It's scientifically proven jet lag is worse when travelling east than west. That means it's proven scientifically I respond in the opposite way. Personally I found it fairly easy to adjust on arriving in Spain, having a power sleep, a shower and ready to go. Now, a week and a half after our return home, I'm still dragging around. Ok, I do admit there's something to be said for the highly increased pace of activity, together with the sheer number of staggeringly beautiful scenes bombarding our senses for 10 days. Run here, go there, oh picture after picture, wait, go back, take one more. But did I have my camera set to identify where we were? Oh no, didn't even realize until after we got home.
The food in Italy is certainly to be enjoyed as one does a marathon of any kind. You know the drill, course after course, wondering when it might all end, bottomless glasses of wine taken in moderation, given the pace of our tour. After all, you dare not be fuzzy the next day when facing history head on. Nothing like home where considerable time might be spent preparing a meal after which, sit, eat, clean up, all in the span of about 15 minutes! Fortunately with the walking and climbing, mostly stairs rather than hills, not much of the fat remained glued to our hips.
Our hotel in Rome, while in a residential area, was a short drive to Vatican City. In just one day we had a personally guided tour of the Vatican Museum, the Sistine Chapel including Michelangelo's restored mural of the Last Judgment, followed by the breathtaking beauty of St. Peter's Basilica. On this trip there was no such thing as 'just another church'. St. Peter's in fact, is known to be the world's most beautiful church, built on the site where St. Peter was martyred. Even as I type these words I pause to take a deep breath, much like I did when we entered St. Peter's Square. All I can say is, it feels different, it feels special, it feels sacred and spiritual. I feel so honoured to be guided to see this most holy place where hundreds of millions of Catholics, and millions from other faiths, or none at all, worldwide turn their attention when in deep need of hope and encouragement. From there we visited St. Mary Major, one of the oldest shrines dedicated to the Blessed Virgin and one of the 4 major basilicas in Rome.
For me, attending the Papal audience, along with Pope Francis' 15,000 or so other closest friends, was the highlight of the trip. We had VIP tickets which meant we were able to enter a seated area. Rather than feeling the need to work our way to any specific spot, we remained as a group sort of in the middle, meters away from the closest railing where Pope Francis cruised by in his open Popemobile. Apparently one had to be in line before 6 a.m. to hope for one of the cherished perimeter seats. It was overwhelming to be breathing the same air Pope Francis breathes, to catch a glimpse, oh then a good look and even a photo or two of the most popular Pope, I'm guessing in modern history. Many, many school children were in the audience, many early to mid teens. We sat a few rows behind one young person wearing a sweatshirt which said, on the back "I need a little reassurance today". Weren't they in the right place at the right time? Another youth literally buried himself inside his hoodie, at one point coming out only to pass around an e-cigarette. I decided then and there, he was someone I would pray for rather than becoming annoyed with his behaviour. Large screens allowed us a good view of the ceremony and fortunately for us, we heard a summary of the Pope's message in English. While one needed a ticket to attend the weekly audience, it's printed on the front: 'This ticket is entirely free'. At the end of the event, we all joined in singing the Our Father in Latin (found on the reverse of our ticket) and, finally, received the Papal Blessing.
After it was over, one could overhear many people discussing where they might go next, what they might see or do. In our case, we decided, at that time, to savour all that had just happened, and 'just be.' We didn't go anywhere. We didn't do anything. We absorbed the spiritual magic in the air, soaking up the positive energy of the experience. In some ways it was surreal, but truly one of those times where no number of photos or videos looked at from afar could replicate the feeling of being present in that moment. We were touched by the enthusiasm of so many students, standing on their chairs, clapping to a rhythmic beat while repeatedly chanting "Papa Francesco".
As if the Papal audience wasn't enough for one day, off we went to visit St. Paul Outside the Walls, another of the 4 major basilicas. Shame on me for not having taken history through high school. I may have known a little more about such places which date back centuries. On a humorous note, my son Matt, majored in History and Geography in University! He was fully familiar with all the places I tried to describe. Suffice it to say, I'm not trying to provide a historical essay of the places we visited. This Basilica in particular drew my attention by the fact the local church we attend here in Kingston, is St. Paul the Apostle. The sheer knowledge of being in the sacred place where St. Paul was buried somehow brings him to life in my heart and mind. Right in front of us lies historical evidence St. Paul really lived, born a Roman citizen, author of many letters of the Bible and having had personal first hand knowledge of Jesus.
Without going into detail after detail like watching 'slides of our vacation', I'd rather share how my overall experience was one of cementing my faith in a way that may hold up for time immemorial as it has for the people who lived in the days of Jesus. A worn out comment, I'm sure, to Mike throughout the tours was "How can people not believe Jesus was with the overwhelming amount of historical evidence in front of us sharing the same stories we continue to read and believe."
In the last couple of days of our tour of Rome, we had a full on tour of the Colosseum, which I could go on about for pages. Estimated to be the world's first major arena, seating upwards of 60,000, built in 8 years, could go from full to empty in a matter of 15-20 minutes thanks to 60+ public entrance ways, a fully retractable dome roof used at the pleasure of the Emperor and on and on. Construction began in 72 A.D. and completed in 80 A.D. I couldn't help but ponder, 'And we think we're so smart!?
A few places we could only see by doing walking tours, up and down the same cobblestone steps that have been tread upon by centuries of citizens, pilgrims, tourists and the like, oh if only they could share some of their stories of what went on above them. It was this way we could delight in the Trevi Fountain, the Pantheon, rebuilt in 118 A.D. after a fire and still mostly intact (imagine!?) and the Spanish Steps, a community gathering space, built for that reason. One wonders how one of the most visited cities in the world has been able to mesh not only old, but truly ancient, with the new(er). How do 5 million+ people share this relatively small geographic area, keeping things intact, respectful of the times and lives before them?
What I do know is we've returned home changed by the experience, definitely deeper in our faith and more settled in whatever God's plan might be for our lives. I wouldn't be truthful if I said I didn't go halfway around the world hoping, in some small corner of my heart, for a miracle. To come home free of illness. No, but what I have reconciled myself to, is if it's not in God's Will to heal me physically, may He heal me spiritually. May He give me strength to accept what's ahead, with dignity, humility and grace. It will mean taking definite steps on my part to release much of the past, accept my physical and emotional limitations and slow my pace from constant revving around 4000 rpm to a slow idle and, most importantly, giving myself permission to do so.
An oncology appointment on October 23rd brought news of the clinical trial everyone is so excited about, it hasn't opened yet. In fact, the host hospital, Princess Margaret in T.O. has not signed the contract yet; hopes are to have it complete by year's end. Sigh. But ok. I've held my own and then some through our travels and will now spend much quiet time recalling and reviewing the many fleeting thoughts I had, always at an inconvenient time to capture them in writing. Maybe they will come floating back like clouds in an otherwise blue sky, if I remain open and quiet. Our plan is to wait for the clinical trial in the hopes it has the desired effect of providing quality of life for the foreseeable future. And so, until then, we will live every day well, God willing, until we're not.
I received word today of a cat scan scheduled for November 20th followed up by a review with the oncologist on December 5th. Deep breath. Ok, I can deal with that. Only 3 weeks away. Another deep breath.
Until next time, let's all keep breathing,
Take care, hugs, and God Bless
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
Tuesday, 31 October 2017
Monday, 16 October 2017
Hope Across the Ocean
I start this post at 10:00 a.m. Sunday morning. Why is the time of interest you might ask. Well as I'm tapping away, you are most likely still snuggled comfortably in bed because it's only 4 a.m. for you. We are back on the tour bus, returning from Lourdes, France to Madrid, Spain. Driving through the Pyrenees Mountains, imagining Julie Andrews leading the Von Trapp children in song to the Sound of Music. Thirty four weary pilgrims, resting from a full day and a half of following the steps of Ste. Bernadette to whom the Virgin Mary appeared 18 times from Feb 11th to June 16th 1858.
We started our visit to Lourdes by walking in a candlelight vigil at 9 pm Friday night; thousands of believers in God, prayerfully honouring Virgin Mary at one of the sacred places around the world where the Mother of Jesus chose a young, ordinary girl to be her witness to the world.
Now, 149 years later, the Grotto at Lourdes attracts more than 10 million pilgrims every year from February to October. If ever one needs a booster shot of hope, just google this special place.
There are more than 1300 volunteers on pilgrimage to Lourdes annually, dedicating an amount of time of their lives to helping others at Lourdes. Many, many are young girls likely high school age, dressed in white with a navy top and veil giving one the appearance of student nurses. They are though, in my own mind, a reminder of my years as a candy striper at our local hospital. The care and compassion shown to the hundreds of invalid and disabled was heartwarming, cementing another brick in the wall of hope for the future of our youth.
I mentioned last time how I made a decision to hold out for the much promised clinical trial on our return, rather than start chemo by undergoing three treatments before venturing out. I know already, regardless of the eventual outcome, I made the right decision. Thus far, I'm doing the best I can, in an effort to keep up with the group in general.
In the end, the most I can pray for is total acceptance and trust in God's will for my life. Many times before this pilgrimage I've pondered what is, above all, most important to me. It comes down to the same thing, perhaps said differently, is to trust wholeheartedly in God's plan for my life and to stop wasting priceless energy on the 'coulda, shoulda, wouldas'. Those things are only earthly means of concealing the real longing in our hearts, which is to have a relationship with Jesus.
That brings me to another point where, on our initial flight from Toronto to Madrid, a family of parents, mom in law and four children were seated around us with Dad next to My Michael. We learned they are devout Christians, he was raised Catholic, now attending a non denominational church in Orlando, Florida, their 4 kids are home schooled by Mom based on Biblical teachings, they travel once or twice a year and include missionary trips with the family in the mix.
It was truly amazing to watch their 'witness in action' as Dad described his 'birds and bees' talk with his nine year old son, based on the principle of stewardship, that being caring for those gifts God has entrusted to you.
There are so many layers of insights and inflections so far along this journey, which I hope to be able to share in more detail another time.
I will say goodnight as it is now after 11 p.m. to tell you I am holding my own, remaining hopeful and will be back in touch well after our return.
Take care and God Bless,
Love and hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
'Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive. '
We started our visit to Lourdes by walking in a candlelight vigil at 9 pm Friday night; thousands of believers in God, prayerfully honouring Virgin Mary at one of the sacred places around the world where the Mother of Jesus chose a young, ordinary girl to be her witness to the world.
Now, 149 years later, the Grotto at Lourdes attracts more than 10 million pilgrims every year from February to October. If ever one needs a booster shot of hope, just google this special place.
There are more than 1300 volunteers on pilgrimage to Lourdes annually, dedicating an amount of time of their lives to helping others at Lourdes. Many, many are young girls likely high school age, dressed in white with a navy top and veil giving one the appearance of student nurses. They are though, in my own mind, a reminder of my years as a candy striper at our local hospital. The care and compassion shown to the hundreds of invalid and disabled was heartwarming, cementing another brick in the wall of hope for the future of our youth.
I mentioned last time how I made a decision to hold out for the much promised clinical trial on our return, rather than start chemo by undergoing three treatments before venturing out. I know already, regardless of the eventual outcome, I made the right decision. Thus far, I'm doing the best I can, in an effort to keep up with the group in general.
In the end, the most I can pray for is total acceptance and trust in God's will for my life. Many times before this pilgrimage I've pondered what is, above all, most important to me. It comes down to the same thing, perhaps said differently, is to trust wholeheartedly in God's plan for my life and to stop wasting priceless energy on the 'coulda, shoulda, wouldas'. Those things are only earthly means of concealing the real longing in our hearts, which is to have a relationship with Jesus.
That brings me to another point where, on our initial flight from Toronto to Madrid, a family of parents, mom in law and four children were seated around us with Dad next to My Michael. We learned they are devout Christians, he was raised Catholic, now attending a non denominational church in Orlando, Florida, their 4 kids are home schooled by Mom based on Biblical teachings, they travel once or twice a year and include missionary trips with the family in the mix.
It was truly amazing to watch their 'witness in action' as Dad described his 'birds and bees' talk with his nine year old son, based on the principle of stewardship, that being caring for those gifts God has entrusted to you.
There are so many layers of insights and inflections so far along this journey, which I hope to be able to share in more detail another time.
I will say goodnight as it is now after 11 p.m. to tell you I am holding my own, remaining hopeful and will be back in touch well after our return.
Take care and God Bless,
Love and hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
'Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive. '
Sunday, 1 October 2017
The Other Side of Decisions
Today starts as one of those days, I've ever so grateful to not turn on the TV during the day. I heard the news from a woman standing in front of me at Costco as we booked in to have an oil change on our cars. It seems to me we are entering a period, or to tell the truth are in a period, where many of us protect ourselves by turning inward from the atrocities of the world around us. It's not to ignore reality, rather it's to narrow our field of vision to see what's good in the world. Some days it seems to be the only way to hang onto hope.
I've been feeling better since having the blood transfusion on September 6th and despite the rumblings and tumblings in my abdomen, I'm blessed to be feeling as well as I am. One of my coping strategies is to keep my hands away from poking and prodding, mentally trying to measure the changes going on. I remain in email contact with my new favourite nurse, Lou and had repeat blood work done Friday to ensure my hemoglobin isn't sliding again. Tomorrow we meet with my 'Symptom Doctor', to assess and address any issues.
As Mike and I discussed though, it's too late for any major intervention at this point. We jointly took the giant leap of faith in deciding not to start chemo before our pilgrimage.
Through discernment, discussions with our caregivers, prayers and diving guidance, we have made the choice to receive support leading up to our departure. On our return, we have an appointment with Dr. Biagi, leader of the clinical trial, on October 23rd with the hope the trial has or will open at any moment. Some people have asked if it's in Kingston. Yes it is, another chance to offer thanks.
Just before I leave the medical side of our adventures, I'd like to let you know, if you haven't already realized, these ramblings and my appearance, my outward positive attitude, while natural and authentic, don't come easily. It's hard work digging down inside, and to use a phrase I quite like, turning over the 'crap of the past' and use it for fertilizer to grow a positive outcome of all this. One mini outburst was to Fr. Leo whom I still stay in contact with at least by text since his retirement. Here is part of my message to him, "....my plan is to participate in id (clinical trial) with the main goal of helping others through the research. I'm actually sick and tired of living in fear of this illness and pretending not to be." Guess what!?!? Letting off that little bit of steam has simmered my emotions down to the point of gently bubbling along in my daily life. It seems to be the only I can go back to, other than the barrage of prayers coming my way, to credit for this new found sense of calm in the midst of this major decision.
One other insight I've gained from all this, especially what I view to be a quantum leap of faith and decision making, is by stamping my feet, hands on hips and saying "NO", I'm NOT going to choose something, out of fear of what COULD happen, I know will decease my quality of life only weeks before going on this trip of a lifetime!" The nugget in all this, is to RELINQUISH CONTROL, which is at the root of some of my most damaging emotions. Each time I reflect on it, I'm going back to meeting, my almost life long enemy, face to face. Another simple, but brilliant insight, in its simpleness. Confirming once more, we don't get it, until we get it. On our own. In our own time and in our own way.
As I ponder these thoughts, it's like jumping off a cliff, trusting your parachute will open, which it does, allowing you to enjoy the scenery before an ever so soft landing, wondering why you had any fear in the first place.
We picked up our travel documents late last week, and inquired during our meeting about the insurance we purchased through the Tour Company, Collette. While we'd never heard of them, just goes to show our depth of knowledge of the industry. They have been in the business for 100 years! No wonder they do their own insurance underwriting. We were assured there was no problem. My handwritten notes from the presentation I attended back in March, I was reassured by the comment 'stable for 90 days prior to application for insurance', in the case of pre-existing conditions like mine.
It's finally becoming a reality, we are travelling a week from tomorrow! Being a traveller who likes to 'just show up', 'tell me the details later', and pack about the day or so before, I'm surprised at my desire to look up each of the stops on our tour. There is an innate interest in learning at least a little bit about each point of interest. At one of my virtual stops, I believe Lourdes, a sense of peaceful joy came over me covering me with a blanket of total caring and worry free sense of calm. More to go and I look forward to more emotional reactions. My friend Brenda suggested this trip could be a spiritual awakening of sorts, or reconciliation. The word 'catharsis' came to mind although I had to look it up to see if it's what I really meant. It's certainly close enough, by saying it's a spiritual release of suppressed emotions. I can almost feel the meaning.
The last couple of weeks have included time with family as my friend Martha and I played 'Kitchen Fairies for daughter in law Jaclyn, and 'Purging Fairies, for daughter Brooke. They were both thrilled with the results of us flying in, unpacking cupboards, drawers, boxes and ordering them around as only fairies can do. It felt more like playing than anything else and, while at Brooke's, we each had to take a turn at Matilda's Hair Studio which consisted of a tiny stool to sit on in the kitchen while she brushed our hair and affixed tiaras on our coiffed dos as she stood back, obviously very proud of her accomplishments.
We enjoyed brunch together with Matt, Jaclyn, Ella and Jaclyn's parents to celebrate Matt's 34th birthday! For many people family gatherings are an every weekend, automatic thing they do with one, two or many of their siblings and parents. I've watched, over the years, how rich and fulfilling a strong family connection can impact an individual's sense of self. Given our relatively small families of origin here in Canada, we are growing in this wonderful tradition others have lived for so long. In fact, we were discussing how Ella, has nine 'grandparents' given her blended family whereas I'd never met any of my grandparents and Mike had only met one and then only once or twice.
My next post is scheduled for the day we take a coach ride from Lourdes, France, back to Barcelona, in order to fly to Rome the following day. If my plans bear out, I may be able to do an update on my iPad as we travel.
I will leave you now, wishing you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving as the passing of the days picks up speed leading us into this potentially life changing adventure!
Take care, hugs
and God Bless,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
I've been feeling better since having the blood transfusion on September 6th and despite the rumblings and tumblings in my abdomen, I'm blessed to be feeling as well as I am. One of my coping strategies is to keep my hands away from poking and prodding, mentally trying to measure the changes going on. I remain in email contact with my new favourite nurse, Lou and had repeat blood work done Friday to ensure my hemoglobin isn't sliding again. Tomorrow we meet with my 'Symptom Doctor', to assess and address any issues.
As Mike and I discussed though, it's too late for any major intervention at this point. We jointly took the giant leap of faith in deciding not to start chemo before our pilgrimage.
Through discernment, discussions with our caregivers, prayers and diving guidance, we have made the choice to receive support leading up to our departure. On our return, we have an appointment with Dr. Biagi, leader of the clinical trial, on October 23rd with the hope the trial has or will open at any moment. Some people have asked if it's in Kingston. Yes it is, another chance to offer thanks.
Just before I leave the medical side of our adventures, I'd like to let you know, if you haven't already realized, these ramblings and my appearance, my outward positive attitude, while natural and authentic, don't come easily. It's hard work digging down inside, and to use a phrase I quite like, turning over the 'crap of the past' and use it for fertilizer to grow a positive outcome of all this. One mini outburst was to Fr. Leo whom I still stay in contact with at least by text since his retirement. Here is part of my message to him, "....my plan is to participate in id (clinical trial) with the main goal of helping others through the research. I'm actually sick and tired of living in fear of this illness and pretending not to be." Guess what!?!? Letting off that little bit of steam has simmered my emotions down to the point of gently bubbling along in my daily life. It seems to be the only I can go back to, other than the barrage of prayers coming my way, to credit for this new found sense of calm in the midst of this major decision.
One other insight I've gained from all this, especially what I view to be a quantum leap of faith and decision making, is by stamping my feet, hands on hips and saying "NO", I'm NOT going to choose something, out of fear of what COULD happen, I know will decease my quality of life only weeks before going on this trip of a lifetime!" The nugget in all this, is to RELINQUISH CONTROL, which is at the root of some of my most damaging emotions. Each time I reflect on it, I'm going back to meeting, my almost life long enemy, face to face. Another simple, but brilliant insight, in its simpleness. Confirming once more, we don't get it, until we get it. On our own. In our own time and in our own way.
As I ponder these thoughts, it's like jumping off a cliff, trusting your parachute will open, which it does, allowing you to enjoy the scenery before an ever so soft landing, wondering why you had any fear in the first place.
We picked up our travel documents late last week, and inquired during our meeting about the insurance we purchased through the Tour Company, Collette. While we'd never heard of them, just goes to show our depth of knowledge of the industry. They have been in the business for 100 years! No wonder they do their own insurance underwriting. We were assured there was no problem. My handwritten notes from the presentation I attended back in March, I was reassured by the comment 'stable for 90 days prior to application for insurance', in the case of pre-existing conditions like mine.
It's finally becoming a reality, we are travelling a week from tomorrow! Being a traveller who likes to 'just show up', 'tell me the details later', and pack about the day or so before, I'm surprised at my desire to look up each of the stops on our tour. There is an innate interest in learning at least a little bit about each point of interest. At one of my virtual stops, I believe Lourdes, a sense of peaceful joy came over me covering me with a blanket of total caring and worry free sense of calm. More to go and I look forward to more emotional reactions. My friend Brenda suggested this trip could be a spiritual awakening of sorts, or reconciliation. The word 'catharsis' came to mind although I had to look it up to see if it's what I really meant. It's certainly close enough, by saying it's a spiritual release of suppressed emotions. I can almost feel the meaning.
The last couple of weeks have included time with family as my friend Martha and I played 'Kitchen Fairies for daughter in law Jaclyn, and 'Purging Fairies, for daughter Brooke. They were both thrilled with the results of us flying in, unpacking cupboards, drawers, boxes and ordering them around as only fairies can do. It felt more like playing than anything else and, while at Brooke's, we each had to take a turn at Matilda's Hair Studio which consisted of a tiny stool to sit on in the kitchen while she brushed our hair and affixed tiaras on our coiffed dos as she stood back, obviously very proud of her accomplishments.
We enjoyed brunch together with Matt, Jaclyn, Ella and Jaclyn's parents to celebrate Matt's 34th birthday! For many people family gatherings are an every weekend, automatic thing they do with one, two or many of their siblings and parents. I've watched, over the years, how rich and fulfilling a strong family connection can impact an individual's sense of self. Given our relatively small families of origin here in Canada, we are growing in this wonderful tradition others have lived for so long. In fact, we were discussing how Ella, has nine 'grandparents' given her blended family whereas I'd never met any of my grandparents and Mike had only met one and then only once or twice.
My next post is scheduled for the day we take a coach ride from Lourdes, France, back to Barcelona, in order to fly to Rome the following day. If my plans bear out, I may be able to do an update on my iPad as we travel.
I will leave you now, wishing you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving as the passing of the days picks up speed leading us into this potentially life changing adventure!
Take care, hugs
and God Bless,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
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