A Time of Thanks - It's all in the Giving

I don't know about you but I'm still feeling like a stuffed turkey of my own making.

What started out as a plan for a low key dinner at Pat and Debbie's (Mike's brother), which we thoroughly enjoyed, ended up being preceded by dinner for 16 the day before because well, you know, that couple from church don't have any family locally and they don't really have anyone with whom to share Thanksgiving.  And then there's the neighbour across the street that might enjoy the other's company.  Well then, the kids are doing different things over the weekend and Saturday looks like it will work to have them all and their children and the mother of three of the kids is visiting so she really should be included.  After all that I think you get the picture.


A time of thanks that I felt well enough to plan and prepare a meal to share with those who are closest to us, along with a few extras who seemed to thoroughly enjoy their time with one another and get to know each other better.

Not really much to report on the medical front, which I promise to do at the beginning of these posts, my goal of not gaining any weight in the past month was relatively successful with only a 1.3 pound increase.  We'll see what the month of October brings with the holiday.  My next oncology appointment is in January at which time we'll discuss when I might have another cat scan.

A time of thanks that I continue to feel well overall and that I can reach out to those who may not be feeling all that great. That's as long as I get to it.   It's like there's an internal time clock that ticks along day by day, week by week and month by month, oftentimes when the signal comes that I should be in contact with someone, I have been having a tendency to hit the snooze button thereby pushing it off into an unknown future time frame.

The snooze button doesn't have a specific time frame attached to it.  Others might call is procrastination which somehow doesn't ring true to me.  Procrastination seems to relate  to matters that require attention as in tasks in a job rather than those activities to which you are drawn.  More on that shortly.

As I've been pondering the kinds of activities that I might like to keep busy with in my new found retirement, it seems that the connector in me experiences an inner, almost physical need to be in contact with all sorts of different people.  There are often times when sending even a sympathy card may take weeks to get sent out and while it may seem contrary to proper etiquette, or so I've been told, I have the opportunity to express sincere thoughts and feelings after the initial shock has subsided.  It's hopefully comforting in some way that the recipient knows that people are still thinking about them as they start the very difficult process of finding a new normal and forging a new path in life.

 Those belated birthday greetings include a message that while the card may be late, it also signifies that the person has been thought of every day that I intended to send it.

A time of thanks that I have the gift of building relationships and remembering seemingly inconsequential dates in my life that are very meaningful in the lives of others.  To remember the anniversary of the loss of a family member and simply make a phone call acknowledging the date.
Or, to remember the birthday of someone who, by any stretch, would be known as an acquaintance and I can call to wish them well.  It reminds one of the saying of Mother Teresa, "Not all of us can do great things.  But we can do small things with great love."

From time to time it seems we can all look outward and at the most random of moments, extend a smile or some gesture that will make the difference in the life of someone else.

In discussions with friends of late, about various and sundry topics, it has been coming up more frequently how isolated many people in our very busy, social society can be.  Despite all that is going on around us, there are scores of individuals who may have no contact with anyone on a regular, daily basis.  I don't know about you, but I don't seem to have the self discipline to commit to being in contact or even undertaking a commitment of some kind of activity on any regular basis although I strongly admire those who are able.  We have friends who do pastoral care every Sunday after Mass at a local nursing home and have learned how limited their contact is with the greater community.

It seems my participation in the activity of reaching out is quite a bit more random than theirs.

A time of thanks that my Dad's friend Doris, who is now 92 and living in a retirement home, taught me her secret recipe of how to make peanut brittle.  Without a doubt, it is the best you will ever try, and I shamelessly tell people - only because it's Doris' recipe, not mine!!!  For some time now I've labelled the candy as my 'secret weapon' that puts a smile on the faces of just about anyone who has tried it.  There is also a very small group of people who will, without notice, receive a delivery of this heavenly treat.

 It's somehow so much more enjoyable to keep people surprised rather than create an expectation that becomes a commitment that becomes a task on the list of things needing doing rather than remaining whimsical and in our own circle of activity, if, when, and as we choose.

I talked last time about things we do, feel compelled to do, are part of our work, enjoy, resent and matters in between.  In my efforts to navigate this new found land without clear paths showing me the way, no distinct signs pointing where I am to go, and no one watching over my shoulder to make sure I get done what I said I would do or that which is expected of me, I have been having discussions with my Spiritual Director on how to figure out what direction I'm to go.

As we continue to explore the world of Ignatian Spirituality, there is much to learn about the art of discernment and having the time to apply it to both important and seemingly routine decisions.  Recently I've found myself in a total dither whether to attend certain events, what parameters to use to make my decision and, subsequently whether my decision was the right one.  See what happens when you have time on your hands.  And to all my friends who say I analyze everything and overthink even the most inconsequential subjects, well guess what, I think it's become even more pronounced of late.

The most important point is to make the right decision for ourselves as we go through our daily lives. In my case I have strong feelings of offering up to God, my hands, my voice and my spirit to His will as He sees fit.  Sometimes this requires quiet contemplation about whether I am drawn to certain activities or, conversely, whether I'm feeling compelled to do certain things.  For most of my adult life I have lived in a state of compulsion, always anticipating what others wanted me to do, never mind what I might decide if I gave fair consideration to my own wants and needs.

 I'm learning that the more time I can take to become quiet, reflective and discern whether my decisions are being made from a state of consolation or desolation, the outcomes are coming from a place of much greater inner peace than ever before.


And finally,


A time of thanks for sharing with a seven year old little girl, an experience that hopefully will become memorable.  Over the past three years, a tradition has evolved whereby every 6 months or so I visit a friend's home to 'shop' for clothes for granddaughter Ella.  You may not believe this, but having had several step grandchildren followed by one biological, followed by two more and one on the way,  I have no compulsion (yes compulsion) nor am I drawn to shop for these wonderful little people.

In what I would describe as the 'spirit of poverty',  rather than buying new, we set a time and carefully go through all the clothes outgrown by Debbie's girls and pick out next season's wardrobe for Ella (given that she's the only one who follows in their size patterns).

The items could easily be on hangers with tags on them, given their pristine condition.  This time we had great fun and recruited 7 year old Kaitlyn to help make the selections.  During the conversation we learned that Katie is looking forward to a trip in the spring with grandma but that she must save toward her flight.

At the conclusion of our shopping and visiting, Ella's dad and I headed home with our 'loot' commenting on the pleasure of our visit.  We talked about how he knows many young families who could also benefit from our purchases, knowing full well that there will likely be a surplus of items. That's actually part of the joy of the activity.  Subsequently, included in the electronic payment, an amount was included for Kaitlyn to put toward her trip.  Given the 'deal' we'd been given, it was easy  to top up the amount and extend a tangible compliment to a little girl who was so mature and helpful in her behaviour.  Our hope is that it will reinforce positive behaviour in a setting when the parents were present but not initiating the feedback but rather simply being witness to it.  While I know it should remain as an unspoken random act of kindness, I am drawn to share it for reasons unknown to me at this time.  When this happens, I simply have to trust that the Holy Spirit is doing His thing to have someone read the message who will benefit from it, so we'll just go with it.

Having said that, I do recall a recent talk show on Christian radio which challenged the listener to purchase (whatever) an affordable item they wanted but substituting with a similar item of lower value and giving the difference to the poor.  Now that comes as a thought provoking suggestion from left field.  Do people really do such things?  Isn't it more about rewarding ourselves for all our hard work, enjoying the fruits of our labours and reminding ourselves that in fact we really are worth it?  Maybe not.  I leave that for you to consider.

 The example I shared hopefully, demonstrates some small effort in that regard.  In our personal case it leaves capacity to share more with the poor as we consider giving to others.

Whew, when I sat down to write a few random thoughts were in my mind like cobwebs in a cluttered attic.  Hopefully maybe one small concept has resonated with you and helps you or someone you know.  In any case, I'll be back in a couple of weeks.  Until then, take care, allow yourself some freedom to just be and enjoy the company of friends and family.


A time of thanks that there are people out there who appreciate the words in these posts. May the Holy Spirit keep giving me the guidance to share thoughts and ideas.

Til next time,
Hugs and God Bless,

Liz
"The best gifts we can receive are prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love".

Life on - and off - the Hamster Wheel

With the warmth and sunshine we've been able to enjoy of late, there has been a chance to get the little ones outside to enjoy our fabulous park like setting that backs onto Collins Creek.  It's so easy to  get lost in the imaginary launching of boats that takes the form of twigs, pieces of bark and even apples thrown into the slow, lazy moving water.

These days it gets more swampy than not, but to a child and a 'wanna be' child just being in close proximity to water seems to calm the soul.  These are the times I vow to cherish and tuck away in the memory of my heart to gently pull out when things get more hectic than necessary.

This past Sunday we celebrated my son Matt's 31st birthday with weather as sunny and warm as the day he was born.  His friend Jaclyn and daughter Ella joined in the festivities.  Last year we started an  'accidental tradition' on Ella's second birthday.  Our family, not being big sweet eaters, have, on occasion totally forgotten the birthday cake.  In fact, on my 40th birthday, we found the cake in the garage the next morning.  Well, last year, with no cake having been baked or bought, a quick peak in the freezer revealed a box of ice cream sandwiches.

 Presto, instant ice cream cake!  Ella was thrilled, never questioning the substitute dessert.  Lucky for us, her mom Ashley loves to provide the fancy, themed birthday parties so we get to keep things much more casual.  Ella had great fun helping grandma 'prepare' the birthday cake by unwrapping it and sticking a single candle in the middle for effect.

The last couple of weeks have been more hectic than necessary.  During a lunch meeting in August, I allowed myself to be pulled into helping organize a really fun event that, in the end, and lots of praying for the weather, turned out just great.

 I've never done well on the day of such things as I constantly scan the activity to ensure everyone is having a good time.  In this case that wasn't necessary as I did what one should and that is surround yourself with highly competent people to stay on top of the details.  Well, one couldn't find a better group of volunteers than we had on this day. They know who they are and I can't thank them enough.

What I did learn though, is the unpredictability of my own physical energy level.  On Monday and Tuesday following, it was like I'd had every drop of steam wrung out and ended up lying around like a limp dish rag.  Fortunately for me, I was able to take the time to rest, regroup and reenergize.

 Everyone else involved of course, just had to go on with their regular hectic schedules and lives.

In my idle moments I've been pondering where I've been spending my time since being 'retired' and realize it's not exactly where I thought I might devote my attention.  While wearing out many pairs of shoes on the hamster wheel I often lamented not having the time to do some of the things I really wanted to do.  If only I had more free time, if only I could work part time, if only I could take a sabbatical - oh, if only, if only.  Well guess what?  Books continue to sit unread patiently waiting until I might get to them.

Craft projects with my name on them don't seem to come down off the shelf of their own accord.
The desk in the corner of the kitchen that used to drown in my collection of papers continues to remain half buried, unearthed a little more frequently but never quite pristine.

One can't help but wonder what that reveals about our true habits and desires.  Are we really doing in our daily lives what we'd like?  Are we unwittingly choosing activities that we are drawn to even if they happen to fall into the category of work, of our job?  Are we masquerading by moaning and groaning about the things we 'have to do' when in reality we enjoy the hum of the wheel.  If that is indeed the case, it might be time for those still running to pause and take a look at how they (you) are spending your time.  I used to say 'I love my job but I hate the work', meaning that those activities that energized me, brought joy into my life made me feel like I wasn't working at all.  Rather, I was using my God given gifts in furthering His work while here on earth.  The work part referred to those tasks that caused my brain to go sideways while I felt inept at trying to decipher computer programs, create reports and crunch numbers that were as imaginary as a mirage in the desert.

Last Thursday, the Foundation office held a retirement tea in my honour which was well attended by donors with whom I've had long standing dealings.  At such events it's so difficult to spend the time you'd like with each person.  I haven't tried to guess how many were 90+ and still going stronger than many of us.

 It's interesting to observe how the patterns of our lives change as we transition from one phase to the next.  As my trust and faith in God's plan for my life develops and grows ever deeper, I feel so much more at peace with whatever happens next.  I used to fret about people moving in and out of my life, feeling a loss as the natural rhythm of our existence moved back and forth like a gently  rolling tide.  Now I almost look forward with anticipation as to what is next and who I will be blessed with next to share experiences.

Over the past four weeks, I signed up for a Faith Development series at our Church on Tuesday evenings.  The concept is great for adult learning, starting with a video followed by small group discussion.  Can you imagine how inviting a series on the Seven Deadly Sins and the Seven Lively Virtues might be?

Well, there turned out to be between 40-50 people.  For this session, rather than assigning people to specific small groups for discussion, we remained at our tables in the main hall.

It's quite a revelation to tell you that the Holy Spirit put the best people at our table, ranging in age from twenty something to 83.  We had serious discussion reviewing and answering the suggested questions but mixed into it was humour, side splitting at times.  Who would have thought!  Okay, so now are you able to answer the question of what the sins and virtues are?  I'm not sure I could even after attending the session so here goes:

I was going to make it even easier for you by providing the definitions of the words I wasn't familiar with like 'avarice' and 'asceticism' but will leave it to you to google them if they piqued your interest.
A description I quite liked was that this list of sins pretty much outline the laundry list of dysfunctional behaviour that plagues most of us at one time or another in our lives.  Fortunately, the seven virtues are those that can help us rise above the pain and desolation caused by the sins which take the form of physical, emotional and spiritual challenges.

I'd like to leave you with a thought that might bend your mind like it did mine.  Some time ago, my brother in law Kirk, like many of you, suggested I write a book.  During another conversation he admitted he knew what it would be about, which intrigued me of course.  On pressing him further, he revealed that I should consider writing the story of the rest  of my life.

 Even now, I'm not sure what to do with that other than to let it roll around my brain like a few loose marbles - hey maybe that's been my problem lately!  Anyway, I will take leave for now and join back up with you in a couple of weeks when we see what the hand of God decides to write through my keyboard.  After all, I do invite the Holy Spirit before each post, to provide the message to share and I am graced to simply tap the keys in response.  

I wish you all a great start to the month of giving thanks, October and hope that you have an opportunity to get out and see the changing colours.  Even from just driving around town, this year seems to be flourishing in colour as the maples do their annual fashion show before undressing for the upcoming winter months.

Take care, God Bless and Hugs to All.......
Liz

p.s.   If even one person gains something from these posts, it's all been worthwhile.  If you've been touched and feel that someone else may benefit, please feel free to share. I'm often surprised by the number of people who ask permission to share these writings; please, feel free.

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".