Just as a prelude, this post is being written from various locations in Ontario and my never failing challenge with technology has not ceased to fail me. This is actually been written in Pembroke on my IPad giving never ending grief in being able to get to the bottom of the page to add in question marks where I had inadvertently changed the keyboard to some other function. Down the techno rabbit hole I flew, unable to retrieve the standard keyboard and not daring to ask once it was fixed if I could give it another try. Thinking I could simply finish it here at Lynda and Kirk's, I proceeded to tap away with the full confidence of completing the task without incident. But oh no, this post has been done in this haphazard fashion to meet my self imposed deadline of twice a month and I'm already three days late in publishing. What's my worry? I mean it's not like a daily newspaper publication where people have expectations to have it delivered before breakfast. I hope you enjoy coming along on this adventure and thank you for your interest.
I'm sitting here in North Bay at the home of my brother in his 'man cave' of a family room. After all, when you live on your own, in your own home, you can pretty much do whatever you'd like. One of the most unique features of this room is his mini putt golf course. You say what? Well he had to put a subfloor in and at the time his imagination took over and he cut holes in the floor sinking tin cans in various strategic areas. When covered over with the mini man holes covered with carpet, you can't even tell there's anything under there. Clever I'd say although we haven't 'golfed' in quite some time. One can also relax in the century old barber's chair and get lost in the calm serenity of the 150 gallon fish tank with striped fish up to about 8 inches long. Having grown up with this creative thinker I've learned to never assume you can guess what might be coming next. Seat covers in his truck. Nope, TShirts with mascots on them and on it goes. I must say it's nice to come for a visit and know that if I need a brief snooze, it's ok at any time.
We started out last Wednesday, riding (yes on Mike`s Harley) from Kingston to Goderich putting on our rain suits en route to Hwy 407, riding the rest of the way under threatening skies with a couple of rain showers along the way. It's an annual visit to Ed and Pauline's for the past 30+ years of which in total, we might have missed 3 years. I've long called it my favourite place on earth, a century old (plus) apple farm about a mile outside of the prettiest town in Ontario right on Hwy 8 with hand crafted statues scattered whimsically around the property made by Ed`s grandfather. Three boys gone fishing, one being a self portrait, they stand in the backyard forever holding their fresh fish satisfied with their catch. Jack and Jill stand patiently in the side yard ready to extend a tennis net across what was at one time a grass court. Not far away a drunken hobo leans precariously against a donkey watching the activity in the yard with a hazy gaze. Around the front of the property a mother polar bear relaxes with her cub as does a lion and her young one. One of the most impressive pieces is Sir John A. MacDonald prominently holding onto the handles of a plow being pulled by two oxen. Sadly a few years ago, a car left the road, crashed into the statue leaving Sr. John A. in need of extensive injury repair. Fortunately he is now standing again in his former grandeur. I have a photo album at home of my son Matt on his annual photo shoot with the statues, rain or shine that give a heart warming history of his growing up, spending special time in this little piece of heaven.
The short drive into town takes us to the `Square`, the main downtown core which is actually circular with the Court House in the centre with 8 streets branching off like spokes on a wheel. Taking West Street takes you down to the Salt Mine and the public beaches, sandy shores beckoning any water front lovers of the beach, me included. Over this past year someone built an Inukshuk along the water`s edge in a rocky section. Since then, a local phenomena has taken place with likely residents and tourists alike building their own version of the beloved northern statue. One of my most exciting visits included being downtown when an F3 tornado barrelled off the lake, right up West Street into the middle of town spinning at well over 200 km an hour leaving us feeling like we were in the Wizard of Oz when a tree flew by the window of the store in which we happened to be when it hit.
Four years later and millions of dollars of damage are like a bad dream having been brushed away with a gentle hand.
We next visited a couple of days with dear friends in Kitchener, Frank and Marie who have also been on the visitation list for over three decades. I`ve long credited this fun loving couple with getting me back to practicing my Catholic faith. The most effective means they used was nothing other than modelling what is possible to practice your faith in the midst of daily living. One specific incident I recall was when they matter of factly told me about having gone to a weekend ball tournament somewhere and how on Sunday morning they just quietly went off on their own to find the local church to attend mass. Marie and I used to work together in the bank and we could often efficiently complete large volumes of work without exchanging a word. Have you ever had a colleague where you could interact without having to speak a word, or when you do, one can finish the other`s sentence.
While in Kitchener we took the opportunity to connect with our eldest kids and grandkids for a brunch in Guelph. My stepkids Krista and Mike and Ryan and Niki and their families live in Cambridge and Guelph respectively, whom I`ve known since they were two and four. We had our first visit with Baby Grace, now four months old and her older sister Lauren, having just turned two. Rylee was as affectionate as always having turned 13 in August. We`d experienced a period during Krista and Ryan`s teen years when there was an absence of contact. When my first husband, Rick, their dad, passed away in 2002, we reconnected and have been in contact ever since. It`s the effort without the fuss and drama that can often beleaguer blended families, that keeps us in a healthy relationship. We`d agreed long ago that there is no need nor desire to suddenly try to make up for lost time by invading one another`s space with lots of baggage crowding out the potential for joy and gentle renewal of our long time connection.
Krista and Ryan and Matt`s dad died very suddenly 13 years ago leaving broken hearts and a truckload of questions. I didn`t have answers for them as their Dad was very private and reluctant to share matter of such sensitivity. Matt had the benefit of having his Dad in his life but still experienced a shattering of his world at 19, just eight weeks into university four hours from home. I recently read a long obituary in the local paper, outlining in great detail, the interests and experiences of the individual`s life. At the same time the realization of how much an entire life is like a vapor here and gone in almost a breath came over me. How does everything we do and try to accomplish affect the world around us..... What lasting impression will we leave whether it`s identified with us or not....... I`m learning that all these years of striving to do well, to do what others need or want me to do are in fact misleading and misguided in terms of being successful in life.
Last year is a good example of how I transitioned to retirement yet filled almost the entire year with activities that reflected my ingrained behaviour of measuring success by taking on projects requested by others. This has led to many years of putting my own wants and needs off to the side and, at times throwing myself into activities that have led to anxiety, stress and even, at times resentment. For example, I participated in the Relay for Life based on a request from former colleagues to join their team. Had my logical brain been functioning up to par, I may have responded differently given that the walk was less than two weeks after our major trip to Hungary. But oh no, I spent months before our departure inputting email addresses, crafting emotional messages and tracking results on a daily basis. Did I settle for raising a couple of thousand dollars..... Oh no, I had to come out having raised the most donations of any individual in the Relay. Why....... Especially when I don`t relate to my illness, I choose not to identify with it and am on leave from my fundraising career.
What I been practicing this year is quite different from my past decision making process. A major part of this is a result of having developed three priorities for at least this year. If you haven`t read them in a previous post, they include: Faith Development, Time with Family and Friends and Taking Care of my Physical Health and Fitness. Having goals and priorities have long been promoted by employers, by coaches, by motivational speakers and others. I must admit it`s a concept I`ve known and known and known even more but never really implemented with a serious or wholehearted effort because I didn`t know what I thought I knew. Confusing....... yes. What I can tell you is that having set these three goals this year have been instrumental in achieving a whole new level of calm contentment in my life.
How could I not have known that having a set of priorities could form the framework for decision making from the simplest of challenges to the most complex........ It`s so easy to take requests and simply map them against my list and presto!, decision made. I also have a sense that in recent months I`ve (figuratively) been collecting parts of myself that have been scattered far and wide based on the requests of others, long since discarded and forgotten, leaving little bits of me behind. Moving forward, I intend to live my life my way, spending time with those I choose, doing activities that I choose to get involved with, confidently but politely declining those things that don`t align with my interests. This new practice, my slower pace, and lots of self care is leading to a sense of calm that I`m not sure I`ve ever experienced before. Much is attributed to the fact that, in God`s eyes, I`m perfect just as I am and no longer have to relentlessly pursue external approval of others to believe that I`m good enough. Just being is perfect enough.
A fun little personal challenge I give myself is attempting in some small way, on a daily basis, to share my faith in a soft and non intrusive way. Wait a minute you say, how does that fit with your plan....... Very easily as it folds into priority one which is faith development. Through ongoing, simple practice, it builds and deepens my faith. One day recently, while doing my pool walking on a quiet afternoon, there was only one other individual, an older man whom I know, a couple of lanes over. I dared to speak up, within earshot of the lifeguard, and tell him that on days when I don`t say my rosary in the morning, I wait and say it in the pool. He laughed and thought it was interesting (he wears a large gold cross all the time so it was a safe bet to say something). I then proceeded to tell him that when I used to do exercises at home and had to hold a pose for 30 seconds that I would pray the Hail Mary three times and get both my exercise and praying done at the same time. When I told him it takes 10 seconds to say a Hail Mary, he actually stopped, looked up at the clock and quietly said the prayer ending with telling me ``You`re absolutely right, ten seconds``. While we had a good laugh about it, you could see that he took something from our brief exchange and I can only hope that it produced a little ripple effect.
I`m going to sign off now and thank you for spending a little bit of your time with me. I really never am sure of what going to come out but trust that it`s what is meant to be written. I do some of my most creative thinking while out riding with Mike so I may need to keep something handy to reflect my thoughts and gather them at blog writing time.
Take care, God Bless, keep safe, until next time,
Hugs
Liz
dobbsjones gmail.com
`Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive`.
