Given the myriad of things that could be possible, the phone call from my oncologist was 'as good as it gets'. It makes the 30 pound weight gain due to fluid retention and ferocious appetite all worthwhile. A real lesson in humility that I will share in a future post. Last Tuesday we went in for the follow up visit and had a wonderful appointment with one of the newest members of the medical team.
At this point a follow up appointment in two months has been booked without the need for a further cat scan. I am to contact the team anytime I have any health concerns or feel 'unwell' for two weeks or longer. You might wonder why a full body scan is not routinely done when someone is diagnosed with cancer. In my case I learned, if I have the information correct, that gynaecological cancers have a fairly predictable pattern of spread making the exposure to radiation less than desirable for potentially no gain in knowledge. I've also learned that my case, surprise, surprise has been unusual from the very beginning. I didn't fit any of the markers for this type of cancer, had very few symptoms, so ladies, pay attention to your bodies and respond appropriately by seeking medical help and advocating for yourselves. The progression of the disease has also been unusual having resulted in a spontaneous fracture in my spine and spread to the liver. Fortunately for me, I have not felt 'sick' through most of my adventures making it much easier to cope with all the other concerns that go along with it.
As I've told many people lately, "If I didn't know better, I'd think I was well". That, I believe is a result of all the prayers, positive energy and good thoughts being sent our way. I had an interesting dialogue with my stepdaughter about the request in my mission statement for prayers (to quote 'if you pray, please pray, if you don't, please consider it). She is second year university and in response to my request, posted an invitation on her Facebook page to come to the blog site. My intention is that if even one person benefits from reading these posts, the whole experience has been worthwhile.
The reality of today's world came into much sharper focus when she explained to me that while many of her friends and school acquaintances 'liked' her message, many were uncomfortable with the notion of being asked to pray. I too have received feedback from a number of people who say they don't pray in any formal way, or believe in some other form of higher power, all of which is perfectly fine with me and I believe any positive energy radiates outward, and settles like fairy dust on everyone it passes by on the way to the intended recipient.
Having been raised a 'cradle Catholic', I often wonder how individuals deal with desperate situations in their lives if they have no anchor (or any belief system) to hang onto. Understand, that I am not fully versed on Catechism, or all the doctrines of the Catholic faith, have in many ways felt that old Catholic guilt about not knowing more about the faith of my heritage. I do know though, that it has always quietly been there for the asking and yes, only drawn on when absolutely needed, especially in the days of my life when I thought I could control and handle anything and everything. Now I wonder how do young people facing difficulty, fear, isolation and depression cope if they have never been taught some form of reliance on something or someone larger than themselves. Have these young people been forced into a life of self dependence without the sense of belonging to something greater? How do they go about finding meaning in a sometimes superficial world? Where do they turn when they have even a hint of curiosity about a belief system or faith? I don't have the answers, just lots of questions.
So at this very special time of year, I hope to remain attune to how others are feeling and coping with what can sometimes be a very stressful, sad and lonely time. We have been blessed to have Christmas come early and so I have no sense of urgency to run out and shop, but rather have an overriding sense of calm when I think 'big picture'. Who could possibly ask for more? A pause in what has been a period of adventures that we'd never plan for ourselves, but somehow have found a renewed sense of purpose in the midst of it.
Our kids and family will be hither and yon over Christmas, we will be close to home, relatively quiet, spending time with our brothers and families and remembering the reason for the season.
New years will bring kids, grandkids and the promise of an exciting year ahead, knowing we cannot nor should we know what the future brings - we might choose not to go there and miss all the blessings that go with it! Take care, Merry Christmas and, until next time, God Bless,
Liz
'Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive'.
