sliding down into the fatigue and exhaustion that it is temporary, it will pass, so I try to let it just wash over me, experience it and allow the full force to reveal itself because, eventually, it will go away or at least diminish to a manageable level.  I found it so much easier than to try to fight through it.  As my family doctor has reminded me, and she's an awesome coach, the reality is that my body is constantly in a state of self healing as it tries to rid itself of the cancer cells that have taken up residence in my liver.  So while Maggie (my 75 pound weight gain named after my medication) is doing her job in keeping the cells from having more relatives move in, she doesn't have her own heart and lungs meaning, we have to share, and that can often add to the physical exhaustion.  The point of this rant is that with most problems in life, it's the same thing.  Instead of always fighting with ourselves and suppressing whatever we might be feeling, it's best to pause and take some time to face it and feel it, head on rather than keeping a 'lid on it', whatever 'it' is and have it squeak out when you least want it to, like unwanted gas!!!!

Just recently I was asked to call the friend of a friend who is just embarking on the treatment adventure for cancer in the nether regions of the female anatomy.  Surgery followed by chemotherapy and then radiation.  We spoke for just over an hour on the phone and agreed on a couple of things by the time our conversation ended.   First of all, do whatever is right for you based on the information you have, don’t let the armchair quarterbacks in your life call your game, and listen to your body.  Second, release the frustration of having been in excellent health your entire life, doing all the right things to remain active and prevent the onset of illness.

 In fact, in conversation with Mike, he reminded me that his experience in going through my treatments with me was that I truly was never ‘sick’ through it.  Yes there were side effects and reactions but not that dragged out, sick as a dog feeling that many people experience.  Maybe that’s what made it so much easier to tolerate, and, as we agreed maybe because I was so well going into the whole thing.

Most of you know by now that I officially retired from the hospital foundation at the end of June last year.  I guess 35 years of working full time plus was enough.  Yet, when I look back over 2014, I allowed myself to get involved in a number of projects that, while voluntary, looked a little too much like work to feel that I'd truly made the transition to retirement.  I agreed to participate in the Relay for Life with colleagues from work even though as most of you know, being identified by my illness is not something I choose to do, nor do I play the cancer card to ease awkward or difficult situations.
Be that as it may, I had to do all the work on the relay before our bucket list trip to Hungary as we would be returning only a week before the event.  Did I send an email message to a handful of friends   to raise a reasonable donation?  Oh, no, I had to send emails to over 700 people inviting them to donate and ended up raising a fairly respectable sum.  Even though I could do the related admin work  from home, I still spent part of every day focused on the task and thereby cutting into what should have been 'open space' to contemplate what I might really want to do.

In mid July we had dinner with friends who shared that they were hosting a fundraiser for the hospital foundation and would I attend a lunch meeting.  Oh sure, lunch meeting turned into lead hand in helping organize because these folks are just so darn nice, we get along so well, and like to spend time with them.  Thank goodness I was able to secure a couple of people to help with the details who were superb in managing the stress levels.  I have learned that even on the days I feel very well, there is no room for stress.  Even on the day of the event  in September I was praying the rosary in an effort to have the weather cooperate for an outdoor event.  We were kept on tenterhooks until early afternoon when the sun finally broke through and smiled on us like a proud parent for a well done school project.

The final event of the year was the Nativity Exhibition at our church in late November which I know I've written about just a few posts ago.  Once again, I was invited to be an 'advisor' and did I adhere to that job description?  Oh no, jump in with both feet unknowingly creating stress for the core team!

What point am I trying to make in going over all these activities again?  To drive home to myself that I no longer have to take on what everyone else wants me to do, keeping mind part of the problem is that I am often saying yes before the person has even finished making the request.

Own worst enemy?  You bet.  In all the years I've been working I've come to the realization that I have given away too much of myself and in some ways clouded my own identity and sense of self.

This year one of my goals is to walk through the fog into the sunshine that is there for my enjoyment, if I choose to bask in it and become very selective about what activity I might take on.  If I feel like just soaking up the sun, so be it without the sense that I'm letting anyone down or needing to act on a sense of obligation.  Let's check back in December and see how I've made out!!!

One of my self declared priorities is my own faith development and I'm thankful to have the time to explore some of the options available.

A friend and I attended a day long Lenten retreat at the Providence Spirituality Centre just last Tuesday.  I can tell you that it exceeded my expectations by leaving me with several 'aha' moments, along with a few things that make you go 'hmmmm', need to give more thought to concepts.  The day was designed around the Stations of the Cross and how the cross truly is at the core of our beliefs because along with it comes the Resurrection.

I'm sure I've shared that I listen to a Christian radio station in the car 94.7.  Recently a talk show caught my attention by throwing out a challenge at the beginning and holding me in its grip until the concept was explained.  It was this - what is a burden and what is a cross?

The speaker started out by insisting that many challenges in our lives are burdens.  Sickness, loss of job, trouble with family or the law, any sort of 'bad luck' that you might think of that enters your life should be considered a burden?  Pardon?  In my own mission statement I've stated that 'if this is my cross to bear, may I do so with dignity, humility and grace'.  It seems as though I need to change the word cross to burden.

Why?  Well when he went on further and I pondered the idea for much longer, I started to appreciate the perspective he was trying illustrate.  A cross, unlike a burden, is something we choose to take on in the name of our faith.  Burdens on the other hand come upon us unbidden, as a matter of chance or from circumstances that have nothing to do with our own actions, good or bad.  A good illustration of a cross was presented at our Tuesday evening faith sharing session at our church.  An individual shared with us aspects of their life which in my opinion was a very courageous  act given some of the intimate aspects of their story.  They also shared though, how a family member became involved in the Right to Life campaign at a very young relative age.  This poked at my memory banks of how I believe I recall that this person risked being jailed by standing up for the rights of the unborn when they were barely beyond childhood themselves.  

The concept has been scratching at me like a new wool sweater causing me to wonder if I've ever really taken up any crosses, and how willing I might be and what it would take to do so.  Burdens?  Oh sure, lots of them, as most of us have had in our lives and I don't begrudge any that I've had to deal with.  But crosses - where I am prepared to willingly take up a cause that I feel strongly about and take action knowing there are risks of consequences that may not be easy to accept.  Not so sure.

It's a concept I will 'sit with' during the rest of Lent and try not to scratch away the discomfort it leaves but rather discern how it might play out in my own life.  I'm learning our first thoughts or impressions are not always where the true meanings lie but rather are simply a starting point in having a conversation with God to figure out what He wants us to do or how He wants us to carry out His message.  I don't know if this small example will clarify what I'm trying to say or confuse you even more.  When working I got involved with a volunteer public awareness program called Leave A Legacy.  To me the magic was in the fact that it's a charity neutral message simply encouraging individuals to make a will, and leave a gift to charity.  Period.

While working to build the program in Southeastern Ontario, I met many wonderful and interesting individuals involved with many different charitable organizations.  Extensive discussions with one person in particular led to them coming up with a fairly unique application of the Leave A Legacy model within their own organization.  Only recently this person sent a message saying how the encouragement they'd received from our discussions has led them to taking on almost a national activity of speaking on the subject and sharing the message.  Keep in mind that most organizations have a difficult time wondering why we would want to broadcast a charity neutral message rather than just 'sell' our own cause.  In many ways, this person has taken on a cross of promoting the greater good of all communities and travelling extensively to do so.  As I watch in admiration it reminds me that my role is that of a connector and not having to take on the role of disciple to broadly share the message since at this point in my life it is not possible anyway.

I'm not sure if my rambling is clear or makes sense, and if not, maybe there's a message to put together like the pieces of a puzzle to produce something that makes sense for you.  Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I look forward to next time as I pray to the Holy Spirit to take hold of my hands and tap out the next message.

Until next time,  Hugs and God Bless,

Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive"

March and the Middle of Lent

I arrived back to the great white north late last Thursday after what appears to have been the coldest two weeks in Canada.  Managing to get an Air Canada flight from Tampa to Toronto then on to Kingston was another adventure.  With only an hour 20 to connect, I knew that I would have to deliberately keep myself as calm as possible especially once I learned the first leg of trip was delayed by 40 minutes.  Oh joy.  On arrival in Toronto, of course we had to retrieve our bags, go through security and customs only to learn that those with connecting flights were already assigned boarding passes for a later flight.   This, after waddling as quickly as possible through the hallways, escalators and moving sidewalks, refusing to ask for any assistance while carrying two pieces of hand luggage which included a bottle of premium scotch from duty free for Mike which I couldn't afford to drop along the way! (A belated Valentine's present).

 I would be flying out an hour later than I was supposed to be arriving at home.  My mental coping mechanism is to work overtime to convince myself that I wasn't to be on the original flight, what's an hour anyway and they had things well in hand to make up for the delay.  By the time we boarded the tiny aircraft where you get a window seat and an aisle seat at the same time, we were all ready for take off.  At one point though, as we were taxiing toward the runway,  the thought crossed my mind that we might actually be driving to Kingston given how long and far we travelled on the ground!  Home at last though and truly no worse for wear.

I had debated whether to drive home with my friend Carol Ann as I've never made the trip by car but my inner sense convinced me to book a flight which was the smartest move for all concerned.   Me, a self proclaimed neurotic passenger would have created no end of hazardous risks as I would be stomping on the imaginary brakes and likely flailing my arms like a madwoman trying to fend off approaching traffic.

As it turned out, Carol Ann's second day of driving was coated with freezing rain for most of the trip!  She's was fortunate, for her sake,  to have dropped me off at the airport three days earlier.

On Monday of last week, while still with Carol Ann in Treasure Island, by happenstance I emailed my friend Tess who I knew was travelling around the Southern States with a joint venture between the Snowbird Association and Medipac Travel Insurance.  Tess' husband, Dr. Bob is one of the presenters for Medipac as they put on shows for Canadians who spend their winters in the Southern U.S.  Another God Wink as she replied they would be doing a show the very next day just 10 miles from where we were staying.  A cloudy day set us up for our adventure and off we went.  It was a very professional presentation, the hall was so jam packed, people had to leave due to fire regulations before they could start and the second half was entertainment by Newfoundland comedian Jimmy Flynn followed by a performance by John McDermott all at no cost!

If you've never heard Jimmy Flynn and want to laugh, look him up on YouTube.  I'd seen him in Kingston many years ago and have recited his jokes ever since!  The insight I gained from making the effort is that we are all presented with circumstances that allow us to make our free will decisions about what we might do or what we might ignore.  Here we had friends who were doing what they are passionate about, a mere 10 miles away and it would have been so easy to say no, but we are all so much richer for having said yes and intuitively I know our relationship has been strengthened by our expression of interest in learning more about what they are involved in.  Never mind the fact that it was just so much darn fun!

While away, a very long time acquaintance of both Martha and me and resident in a nursing home, declined in health in what seemed to be such a gentle and dignified manner.  Had she made it to her birthday in March, she would have turned 99 but it wasn't to be.  With all the talk and media attention on 'assisted dying' of late, this real life story gave me lots to ponder about end of life issues.  I will state my position that I do not agree with life ending intervention as I believe God has given us a certain number of days (ref: Psalm 139)

and we do not die one minute before or after the pre allotted time.  Here was an individual, who through natural causes, was overcome with fatigue to the point of sleeping much of the time away to the point of not being able to take her medication.  By not taking medication, whatever parts had been kept working would no longer be supported and the natural consequence would be eventual slowing and turning off of these parts, whatever they might be.  No pulling of plugs, no deliberate injection, no heroic efforts or intervention.  Just a natural way of slip sliding out of this world into the next.  It was all quite peaceful.

As I think about my own mortality, I realize that for every day I live, I have one less day to live and am becoming more discerning about what I choose to do with my time.

Another individual passed away while we were gone but the celebration of life was on Saturday and my initial reaction was that I'd like to attend as I'd known this person too, for likely more than 20 years.  As it turned out, an opportunity arose to spend time with 4 of our grandchildren all at the same time along with two of our kids.  My self declared priority of family took precedence to the memorial service.  I learned from that decision that as I get more comfortable and accepting of my new physical appearance, it is not necessary to keep on trying to do what I used to do which would include going to many functions and events out of a sense of community duty.  My realization though is that I don't need to put myself in those situations anymore at the cost of awkwardness and lack of recognition.  A sincere and well written card will be more than sufficient to express my sympathy to the family.  Another step on the path of acceptance and moving forward.

Oh back to Florida again - this post is not in any logical order, but rather I'm submitting to the trains of thought chugging through my brain and running through my fingertips to the keyboard.  I hope you enjoy the ride!  One topic that seemed to keep coming up is traffic.  When we go to church with Martha and Denis, we attend Our Lady of Light which is located in an area where two or three other denominations have also chosen to locate.  This creates traffic patterns so congested that on Sunday mornings, the local police direct cars to avoid any unintentional collisions.

As we arrive, it warms the heart to witness so many people willing to make the trek to invest time in their faith and trust in God.  A second and just as important an observation is the behaviour of drivers on the way out after the morning service.  What can take 15-20 minutes to exit, is an orderly and extremely well mannered effort by all drivers to observe the 'zipper effect' of cars entering the exit line.  Alternating vehicles allows for ease of traffic flow and reinforcement of treating others with care and respect.

The other observation of traffic may not seem as civilized and cordial.  When riding with friends this time around, and I visited with three of them, the flow of traffic was a recurring theme of discussion.  It seems that Florida has the craziest drivers in existence, but then, don't we hear that about many other places as well?  What I realized though, is that Florida, unlike many places, attracts drivers from all across the U.S. and many parts of Canada as we all try to escape the cold.

Bring together a myriad of different cultures, driving patterns and habits, many more elderly drivers all doing their best to adhere to what may include different laws about driving and it's surprising that there isn't a far greater level of chaos.  

As we move through the next couple of weeks, we will be in the middle of Lent well on our way to Easter Sunday on April 5th,  traditionally the most celebrated holy day in the Christian calendar.  More than Christmas?  Yup.

There is even an urban legend out there to counteract the Lenten observance of giving something up that you particularly enjoy.  Twenty five years ago, Tim Hortons came up with the 'Roll Up the Rim to Win' contest to encourage patrons to continue drinking their coffee and not give it up for Lent!

 As I mentioned in my last post, there is a growing pattern of 'good deed doing' vs. fasting and abstinence during this important and holy time of year.  My choice has been to try, each day, to do a deliberate good deed but not share it with anyone with the hope that I can work such activity into my daily routine without the need to brag about what I may have done.  It's potentially a double edge benefit - doing good and expanding my muscles of modesty and humility.  It can be anything - a card, a phone call, an offer of help or a meal, a kind word or compliment, maybe even a smile.  Giving of oneself can often be more challenging than giving of one's resources.  Sitting in the coffee shop of the Y on Friday was one of those eye opening experiences where the employees treat the guests with such friendliness and respect that I felt I was in the company of angels.  Many of the individuals who came through had their own level of challenges and would likely be ignored or avoided in other surroundings.  Not so at the Y, the warmth and caring atmosphere filled my heart with joy.  I almost missed a good deed that day by hesitating, but by the grace of God I was given the perfect chance to do just the right thing.

Before I sign off, I hope you don't mind me sharing with you my observance of the progress of my stepdaughter Nathalie in the prime of her university experience.  While we have many similarities, we also have our share of differences which I'm realizing adds to the richness of our relationship.  When I met her at age 10, it was apparent that God had blessed Nathalie with a level of confidence that is not evenly distributed among the general population.  There have been many times that I have secretly wondered how she might achieve her stated objectives, only to be surprised that things worked out in her favour as a result of her convictions and perseverance.  I've learned to simply stand back and watch the experiences unfold as she works through her decisions and the potential challenges. This year she has been approved by the university and will be going with fellow students on a three week trip to China - yes of all places China.

Did I really think that would happen???? - glad I kept my reservations to myself!  Approval has also been given to go on a first semester exchange this fall to Denmark!  I know precious little about all the details because Nathalie has simply gone ahead and done what was necessary to make her dream a reality.  The reason I choose to share this with you is that as I'm learning to let go of managing the universe, I have the benefit of seeing how others can and do take charge of their own future without the expectation that others will pick up the pieces as and when necessary.  More power to you - you go girl!

As I take my leave, I wish you the best for the next couple of weeks and hope that even one comment made here may have held a message for you as we all continue on our path of life.

Enjoy the oncoming hints of spring and renewed hope.

Take care and God Bless, until next time,

Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."