New Year's Eve 2016, here we are closing off another year and perhaps the best Christmas in many. Yes, there was one big surprise, but for the most part, one of the most calm holidays, despite the revolving door at our home with the comings and goings of family and friends.
It's wonderful to be able to report that on the medical front, all has been peaceful and calm with lots of pool time and walking, helping to work out the kinks and cramps that make every effort to sneak in and take over my joints.
Nathalie and I had a fun time decorating the tree while everyone else made themselves scarce. This year has been rewarding in terms of choosing gifts and helping others do the same. An aha moment came when pondering what someone in particular might like. First of all, Christmas is no surprise to anyone, we know today when Christmas will come next year. Second, we speak to those we plan to buy for, at a minimum, several times during the year. If we are truly listening to what they say, we might pick up a clue about something they might like or be interested in. If not, we can always initiate a conversation to that effect. Why then, do we tend to aimlessly wander around like zombies at the 11th hour, desperately hoping for that one perfect, just right gift to jump off the shelves into our waiting arms? The sense of desperation and frustration is typically projected at the season but in reality it's my own sense of inadequacy for not having listened more carefully to those closest to me, throughout the year. As it turned out, I experienced a true sense of joy having participated in at least ten gift choices, all of which were appreciated. I know, I know, it shouldn't have taken me 60 years to figure that one out, but it did. And kudos to all of you who seem to be able to operate in such a joyful manner throughout the year. Another major shift was to reduce the gift 'quota' that we seem to have imposed upon ourselves for years. The challenge of changing any habit of course, is that anything out of the norm feels very uncomfortable. It took a few self coaching lessons to realize that the 'grinchy feelings'' which kept surfacing were hints of changing behaviour in the direction we had decided to go. Counter-intuitive but true.
A God moment came a few weeks ago when, out of the blue, an idea came into my head about a potentially great gift. In my own mind, it was a gift for our own kids, but could easily apply to that one person in everyone's life - the person who has everything. It seems this year more than ever, the feelings of abundance to a fault have been hovering over me, sometimes perched on my shoulder like a little angel of conscience. In a year when we've had hatred, misery, loss, desperation, homelessness and war blown into our living rooms day in and day out, how can we not think about our lot in life as compared to millions of others suffering in all parts of the world. Do we really need the latest of this, or the fourth of that, or the newest version of the other? In as much as we do pray everyday for the entire world when we say our grace before meals, there seemed to be something more tangible we could do.
One great idea of course is we can go through the charity catalogues that seem to have taken on the Sears Wishbook look, where you can buy a rooster, a chicken, a goat or some other very helpful community support. I get all that, but once you've done it, you're left with a good feeling and presumably a little paper reminder to hang on your tree. I've even done that and created a collage for my brother to hang on the wall as a daily confirmation of the good he has done in the world by not receiving yet another gift from us. Well, this year did turn out to be different. To the point that Nathalie declared it was her favourite Christmas present. Yes! God is Good. What was it you ask? Pretty simple.
We decided to craft a letter to 3 of our kids as an experiment in looking at Christmas, and the world around us, from just a slightly different perspective. The letter talked about keeping the 'reason for the season' in mind, together with donning a 'spirit of poverty' in our daily living, remembering that Jesus started his life among the poor rather than the 'rich and famous'. The Christmas theme and how it weaves together threads of joy and celebration with poverty and hardship; the same threads visible in our own personal lives. We offered a gift to help these young adults reach out and share with someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't enjoy the quality of life that we have. We invited them to let someone experience what it's like to enjoy a little treat from them.
The instruction was to take the contents of the second envelope and share with whoever they decide might benefit. No rules, no parameters, no reporting back. Like the saying goes "If we can (help), we must". We invited then to experience the abundance of joy of changing the lives of others for the better, even one moment at a time. Tucked in the second envelope were ten $10 bills. In this way, they are encouraged to be mindful, conscious of those around them, and open to opportunities where they could make a difference. It's a tiny step in shifting their thinking a little more outwardly than before. They all have good hearts, which will be warmed even more, by gentle gestures of kindness. The reactions were similar: quiet, thoughtful reading of the letter, surprise at the contents of the second envelope and, almost instant awareness, of the possibilities it holds for themselves and others. While we haven't asked for any 'reporting back', we may encourage sharing stories they find particularly compelling. Imagine, they can spread Christmas out over the entire year.
The biggest surprise of this Christmas was one of those moments you sometimes wonder will ever come, especially in today's secular world of instant gratification, relaxed rules and even, an eroding family structure throughout society. Our son Matt, proposed to his girlfriend of 3 1/2 years, Jaclyn, just before Christmas dinner, in front of her family. He had tucked the ring in the ring finger of the left glove of a pair he'd bought matching his own, and the last present to open. As she tried them on, she felt something, reflected by a look of puzzlement to which Matt reacted, by getting down on one knee asking for her hand in marriage. Matt, who has long said he had no particular interest in getting married in any formal sense. Here, he was the guy who contacted her parents in advance asking permission to pose the ultimate question. Needless to say the excitement added to the entire sparkle of this year's Christmas with many tears of joy, hugs and high fives. Within hours plans were underway with lots of happy chatter, but as the mother of the future groom, I get to participate here and there, voice an opinion, add a comment or admire a decision, all without being in the centre of activity. I apologize to many family members and friends with whom I've not yet shared the big news; the activity over the last week has left us with barely enough time to get through activities and get enough rest to keep going.
I will close this year with the same New Year's resolution I've made for quite a number of years now. It is to be able to say "I'm glad I did, rather than I wish I had." It can apply to so many parts of our lives throughout the year and a simple one to use when making the smallest of decisions. On that note, I will sign off, wish you a very Happy New Year, one filled with good health, peace and contentment, and pick up my phone to text those I have meant to share news with and email the others on my list.
Take care, God bless, and I'll be back next year!
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
'Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive.'
Saturday, 31 December 2016
Thursday, 15 December 2016
Content to Walk in my own Shoes this Christmas
I've just returned from the pool, had lunch, and taken a deep breath as I contemplate what might be written today by my buddy. Perhaps I've mentioned it previously, not sure, but often I go back to review what I said last time in an effort to avoid duplication. Inevitably, I seriously wonder where the words came from. Mind you, I know exactly where they came from and I continue to thank the Holy Spirit for His guidance and direction.
Let's do an update on the medical front in accordance with the established pattern of thought and original reason for these posts. Had a consult with an Ophthalmologist last Tuesday morning and got the results of the bone scan and cat scan that same afternoon. If you're like me, you've heard about the eye clinic waiting room bursting at the seams with patient patients filling their time with trivial matters as they anticipate their name being called on the intercom advising what room to report to for service. Well, let me tell you, for my purpose, a cataract consult, we were sent to the 3rd floor at Hotel Dieu Hospital, not the usual 6th floor which I described. There were perhaps 12 chairs and maybe 6 patients waiting. In the short time we were there, a couple of nurses buzzed around calling people here and directing people there and in the midst of it, a male voice calling patients into the inner sanctum. A nurse politely ushered us in, eye drops within seconds of sitting down followed by instructions to read the chart with my glasses on. Ok done. From there we went back to the waiting room and barely warmed our seats when called in to see the doctor. In a most pleasant way he introduced himself, told us about his expertise and experience and dictated a letter over the phone within about a minute. As he did his examination, he very casually commented, "You know you're legally blind in your right eye, don't you?" I said pardon! But believe it or not, in many ways I felt relieved that the last few months have not been the result of an overactive imagination about my sight and general sense of discombobulation.
Early in the new year I can look forward to restored vision for which I'm ever so grateful.
After a quick stop we went on to our appointment with the symptom doctor to learn the results of the scans. Our little entourage of Mike, my constant co-pilot Tess and I arrived at the Cancer Centre with a relative sense of calm. My ever active imagination was convinced that if the news was bad, the examining room would have members of the oncology team ready with clip boards in hand and straight faces. But no, the cheerful nurse took us through our usual paces of weigh in, blood pressure, heart rate etc. after which a medical resident arrived with the physician in tow. We did a review, he did a sort of examination, then proceeded to tell us the results of the tests. The bone scan was clear - no unusual cells or lesions to be found! Hip hip hooray! The cat scan was virtually unchanged from May of this year. Cells and lesions still present in my liver but stable and behaving very well. Needless to say the result of the news was a happy dance with hugs all around. Anyone who has been following this blog with any regularity will know exactly where we solidly give credit. Yup, squarely in the lap of all the prayers that have continued to come our way over the past 4 years. Christmas came early to our house and we joyfully say 'God is Good'. What a relief! The coast is clear to dismiss all the aches and pains as side effects, results of ageing, or minor strains. Who cares!?! We can deal with it all, knowing not to constantly jump to conclusions with every twinge or sore joint or muscle. I can continue to live every day well until I'm not.
More than anything else these last few weeks, is the feeling of inner peace and almost a joyful heart that has lifted my spirits. It's almost hard to describe although I can't help but wonder if detaching from the trappings of everyday life, focusing on the smallest of issues or the social pressures that go with the season has created a small bubble of contentment. I've been wondering why it has taken me so long to achieve this state of inner peace, something I've strived for most of my life. Yet here we are, having faced some of the most precarious times, able to be accepting of what is and simply following it along like one of those inner tubes on a lazy river in the warm sunshine (as the frigid wind blows outside right now). I even pondered why, this year, unlike many before, I actually enjoyed baking cookies with a friend. You who know me well, are familiar with the frozen look of fear anytime someone even mentions the idea of baking! What I concluded was the joy I experienced knowing I was helping someone else achieve a goal, which, in turn, with a ripple effect was going to bring joy to others.
One reasonable explanation for this new feeling may well be the result of no longer making up to do lists for one day, that couldn't be completed in 5 or 6 days! Another may be that I'm not having to fit and squish things in between commitments and expectations of others. No, these days I allow the true Director of the Universe to set the pace and He is much more reasonable than I had ever been.
As we face the final countdown toward Christmas, may you enjoy peace, good health and pleasant times with family and friends. We plan to do just that, regardless of who ends up where on what day. The season will come together exactly as it is supposed to: Divinely Perfect.
Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas. Aren't you glad to be walking in your own shoes rather than so many who live with only a glimmer of hope of a better life? Let's all say a prayer, or send positive energy, or whatever works for you, to all those less fortunate than ourselves and wish them well from the bottom of our hearts.
Love and hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
Let's do an update on the medical front in accordance with the established pattern of thought and original reason for these posts. Had a consult with an Ophthalmologist last Tuesday morning and got the results of the bone scan and cat scan that same afternoon. If you're like me, you've heard about the eye clinic waiting room bursting at the seams with patient patients filling their time with trivial matters as they anticipate their name being called on the intercom advising what room to report to for service. Well, let me tell you, for my purpose, a cataract consult, we were sent to the 3rd floor at Hotel Dieu Hospital, not the usual 6th floor which I described. There were perhaps 12 chairs and maybe 6 patients waiting. In the short time we were there, a couple of nurses buzzed around calling people here and directing people there and in the midst of it, a male voice calling patients into the inner sanctum. A nurse politely ushered us in, eye drops within seconds of sitting down followed by instructions to read the chart with my glasses on. Ok done. From there we went back to the waiting room and barely warmed our seats when called in to see the doctor. In a most pleasant way he introduced himself, told us about his expertise and experience and dictated a letter over the phone within about a minute. As he did his examination, he very casually commented, "You know you're legally blind in your right eye, don't you?" I said pardon! But believe it or not, in many ways I felt relieved that the last few months have not been the result of an overactive imagination about my sight and general sense of discombobulation.
Early in the new year I can look forward to restored vision for which I'm ever so grateful.
After a quick stop we went on to our appointment with the symptom doctor to learn the results of the scans. Our little entourage of Mike, my constant co-pilot Tess and I arrived at the Cancer Centre with a relative sense of calm. My ever active imagination was convinced that if the news was bad, the examining room would have members of the oncology team ready with clip boards in hand and straight faces. But no, the cheerful nurse took us through our usual paces of weigh in, blood pressure, heart rate etc. after which a medical resident arrived with the physician in tow. We did a review, he did a sort of examination, then proceeded to tell us the results of the tests. The bone scan was clear - no unusual cells or lesions to be found! Hip hip hooray! The cat scan was virtually unchanged from May of this year. Cells and lesions still present in my liver but stable and behaving very well. Needless to say the result of the news was a happy dance with hugs all around. Anyone who has been following this blog with any regularity will know exactly where we solidly give credit. Yup, squarely in the lap of all the prayers that have continued to come our way over the past 4 years. Christmas came early to our house and we joyfully say 'God is Good'. What a relief! The coast is clear to dismiss all the aches and pains as side effects, results of ageing, or minor strains. Who cares!?! We can deal with it all, knowing not to constantly jump to conclusions with every twinge or sore joint or muscle. I can continue to live every day well until I'm not.
More than anything else these last few weeks, is the feeling of inner peace and almost a joyful heart that has lifted my spirits. It's almost hard to describe although I can't help but wonder if detaching from the trappings of everyday life, focusing on the smallest of issues or the social pressures that go with the season has created a small bubble of contentment. I've been wondering why it has taken me so long to achieve this state of inner peace, something I've strived for most of my life. Yet here we are, having faced some of the most precarious times, able to be accepting of what is and simply following it along like one of those inner tubes on a lazy river in the warm sunshine (as the frigid wind blows outside right now). I even pondered why, this year, unlike many before, I actually enjoyed baking cookies with a friend. You who know me well, are familiar with the frozen look of fear anytime someone even mentions the idea of baking! What I concluded was the joy I experienced knowing I was helping someone else achieve a goal, which, in turn, with a ripple effect was going to bring joy to others.
One reasonable explanation for this new feeling may well be the result of no longer making up to do lists for one day, that couldn't be completed in 5 or 6 days! Another may be that I'm not having to fit and squish things in between commitments and expectations of others. No, these days I allow the true Director of the Universe to set the pace and He is much more reasonable than I had ever been.
As we face the final countdown toward Christmas, may you enjoy peace, good health and pleasant times with family and friends. We plan to do just that, regardless of who ends up where on what day. The season will come together exactly as it is supposed to: Divinely Perfect.
Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas. Aren't you glad to be walking in your own shoes rather than so many who live with only a glimmer of hope of a better life? Let's all say a prayer, or send positive energy, or whatever works for you, to all those less fortunate than ourselves and wish them well from the bottom of our hearts.
Love and hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
Thursday, 1 December 2016
The Hopscotch of Chasing Wellness
OK, who put the world on warp speed over the last short while? Is this what it's like for the mature, ageing population? Is this somebody's joke about getting older? Did I walk through an invisible wall last Wednesday to enter a new parallel dimension where someone pressed a button and time sped up? Or could it be as Mike settles into retirement, and is around most of the time, simply the nature of his presence alters my perception of time? Certainly something to ponder. Nothing about this experience is negative in any way. Many days I wake up with the sense that we are 'playing' at life now, not having to report to someone, or somewhere, or somehow having to account for our time and activities.
You may know that on November 23, 2016 a new milestone was reached. One that I'm ever so grateful to have achieved. I'm almost as proud and excited to say "I'm 60" as I was to say "I'm 12" or "6 and a half"! There is almost a hint of magic in the air as the days go by, looking with new, cataract filled eyes at the wonder of the world around me. Oh, yes, I am going for a consult next Tuesday morning, to assess a cataract in my right eye that, hopefully, is 'ripe' for removal. Somedays I walk around like a one eyed pirate trying to get an idea of what's really in front and around me.
Next Tuesday afternoon, we meet with the 'symptom' doctor to discuss the results of the bone scan and cat scan, both done yesterday, December 1st. Unlike previous tests, I somehow have an air of freedom surrounding me rather than a sense of dread at what we may be told. My imagination is behaving in such a mature and thoughtful way, it deserves a gold star for allowing me to enjoy each hour in relative calm and peace. It's as though I've reached a new level of acceptance of what could be, while grateful for all that has been. Perhaps this is the secret to praying with indifference. Fret and worry will change nothing about what is to come, and, at the same time, wreak havoc on the day that is in front of us. By being indifferent and accepting of whatever is to come our way makes things much easier on us and everyone around us.
At my last doctor's appointment, when I was told most directly I was having the scans, I was also instructed to cease and desist the myriad of alternative treatments and therapies that I'd been exploring this year. Pool walking and walking outdoors were ok, all others are currently banned from my daily routine. Truth of the matter is that I didn't need to be told, I knew, that my body has likely become more than a little confused about what stimulation it needs to respond to at any given moment. What am I talking about? Ok, confession time. Back in February/March I started a treatment which is known to have the body go into self healing mode, I think it calls forth the parasympathetic system. During that time, I'd heard about another therapy to very naturally and gently treat pains of all sorts. Checking with the first therapist, yes it was complementary so ok to try. Try I did and went until early summer. With no dramatic, life altering results, we agreed to take a break and I would call to resume care. In the meantime I'd decided that acupuncture would almost surely be a further complementary service so did a few sessions to get at some of the nerve pain. Mind you, Mike and I have had acupuncture off and on for over 12 years now with generally positive results for certain acute symptoms. Oh, yes I must also throw in a few visits to a massage therapist.
Lo and behold don't we hear about a chiropractor with 'amazing' results so off we go and pay a visit. A visit you might ask? No, in fact it was a few months of visits and while helpful, my body wasn't really sure how to respond. Keep in mind that most of these therapies were being explored while in the midst of chemo treatments that lasted from March to early August. The problem with all of this is that my poor body is being led in many directions at the same time and possibly becoming totally confused along the way. Do I regret trying these services? No. Can I determine whether I'd have been better of not trying anything? No, and, in fact persevered under the premise that each and every treatment was providing some sort of healing benefit in the midst of the chaos of chemo.
What we've learned from this escapade of hear about, seek, try, and move on to something else, is that Mike and I seem to have a common interest in doing just that. Exploring alternative therapies to improve our overall health. After all, during the majority of our adult lives we'd both had benefits to cover some portion of the cost of such treatments, but rarely taken advantage of the opportunities. It's easily explained by the fact that we'd both been blessed with excellent health, full busy and active lives, hence, no sense of need of anything other than a routine annual checkup. Perhaps now is a bit of catch up time for good reason. We're not thirty anymore! When doing a little research on whether to avail ourselves of one type of treatment or another, we know full well that we're both going to try whatever it is and end up being treated simultaneously. Do you suppose we could call this behaviour a hobby? I sometimes wonder.
Another 'hobby', if I may address it that way, is to deepen my faith and build my relationship with Jesus. This is probably paramount in my life as time goes on; preparation for the greatest exam of my time on earth. Recently I spoke to a friend who I hadn't seen in at least a couple of years given my ever shrinking world of contacts. She pointed out how much she missed the discussions we used to have about the world as we don't know it. My words, not hers. We'd both watched a movie about metaphysics back then, and even organized a weekday brown bag lunch discussion with her colleagues, who'd also had an interest in the subject and seen the movie.
What I was able to share with her during our recent discussion is, at this point in my life the more I explore my faith, the more possibilities there are that the supernatural exists within the framework of God's universe. It's interesting to hear about the change that occurs within highly educated and trained individuals who take it upon themselves to 'prove' there is no God. In many cases, they work so hard at it, and explore so deeply, they research themselves to the conclusion of there being no explanation other than, there must be a God. Interesting huh? Personally, I thoroughly enjoy pondering and discussing such possibilities.
I'd like to end this post by sharing a portion of an article by Richard Cole, author of 'Catholic By Choice'. The article is called 'A Week of Gratitude: Grateful for Less'. It's from a daily message received on Ignatian Spirituality. It resonated so loudly within me, my plan is to practice it each and every day:
"I notice I'm saying a bit less these days, especially when I'm tempted to impress someone with a witty remark, light teasing, or something else that might be seen as impressive. I had my tongue and almost immediately I realize my remark may have just complicated the situation, leading to more chatter and useless agitation that the world really doesn't need. Less is better."
And on that note I look forward to sharing a further update in a couple of weeks. Take care, God Bless and the best for the Advent season. May you not be run ragged by the commercial trappings of the holidays.
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
You may know that on November 23, 2016 a new milestone was reached. One that I'm ever so grateful to have achieved. I'm almost as proud and excited to say "I'm 60" as I was to say "I'm 12" or "6 and a half"! There is almost a hint of magic in the air as the days go by, looking with new, cataract filled eyes at the wonder of the world around me. Oh, yes, I am going for a consult next Tuesday morning, to assess a cataract in my right eye that, hopefully, is 'ripe' for removal. Somedays I walk around like a one eyed pirate trying to get an idea of what's really in front and around me.
Next Tuesday afternoon, we meet with the 'symptom' doctor to discuss the results of the bone scan and cat scan, both done yesterday, December 1st. Unlike previous tests, I somehow have an air of freedom surrounding me rather than a sense of dread at what we may be told. My imagination is behaving in such a mature and thoughtful way, it deserves a gold star for allowing me to enjoy each hour in relative calm and peace. It's as though I've reached a new level of acceptance of what could be, while grateful for all that has been. Perhaps this is the secret to praying with indifference. Fret and worry will change nothing about what is to come, and, at the same time, wreak havoc on the day that is in front of us. By being indifferent and accepting of whatever is to come our way makes things much easier on us and everyone around us.
At my last doctor's appointment, when I was told most directly I was having the scans, I was also instructed to cease and desist the myriad of alternative treatments and therapies that I'd been exploring this year. Pool walking and walking outdoors were ok, all others are currently banned from my daily routine. Truth of the matter is that I didn't need to be told, I knew, that my body has likely become more than a little confused about what stimulation it needs to respond to at any given moment. What am I talking about? Ok, confession time. Back in February/March I started a treatment which is known to have the body go into self healing mode, I think it calls forth the parasympathetic system. During that time, I'd heard about another therapy to very naturally and gently treat pains of all sorts. Checking with the first therapist, yes it was complementary so ok to try. Try I did and went until early summer. With no dramatic, life altering results, we agreed to take a break and I would call to resume care. In the meantime I'd decided that acupuncture would almost surely be a further complementary service so did a few sessions to get at some of the nerve pain. Mind you, Mike and I have had acupuncture off and on for over 12 years now with generally positive results for certain acute symptoms. Oh, yes I must also throw in a few visits to a massage therapist.
Lo and behold don't we hear about a chiropractor with 'amazing' results so off we go and pay a visit. A visit you might ask? No, in fact it was a few months of visits and while helpful, my body wasn't really sure how to respond. Keep in mind that most of these therapies were being explored while in the midst of chemo treatments that lasted from March to early August. The problem with all of this is that my poor body is being led in many directions at the same time and possibly becoming totally confused along the way. Do I regret trying these services? No. Can I determine whether I'd have been better of not trying anything? No, and, in fact persevered under the premise that each and every treatment was providing some sort of healing benefit in the midst of the chaos of chemo.
What we've learned from this escapade of hear about, seek, try, and move on to something else, is that Mike and I seem to have a common interest in doing just that. Exploring alternative therapies to improve our overall health. After all, during the majority of our adult lives we'd both had benefits to cover some portion of the cost of such treatments, but rarely taken advantage of the opportunities. It's easily explained by the fact that we'd both been blessed with excellent health, full busy and active lives, hence, no sense of need of anything other than a routine annual checkup. Perhaps now is a bit of catch up time for good reason. We're not thirty anymore! When doing a little research on whether to avail ourselves of one type of treatment or another, we know full well that we're both going to try whatever it is and end up being treated simultaneously. Do you suppose we could call this behaviour a hobby? I sometimes wonder.
Another 'hobby', if I may address it that way, is to deepen my faith and build my relationship with Jesus. This is probably paramount in my life as time goes on; preparation for the greatest exam of my time on earth. Recently I spoke to a friend who I hadn't seen in at least a couple of years given my ever shrinking world of contacts. She pointed out how much she missed the discussions we used to have about the world as we don't know it. My words, not hers. We'd both watched a movie about metaphysics back then, and even organized a weekday brown bag lunch discussion with her colleagues, who'd also had an interest in the subject and seen the movie.
What I was able to share with her during our recent discussion is, at this point in my life the more I explore my faith, the more possibilities there are that the supernatural exists within the framework of God's universe. It's interesting to hear about the change that occurs within highly educated and trained individuals who take it upon themselves to 'prove' there is no God. In many cases, they work so hard at it, and explore so deeply, they research themselves to the conclusion of there being no explanation other than, there must be a God. Interesting huh? Personally, I thoroughly enjoy pondering and discussing such possibilities.
I'd like to end this post by sharing a portion of an article by Richard Cole, author of 'Catholic By Choice'. The article is called 'A Week of Gratitude: Grateful for Less'. It's from a daily message received on Ignatian Spirituality. It resonated so loudly within me, my plan is to practice it each and every day:
"I notice I'm saying a bit less these days, especially when I'm tempted to impress someone with a witty remark, light teasing, or something else that might be seen as impressive. I had my tongue and almost immediately I realize my remark may have just complicated the situation, leading to more chatter and useless agitation that the world really doesn't need. Less is better."
And on that note I look forward to sharing a further update in a couple of weeks. Take care, God Bless and the best for the Advent season. May you not be run ragged by the commercial trappings of the holidays.
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
Wednesday, 16 November 2016
Remembrance and Faith in the Future
The last couple of weeks sure have been interesting, to say the least! One thing I will give no air time to, is, well you know, the reality show south of our border. Enough said about that.
Life goes on and the sun comes up each day, and we have been blessed with good weather, good people in our lives and a society that is one of the kindest and most tolerant in the world. We have been born into freedom that was hard fought for by those ahead of us, and it's reassuring to see so many deliberate actions and events to recognize the and remember those who valiantly made our country what it is.
An appointment yesterday with the symptom doctor is leading us to more testing after all. When I met with her mid-September she suggested a bone scan which I politely declined, admittedly due to fear. It was a time when I felt we just needed a break. Since then the achey, painful joints along with sore muscles, have caused my imagination to rev up, fuelling my mental ferris wheel with countless pockets of 'what ifs'. Surprisingly, it was pointed out to me by one loyal blog follower that I hadn't mentioned anything about pain in the last post, and so they presumed I was frolicking about pain free. Hmmm....truth is, not so much.
The plan is that I will have a bone scan on December 1st, blood work done in preparation for a cat scan and a follow up appointment to review the results on December 13th. I know what I'll be putting on my Christmas wish list! Prayers, good thoughts, white light, and lots of them thank you very much.
This past Sunday, Father Leo invited four people to witness where God has been in their lives during periods of loss, both physically and of possessions. Can you see it coming already? On Thursday of last week, he gently threw out the suggestion that Liz Dobbs Jones might be willing to share part of her story. Ok, give me a microphone and 5 minutes in front of a captive audience and I'm off to the races. In preparation, I reviewed the first few posts of Adventures in Prayer and Medicine to see how I had handled the news of reading in my medical file stating, in black and white, I had likely less than a year to live.
The context of our talk was to focus on loss of 'possessions', if possible, rather than health or life as they had been discussed in the prior week's homily. My choice of events included those having a direct link to tangible loss, hence the comments about retirement, which you will read shortly. While much of it will sound familiar to you as it probably did to many of those listening on Sunday, it may spark a little thought or two about your own life and where you turn in times of trouble or distress.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Thank Fr. Leo for the opportunity to give witness to the gospel through personal experience.
Life goes on and the sun comes up each day, and we have been blessed with good weather, good people in our lives and a society that is one of the kindest and most tolerant in the world. We have been born into freedom that was hard fought for by those ahead of us, and it's reassuring to see so many deliberate actions and events to recognize the and remember those who valiantly made our country what it is.
An appointment yesterday with the symptom doctor is leading us to more testing after all. When I met with her mid-September she suggested a bone scan which I politely declined, admittedly due to fear. It was a time when I felt we just needed a break. Since then the achey, painful joints along with sore muscles, have caused my imagination to rev up, fuelling my mental ferris wheel with countless pockets of 'what ifs'. Surprisingly, it was pointed out to me by one loyal blog follower that I hadn't mentioned anything about pain in the last post, and so they presumed I was frolicking about pain free. Hmmm....truth is, not so much.
The plan is that I will have a bone scan on December 1st, blood work done in preparation for a cat scan and a follow up appointment to review the results on December 13th. I know what I'll be putting on my Christmas wish list! Prayers, good thoughts, white light, and lots of them thank you very much.
This past Sunday, Father Leo invited four people to witness where God has been in their lives during periods of loss, both physically and of possessions. Can you see it coming already? On Thursday of last week, he gently threw out the suggestion that Liz Dobbs Jones might be willing to share part of her story. Ok, give me a microphone and 5 minutes in front of a captive audience and I'm off to the races. In preparation, I reviewed the first few posts of Adventures in Prayer and Medicine to see how I had handled the news of reading in my medical file stating, in black and white, I had likely less than a year to live.
The context of our talk was to focus on loss of 'possessions', if possible, rather than health or life as they had been discussed in the prior week's homily. My choice of events included those having a direct link to tangible loss, hence the comments about retirement, which you will read shortly. While much of it will sound familiar to you as it probably did to many of those listening on Sunday, it may spark a little thought or two about your own life and where you turn in times of trouble or distress.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Thank Fr. Leo for the opportunity to give witness to the gospel through personal experience.
I’m here to speak
to you by the grace of God, help of the Holy Spirit and the greatest respect for
every one here as each and every one of you have your own story.
August 2012 - a routine medical procedure led to a permanent,
medical disability.
I lost my professional identity overnight, after a 35 year career.
My Adventures in
Prayer and Medicine were born with many tumbles down rabbit holes ever since. The first
adventure was 8 months of surgery, chemo and radiation.
For the first time
in my life, with faith in hand, I wrote a personal mission statement that read,
in part, “To accept the privilege of
walking in faith to learn what’s possible through the combined power of prayer
and medicine. If this is my cross to
bear, may I do so with dignity, humility and grace.”
That proved to be a tall order!
That proved to be a tall order!
Two weeks after my
final chemo, I hurt my back. It grew increasingly worse amid physical activity
that defied any major damage.
Six weeks later, the
L1 vertebrae in my spine burst while going down the few stairs to the family
room. Imagine an internal explosion of
pain. Major surgery included cat scans,
which, revealed cancer cells had spread
to my liver. I went home with a
cane two weeks after surgery.
A few days later, while
leafing through my medical file I came across a totally shocking and earth
shattering comment of which I had previously had no recollection.
It read that I had
been seen on June 15, 2013 by the oncology team, and told “there is a metastases with disease to the liver. Survival may be short – likely less than a
year.” On reading that
comment, my knees crumpled, all went black and down I went with my freshly
titanium reinforced spine.
The sense of loss
and despair was gut wrenching. In addition to the potential physical loss of
life, as Job 5:5 reflects, the thirsty pant for their wealth. Not that I consider myself particularly wealthy, these feelings surfaced. I had worked hard
all my life, been responsible in trying to save for the future, with the very
real possibility of never seeing retirement, and all the joy that comes with it in terms of time with family.
I felt like Job in
9:17-18 “For he crushes me with a tempest and multiplies my wounds without
cause; He will not let me get my breath, but fills me with bitterness.”
Here I’d been
trying so hard to let God lead me through these trials and then He allows this
into my life? The only thing I could do
as I was reaching the end of my rope, was to tie a knot and hang on while
waving the white flag of surrender to God.
Now, 3 years
later, I’m still here partly due to a medication that induced an 80 pound
weight gain to suppress the spread of cells in my liver. This experience tested my pride and
humility as no other. I lost my physical identity to the point of not being recognized by people I’ve
known for 30 years and suffered significant mobility restrictions. On reflection, this was more difficult to
deal with than all other cancer treatment.
When Fr. Leo posed
the question about where we might be in our life’s journey of loss in terms of
the Book of Job, I liken it to being in a giant game of snakes and ladders. If this
happens, you slide back to here, or if that happens, you climb up to there. I’ve learned we all have to go to those dark places inside ourselves in times of tragic
loss, but more importantly, we can’t
stay there. We must grab the brass
ring of faith and hope, and hold on for dear life as God guides us through any
and all trials.
I don't begrudge anything I've been through and am trying to keep my
faith. At times it’s a challenge, but the hidden blessings along the way have been many.
When we find ourselves in difficult, life changing situations, most of
us need to let our world shrink to a size we can manage. And it’s ok.
I've learned that sometimes our fierce independence robs others of being able to demonstrate
kindness, affection and caring. I've learned when feeling down, the best
antidote is to extend a helping hand to someone else.
While I’m at a point where I’m deemed medically incurable, and have had
another 5 months of chemo this year, my
decision is to be well every day until I’m not, understanding it’s only by
the grace of and reliance on Jesus that can happen.
I’d like to close with sharing my
personal daily intention during prayers.
That is “For total acceptance and trust in God’s will for all aspects of
my life with a wise, understanding and discerning heart, and peace in my soul,
in the name of His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ”.
Thank you.
And thank you, for allowing me to share these comments with you.
We've had lots of fun along the way these last couple of weeks starting with meeting Conor, the young lad who collects can tabs on behalf of Brett Babcock, a local, former trampolinist, now confined to a wheelchair to due a tragic fall during practice. One friend from church brought over a 5 gallon pail of the tabs so we had an impromptu gathering of 4-5 friends. Giving Conor the last word - he said he was 'speechless' by the huge contribution. Another friend arranged to have Conor speak on radio this morning, 93.5 FM the country music station. I hope to track it down online somehow.
Having always wanted to see the rock band Supertramp perform live, it became somewhat of a reality last Wednesday at the K-Rock Centre. Roger Hodgson (Roger who? Ya, I said the same thing) was the co-founder, lead singer and songwriter for Supertramp and has been performing solo, with a back up band for a number of years now. It was awesome! In preparation, I looked up lots of the songs to refresh my memory on the lyrics. And yes, I had a number of them wrong all these years so had to rehearse a few times before concert night! It's really quite amazing how much enjoyment one can have without planning far away exotic trips and vacations.
In closing I can't help but share a little story about Mike. Yesterday I bought him his Christmas present - the newest version of a lawn rake which has exploded in popularity in the last couple of years. A high power gas leaf blower. It came with a full tank of gas. When we got home he went through the whole tank, went and got more gas, and 'blew' through another full tank! He blew out the garage, the driveway, front porch, steps, sidewalk, lawn, then went down tot he black yard and build a 'leaf wall' along the creek. He is thrilled with his new gadget and is already talking about how others use theirs to blow light snow off decks, cars, sidewalks. Can't you just picture it now, Mike getting dressed as each couple of centimetres falls during a storm, rushing out to blow it away!
We sure are getting joy out of the simple things in life and adjusting very well to sharing most days with one another. God willing, we will have many more!
Take care and God Bless,
Hugs
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".
And thank you, for allowing me to share these comments with you.
We've had lots of fun along the way these last couple of weeks starting with meeting Conor, the young lad who collects can tabs on behalf of Brett Babcock, a local, former trampolinist, now confined to a wheelchair to due a tragic fall during practice. One friend from church brought over a 5 gallon pail of the tabs so we had an impromptu gathering of 4-5 friends. Giving Conor the last word - he said he was 'speechless' by the huge contribution. Another friend arranged to have Conor speak on radio this morning, 93.5 FM the country music station. I hope to track it down online somehow.
Having always wanted to see the rock band Supertramp perform live, it became somewhat of a reality last Wednesday at the K-Rock Centre. Roger Hodgson (Roger who? Ya, I said the same thing) was the co-founder, lead singer and songwriter for Supertramp and has been performing solo, with a back up band for a number of years now. It was awesome! In preparation, I looked up lots of the songs to refresh my memory on the lyrics. And yes, I had a number of them wrong all these years so had to rehearse a few times before concert night! It's really quite amazing how much enjoyment one can have without planning far away exotic trips and vacations.
In closing I can't help but share a little story about Mike. Yesterday I bought him his Christmas present - the newest version of a lawn rake which has exploded in popularity in the last couple of years. A high power gas leaf blower. It came with a full tank of gas. When we got home he went through the whole tank, went and got more gas, and 'blew' through another full tank! He blew out the garage, the driveway, front porch, steps, sidewalk, lawn, then went down tot he black yard and build a 'leaf wall' along the creek. He is thrilled with his new gadget and is already talking about how others use theirs to blow light snow off decks, cars, sidewalks. Can't you just picture it now, Mike getting dressed as each couple of centimetres falls during a storm, rushing out to blow it away!
We sure are getting joy out of the simple things in life and adjusting very well to sharing most days with one another. God willing, we will have many more!
Take care and God Bless,
Hugs
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".
Monday, 31 October 2016
And to Another October - Good Night
Happy Halloween on this wonderfully mild last day of October. It's turning out to be yet another quiet night in the jungle on Safari Drive. Last year we maxed out at 10 little goblins, fairies and superheroes. This year we are on par for more of the same. Really not surprising given the evolution of our society where everything is within reach. No need to go out and earn the pillow case (remember dragging those around?) full of candy, treats and the often feared apples that may contain who knows what danger. If parents were disciplined, the candy would last until well into the new year. I remember visiting our aunt and uncle every Tuesday night throughout our growing up years where, about halfway through each evening, we were almost jumping out of our skin for that one, single piece of candy from the Halloween stash. No kidding, I'd swear those candies lasted right through until September the following year. Funny, the thoughts and memories that surface during these annual rituals.
In more recent years, the month of October has been one of pause and reflection, especially for those who have left our lives to enjoy the greater beauty that awaits us all, if we dare to believe. A friend from church, diagnosed two years after me, left us on October 18th after spending only a couple of weeks in the Palliative Care Unit at St. Mary's. Thankfully, I made the time to visit and sit with her twice in that time to pray, perhaps for a miracle, but more importantly, for acceptance of God's will for her life. A part of me watched with curiosity to see how the end of her life unfolded. Is that what it might be like for me when the time comes, I wondered? She was lucid, peaceful and accepting of what was to come. Everything had been arranged for the funeral mass, burial, even to the full sit down turkey dinner for 200! Our sweet friend was nothing if not organized.
And so, as we continue to walk through our daily lives, sometimes with clear purpose and other times with no sense of direction at all, we benefit from simply being open to the way we are being guided. I've found the more open I am to such direction, the more it happens. During a recent reflection period, an insight came to me saying 'We need to embrace the new life we are in rather than shun it.' It's a big thought and one that needs time to settle and certainly for me, something to get used to. I know I never asked for the changes that happened in my life and have been making efforts to adjust all along the way. Another thought is 'healing is in, and comes through the pain.' Do you suppose that could mean that our inside (spiritual) healing is a product of the physical pain we go through at certain times of our lives? Two more thoughts from this same time of reflection that I will share in order that you might consider how they resonate with you. 'Being/walking in the desert is one of the only ways to quiet the mind, still the body and open the heart.' This one I think actually came from the film we were watching in the Wild Goose is Loose Series. The final one is 'The grains of sand represent the millions of particles of minutiae that fill our daily lives. Keep focussed on the oasis which is where the true water of life can be found.' Perhaps random thoughts. Maybe food for thought. I don't really know much more than they might be seeds scattered like the wind, never knowing where they might land and take root.
It's now well past 8 pm so time to roll up the sidewalk and put the skeletons to bed as we close the door on another Halloween.
Keep well, take care and enjoy each day.
Hugs
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
In more recent years, the month of October has been one of pause and reflection, especially for those who have left our lives to enjoy the greater beauty that awaits us all, if we dare to believe. A friend from church, diagnosed two years after me, left us on October 18th after spending only a couple of weeks in the Palliative Care Unit at St. Mary's. Thankfully, I made the time to visit and sit with her twice in that time to pray, perhaps for a miracle, but more importantly, for acceptance of God's will for her life. A part of me watched with curiosity to see how the end of her life unfolded. Is that what it might be like for me when the time comes, I wondered? She was lucid, peaceful and accepting of what was to come. Everything had been arranged for the funeral mass, burial, even to the full sit down turkey dinner for 200! Our sweet friend was nothing if not organized.
And so, as we continue to walk through our daily lives, sometimes with clear purpose and other times with no sense of direction at all, we benefit from simply being open to the way we are being guided. I've found the more open I am to such direction, the more it happens. During a recent reflection period, an insight came to me saying 'We need to embrace the new life we are in rather than shun it.' It's a big thought and one that needs time to settle and certainly for me, something to get used to. I know I never asked for the changes that happened in my life and have been making efforts to adjust all along the way. Another thought is 'healing is in, and comes through the pain.' Do you suppose that could mean that our inside (spiritual) healing is a product of the physical pain we go through at certain times of our lives? Two more thoughts from this same time of reflection that I will share in order that you might consider how they resonate with you. 'Being/walking in the desert is one of the only ways to quiet the mind, still the body and open the heart.' This one I think actually came from the film we were watching in the Wild Goose is Loose Series. The final one is 'The grains of sand represent the millions of particles of minutiae that fill our daily lives. Keep focussed on the oasis which is where the true water of life can be found.' Perhaps random thoughts. Maybe food for thought. I don't really know much more than they might be seeds scattered like the wind, never knowing where they might land and take root.
It's now well past 8 pm so time to roll up the sidewalk and put the skeletons to bed as we close the door on another Halloween.
Keep well, take care and enjoy each day.
Hugs
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
Saturday, 15 October 2016
Thanksgiving and Gratitude in Everyday Life
Thanksgiving has come and gone once again and I'm grateful to have enjoyed the experience. Someone commented on how truly special this holiday is. "It's like Christmas but without all the stress and external trappings of gift buying". Makes a lot of sense huh? I suppose we could all make an effort to better manage our own expectations for Christmas by giving ourselves permission to shift even in a small way to less shopping, wrapping and piling under the tree. Let's consider breaking free from corporate marketing and the pressure of a throw away society. Just a thought. Enough of that for now though.
I've delighted in the progress my medical mind shift has been making. Needless to say it's very helpful to go for a follow up appointment to review my health status. The stiff and achey joints are an aftershock of chemo which hopefully will dwindle over time. Ok, check. Provided them a copy of bloodwork results from my family doc. Ok, no concerns, check. Increased fatigue is likely restorative as body has a chance now to start healing from five months of toxic assault. Ok, check. Vital signs all normal and no ongoing or severe pains. Ok, check. Conclusion being next follow up appointment in six months! I said pardon? Really? Yup, just listen to your body and react appropriately. Live every day in a healthy way until something happens. Wow, do I have lots to be thankful for. After all isn't living every day in a healthy way something we all try to do?
Back to Thanksgiving weekend for a moment considering it was Mike's second weekend of retirement. If you read my last post you know that we got to have three grandkids for four days. Since we were invited to Mike's brother's for Sunday, we decided to have a small family dinner on Saturday. While I contemplated cooking a turkey, the hose to the kitchen faucet burst at the beginning of the week. Not to be found locally, Mike called the company to have a replacement shipped with no guarantee it would arrive by the weekend. My rational self reviewed the situation deciding it may be unreasonable to try to put on a full turkey dinner with no water in the kitchen. Thank goodness rationale thought overrode emotion! As it turned out, we had Nathalie home, Matt and Ella, Brooke, Mike and their three kids, Cathy, mother of Brooke, Nathalie and Gabe, Gabe's girlfriend Maddie, and of course, our standard fixture, Hank from across the street! It adds up to nine adults and four kids. Had I been equipped with my former level of energy, the crowd would likely have been even greater. This goes back to a feeling I've had for many years, of wanting to gather people around at Thanksgiving, especially those without family or close friends to share a meal. Most of us attended mass on Saturday before dinner. During that time I reflected on the fact that if Mike and I hadn't connected, it might well have been 3-4 of us rather than an entire pew at the church. It left me with a deep sense of gratitude.
On Thursday of this week I attended morning mass which is a way I like to start my day.
That, in addition to practicing asking the Holy Spirit to direct my day, and even asking for surprises along the way. Let me share an example. The woman who usually sits in front of me, turned to me on returning to her seat from reviewing the reading said she had something to tell me. Since I am open and truly believe such things, I was all ears. Whatever the message, it was coming through this woman from on high. "You have no idea how many souls you are saving" she said, "I know you get discouraged sometimes, but you have no idea how many souls you are saving so be content with where you are." Imagine my sense of wonder at such a remark. More even than that, a wonderful sense of peace and calm came over me. It was like a gentle nudge, pushing aside my recent feelings of not being able to do much of late while watching the likes of someone like Gord Downie making every single moment count in helping and reaching out to raise awareness of the plight of our indigenous people. It's crazy, this notion of feeling like we have to do something great to be counted in the grand scheme of things, when life is really about the every day, mundane things. It's about doing our best in whatever circumstance we find ourselves. That message, too, has been surfacing a lot lately.
In closing, I'd like to share our experience this week of seeing Burton Cummings at a theatre downtown that doesn't have a bad seat in the house. It was just him and his piano, no backup band, and he set the stage for what turned out to be a most intimate and entertaining show. This iconic Canadian showman, oozing talent out of his fingers and voice, humble and grateful beyond measure, at 68 years old exceeded any and all expectations. On that note, I had commented after the show that I came with no expectations, didn't wonder if he would play/sing this song or that one, or even what song might be performed in the encore. No, in fact, it didn't matter - he did it all. I think what impressed me most was how he expressed his nervousness at the beginning of the event. The guy in front of us on stage was simply Burton Cummings, the man, alone with his piano, God given talent for writing music, lyrics and voice, combined with plenty of hard work and practice. He ended with sharing how he never, ever, takes anything for granted, thanking us all for supporting him through the years. I think those are sage comments that each of us can ponder for a while.
I'm tapping out this post as we enjoy the fall colours on our way to Pembroke to attend their hospital fundraising gala with Kirk and Lynda, members of our extended family you may have met along the way in our adventures in prayer and medicine.
Take care and thank you for your continued prayers and good wishes. I don't want to take any of that for granted. God Bless,
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".
p.s. Sorry for any typos or grammatical errors as this post is being tapped out on my IPad in the truck and editing seems to be technologically eluding me :-)
I've delighted in the progress my medical mind shift has been making. Needless to say it's very helpful to go for a follow up appointment to review my health status. The stiff and achey joints are an aftershock of chemo which hopefully will dwindle over time. Ok, check. Provided them a copy of bloodwork results from my family doc. Ok, no concerns, check. Increased fatigue is likely restorative as body has a chance now to start healing from five months of toxic assault. Ok, check. Vital signs all normal and no ongoing or severe pains. Ok, check. Conclusion being next follow up appointment in six months! I said pardon? Really? Yup, just listen to your body and react appropriately. Live every day in a healthy way until something happens. Wow, do I have lots to be thankful for. After all isn't living every day in a healthy way something we all try to do?
Back to Thanksgiving weekend for a moment considering it was Mike's second weekend of retirement. If you read my last post you know that we got to have three grandkids for four days. Since we were invited to Mike's brother's for Sunday, we decided to have a small family dinner on Saturday. While I contemplated cooking a turkey, the hose to the kitchen faucet burst at the beginning of the week. Not to be found locally, Mike called the company to have a replacement shipped with no guarantee it would arrive by the weekend. My rational self reviewed the situation deciding it may be unreasonable to try to put on a full turkey dinner with no water in the kitchen. Thank goodness rationale thought overrode emotion! As it turned out, we had Nathalie home, Matt and Ella, Brooke, Mike and their three kids, Cathy, mother of Brooke, Nathalie and Gabe, Gabe's girlfriend Maddie, and of course, our standard fixture, Hank from across the street! It adds up to nine adults and four kids. Had I been equipped with my former level of energy, the crowd would likely have been even greater. This goes back to a feeling I've had for many years, of wanting to gather people around at Thanksgiving, especially those without family or close friends to share a meal. Most of us attended mass on Saturday before dinner. During that time I reflected on the fact that if Mike and I hadn't connected, it might well have been 3-4 of us rather than an entire pew at the church. It left me with a deep sense of gratitude.
On Thursday of this week I attended morning mass which is a way I like to start my day.
That, in addition to practicing asking the Holy Spirit to direct my day, and even asking for surprises along the way. Let me share an example. The woman who usually sits in front of me, turned to me on returning to her seat from reviewing the reading said she had something to tell me. Since I am open and truly believe such things, I was all ears. Whatever the message, it was coming through this woman from on high. "You have no idea how many souls you are saving" she said, "I know you get discouraged sometimes, but you have no idea how many souls you are saving so be content with where you are." Imagine my sense of wonder at such a remark. More even than that, a wonderful sense of peace and calm came over me. It was like a gentle nudge, pushing aside my recent feelings of not being able to do much of late while watching the likes of someone like Gord Downie making every single moment count in helping and reaching out to raise awareness of the plight of our indigenous people. It's crazy, this notion of feeling like we have to do something great to be counted in the grand scheme of things, when life is really about the every day, mundane things. It's about doing our best in whatever circumstance we find ourselves. That message, too, has been surfacing a lot lately.
In closing, I'd like to share our experience this week of seeing Burton Cummings at a theatre downtown that doesn't have a bad seat in the house. It was just him and his piano, no backup band, and he set the stage for what turned out to be a most intimate and entertaining show. This iconic Canadian showman, oozing talent out of his fingers and voice, humble and grateful beyond measure, at 68 years old exceeded any and all expectations. On that note, I had commented after the show that I came with no expectations, didn't wonder if he would play/sing this song or that one, or even what song might be performed in the encore. No, in fact, it didn't matter - he did it all. I think what impressed me most was how he expressed his nervousness at the beginning of the event. The guy in front of us on stage was simply Burton Cummings, the man, alone with his piano, God given talent for writing music, lyrics and voice, combined with plenty of hard work and practice. He ended with sharing how he never, ever, takes anything for granted, thanking us all for supporting him through the years. I think those are sage comments that each of us can ponder for a while.
I'm tapping out this post as we enjoy the fall colours on our way to Pembroke to attend their hospital fundraising gala with Kirk and Lynda, members of our extended family you may have met along the way in our adventures in prayer and medicine.
Take care and thank you for your continued prayers and good wishes. I don't want to take any of that for granted. God Bless,
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".
p.s. Sorry for any typos or grammatical errors as this post is being tapped out on my IPad in the truck and editing seems to be technologically eluding me :-)
Saturday, 1 October 2016
The Spirit of Retirement
The momentous day has arrived! Yes, today, September 30, 2016 is Mike's last day working at Bell Canada, affectionately known to many as Ma Bell. With over 38 years continuous service, he has certainly earned his upcoming time of freedom. I deliberately didn't say leisure, at least not yet. We might better leverage the transition time while he's still geared up to work everyday, only now he can do it around the house, catching up on all those things that have been left 'until he has time'. Even today he rode his bicycle to work like every other day. Keep in mind though, since returning to work on the 19th he has been assigned very little real tasks, other than checking in with the crews of colleagues he's spent time with for so many years. Of course cleaning out his truck was of importance since it's being reassigned to another crew member, many of whom can only wish for a bucket truck. In every workplace there seems to be echelons or hierarchies of one kind or another. In this case, with every technician, their reliance on a vehicle is a top priority and these 'Cadillacs of the Cables' are hard sought after. For Mike though, it's time to turn in the truck, hang up the spurs (yes he still climbed poles when needed using metal spurs) and put the work phone on call forward to 'out of office' permanently. Congratulations Mike, a genuinely hard working individual who always represented his company as the 'face of Bell' with kindness and courtesy.
Mike's retirement is starting off on a high note. Between Nathalie and the two of us, we are caring for 3 grandchildren for the weekend and then some; like until after school dinner time on Monday. Arrival should be in time for dinner, hence my attempt to have the fingers fly at warp speed to write as much of this post as possible, followed by activities that all 8, 6 and 2 year olds get involved with. While some may wonder why and how we would do such a thing, think of it in a sort of inside out way. Everyone wishes they could spend more time with family and friends. By Mike retiring, we are able to do that by helping our kids by looking after their kids. In other words, we GET TO spend time the way that many others just wish for, and somehow may not be able to. At this point it's Saturday morning and I'm making the effort to connect with you before the day runs away on us.
As far as medical progress, or update, I had only one appointment again which was with my family doctor to do bloodwork and review the 'normal' things of life. We reviewed the results with the conclusion that in all ways but one, I'm a very healthy individual. The 'cancer thing' is tucked away in a box for now in order to get an otherwise balanced look at my overall health. Other than being anemic, everything else is in order with no issues around sugar, cholesterol, or any other potential concerns. I take nothing for any typical age related problems like diabetes, heart or blood pressure. This all contributes to boosting my medical mind shift in considering myself healthy until symptoms develop that indicate otherwise.
Next appointment with oncologist is Tuesday, the 4th simply for follow up and the likelihood that we agree to carry on living every day of our lives to the best of our ability, accepting limitations as they occur. The aches continue in all my joints and my empathy for people with bad joints, especially knees, has sky rocketed. No wonder people hobble around with pain wracking their faces with every step they take. Maybe that's why we go through such trials, just to get a sample of what others deal with every day. Given that I had 55 years of excellent health, I guess it's my turn to sample the 'other side'. The saving grace of course is being able to spend time in the pool, free of all side effects, just bobbing about and walking with no limitations. I also intentionally drive the little extra distance to go to the central Y rather than the west end as it provides opportunities for interaction with a wide variety of individuals.
You may wonder why meeting different people is of interest when the purpose of the visits is for exercise. What I find is a chance to talk with people with disabilities, from different cultures, the elderly along with many others. In order to protect privacy I won't disclose any one individual but suffice it to say that the experience is heartwarming and touching. It provides a chance to be friendly to those we may not encounter in our regular daily lives. A natural congregating of people whom you may otherwise have to seek out to meet and learn about. For me, I've also wondered for a long time why my volunteer work has always leaned toward the leadership, board level rather than the hands on, one on one roles. It reminds me of my days as a candy striper at the local hospital, donning the prettiest pink striped frock to provide meals and help many patients unable to feed themselves. It was such a positive experience that, sadly, was not repeated too many more times.
in life it seems we isolate ourselves from those less fortunate, even to the point of having charitable organizations pick up items at our door rather than delivering them in person.
These sorts of things leave me pondering what is the best use of my time in this new stage of life. Clearly God has allowed drastic changes to occur, even to the point of changing my physical appearance to the point of not being recognized by those I've known for 30 years or more. I mentioned in my last post that the reason to get up every day is to love and serve God. You may think I'm sounding like some bible thumping radical but I'm not. Not at all. Lately I find the more I stay open, the more providential things happen every day. Like what? Well, I met one friend four days in a row in a variety of circumstances. To my surprise on day four, he actually told a third person that he wanted to discuss something with me. Imagine the further jolt when he disclosed a very sensitive and uncomfortable situation that he'd experienced at a function we'd both attended. We had a fruitful conversation about different ways of looking at the interaction and how he might move forward with it. I can only say it was the help of the Holy Spirit that was present during that discussion.
We attended a charity fundraising dinner at the end of August, another event that opened our eyes to how life is for those in less than ideal, Leave it to Beaver, lifestyles. It was a fundraiser to support the families of those who are incarcerated. Given the high ratio of prisons in this area, most of us have come in contact with such families likely without having any knowledge of their circumstances. One of the most powerful impressions left with us was the individual behind the effort. It was a young man, never expected to be able to function normally due to cerebral palsy, speaking with eloquence and passion. He has become a prison chaplain with a masters degree education, interviewed enough individuals to write a book and has now established an endowment fund to support them. He and his wife, very strong Christians, see this as their 'child' having none of their own. It was extremely well organized and well worth the price of admission. The comment that has left an impact on me from his wife, after the event, was that God was looking after their personal affairs while they were out doing His work. Certainly something that makes you go "Hmmmmm".
This tied in very well with our recent topic at what I've come to call Church School on Tuesday nights. The subject matter is centred on the Holy Spirit with this week's session being 'Fruits of the Holy Spirit'. The film was moving to the point I made notes to share a few with you. It talked of one of the sure signs being that of a feeling of Joy. We all laughed when the host described Catholics as people walking around like they were baptized in lemon juice!! It seems that a Herculean effort is being made to remake the face of our church with permission to enjoy the fruit that is available to us. We don't need to walk around trying to evangelize others by finding the right words. I know that would be very difficult for me to do despite all the classes and seminars I've been to over the past few years. What I can do though is to share what lights up my own life. Success can be measured simply by displaying something others find 'different', like joy, like peace, like a calm demeanour, like patience and generosity. A tiny example from going to the Service Ontario office yesterday. An elderly couple were outside as the lineup was to the door and the man's walker would have been difficult to navigate inside with the number of people. I heard them say they might better come back another day to which I suggested they wait a little while as I would hold their place in line. A couple of young men ahead of me offered to let them go ahead of them. Simply by letting them know of their 'progress in line', they visibly became more calm and relaxed. In almost no time, we were able to invite them in as they were at the front of the line. Simple? Yes. Easy? Yes. Helpful? Yes Big Deal? Not to us, but maybe to them for who knows how much effort it is for them to get out and about. Joy? Absolutely, that such a small act could be so helpful. These days, I start with asking to be surprised at what I may encounter remaining much more open to such simple invitations.
I'd like to end today's post on a positive note - imagine that! A friend shared with me the following saying: "If you are the salt of the earth (and don't we all hope we are), you make others thirsty for God". Well, I'm off to get my Sifto Salt raincoat on and face the surprises of the rest of the day.
Take care, enjoy the beautiful fall days ahead of us and Happy Thanksgiving.
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers, wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".
Mike's retirement is starting off on a high note. Between Nathalie and the two of us, we are caring for 3 grandchildren for the weekend and then some; like until after school dinner time on Monday. Arrival should be in time for dinner, hence my attempt to have the fingers fly at warp speed to write as much of this post as possible, followed by activities that all 8, 6 and 2 year olds get involved with. While some may wonder why and how we would do such a thing, think of it in a sort of inside out way. Everyone wishes they could spend more time with family and friends. By Mike retiring, we are able to do that by helping our kids by looking after their kids. In other words, we GET TO spend time the way that many others just wish for, and somehow may not be able to. At this point it's Saturday morning and I'm making the effort to connect with you before the day runs away on us.
As far as medical progress, or update, I had only one appointment again which was with my family doctor to do bloodwork and review the 'normal' things of life. We reviewed the results with the conclusion that in all ways but one, I'm a very healthy individual. The 'cancer thing' is tucked away in a box for now in order to get an otherwise balanced look at my overall health. Other than being anemic, everything else is in order with no issues around sugar, cholesterol, or any other potential concerns. I take nothing for any typical age related problems like diabetes, heart or blood pressure. This all contributes to boosting my medical mind shift in considering myself healthy until symptoms develop that indicate otherwise.
Next appointment with oncologist is Tuesday, the 4th simply for follow up and the likelihood that we agree to carry on living every day of our lives to the best of our ability, accepting limitations as they occur. The aches continue in all my joints and my empathy for people with bad joints, especially knees, has sky rocketed. No wonder people hobble around with pain wracking their faces with every step they take. Maybe that's why we go through such trials, just to get a sample of what others deal with every day. Given that I had 55 years of excellent health, I guess it's my turn to sample the 'other side'. The saving grace of course is being able to spend time in the pool, free of all side effects, just bobbing about and walking with no limitations. I also intentionally drive the little extra distance to go to the central Y rather than the west end as it provides opportunities for interaction with a wide variety of individuals.
You may wonder why meeting different people is of interest when the purpose of the visits is for exercise. What I find is a chance to talk with people with disabilities, from different cultures, the elderly along with many others. In order to protect privacy I won't disclose any one individual but suffice it to say that the experience is heartwarming and touching. It provides a chance to be friendly to those we may not encounter in our regular daily lives. A natural congregating of people whom you may otherwise have to seek out to meet and learn about. For me, I've also wondered for a long time why my volunteer work has always leaned toward the leadership, board level rather than the hands on, one on one roles. It reminds me of my days as a candy striper at the local hospital, donning the prettiest pink striped frock to provide meals and help many patients unable to feed themselves. It was such a positive experience that, sadly, was not repeated too many more times.
in life it seems we isolate ourselves from those less fortunate, even to the point of having charitable organizations pick up items at our door rather than delivering them in person.
These sorts of things leave me pondering what is the best use of my time in this new stage of life. Clearly God has allowed drastic changes to occur, even to the point of changing my physical appearance to the point of not being recognized by those I've known for 30 years or more. I mentioned in my last post that the reason to get up every day is to love and serve God. You may think I'm sounding like some bible thumping radical but I'm not. Not at all. Lately I find the more I stay open, the more providential things happen every day. Like what? Well, I met one friend four days in a row in a variety of circumstances. To my surprise on day four, he actually told a third person that he wanted to discuss something with me. Imagine the further jolt when he disclosed a very sensitive and uncomfortable situation that he'd experienced at a function we'd both attended. We had a fruitful conversation about different ways of looking at the interaction and how he might move forward with it. I can only say it was the help of the Holy Spirit that was present during that discussion.
We attended a charity fundraising dinner at the end of August, another event that opened our eyes to how life is for those in less than ideal, Leave it to Beaver, lifestyles. It was a fundraiser to support the families of those who are incarcerated. Given the high ratio of prisons in this area, most of us have come in contact with such families likely without having any knowledge of their circumstances. One of the most powerful impressions left with us was the individual behind the effort. It was a young man, never expected to be able to function normally due to cerebral palsy, speaking with eloquence and passion. He has become a prison chaplain with a masters degree education, interviewed enough individuals to write a book and has now established an endowment fund to support them. He and his wife, very strong Christians, see this as their 'child' having none of their own. It was extremely well organized and well worth the price of admission. The comment that has left an impact on me from his wife, after the event, was that God was looking after their personal affairs while they were out doing His work. Certainly something that makes you go "Hmmmmm".
This tied in very well with our recent topic at what I've come to call Church School on Tuesday nights. The subject matter is centred on the Holy Spirit with this week's session being 'Fruits of the Holy Spirit'. The film was moving to the point I made notes to share a few with you. It talked of one of the sure signs being that of a feeling of Joy. We all laughed when the host described Catholics as people walking around like they were baptized in lemon juice!! It seems that a Herculean effort is being made to remake the face of our church with permission to enjoy the fruit that is available to us. We don't need to walk around trying to evangelize others by finding the right words. I know that would be very difficult for me to do despite all the classes and seminars I've been to over the past few years. What I can do though is to share what lights up my own life. Success can be measured simply by displaying something others find 'different', like joy, like peace, like a calm demeanour, like patience and generosity. A tiny example from going to the Service Ontario office yesterday. An elderly couple were outside as the lineup was to the door and the man's walker would have been difficult to navigate inside with the number of people. I heard them say they might better come back another day to which I suggested they wait a little while as I would hold their place in line. A couple of young men ahead of me offered to let them go ahead of them. Simply by letting them know of their 'progress in line', they visibly became more calm and relaxed. In almost no time, we were able to invite them in as they were at the front of the line. Simple? Yes. Easy? Yes. Helpful? Yes Big Deal? Not to us, but maybe to them for who knows how much effort it is for them to get out and about. Joy? Absolutely, that such a small act could be so helpful. These days, I start with asking to be surprised at what I may encounter remaining much more open to such simple invitations.
I'd like to end today's post on a positive note - imagine that! A friend shared with me the following saying: "If you are the salt of the earth (and don't we all hope we are), you make others thirsty for God". Well, I'm off to get my Sifto Salt raincoat on and face the surprises of the rest of the day.
Take care, enjoy the beautiful fall days ahead of us and Happy Thanksgiving.
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers, wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".
Friday, 16 September 2016
Medical Mind Shifting
Can it be that I've only had one medical appointment since my last post? I have a much greater appreciation now for the people I contacted while working, many elderly, who said they were having a very busy time and unable to meet with me for 'a while'. It's likely their calendars were booked with appointments for medical reasons of all types! Imagine those poor souls who have multiple conditions and attend a number of specialists who deal with specific illnesses. The mental gymnastics of keeping up with it all causes me fatigue simply writing about it. No wonder there are mixups with times, dates and even, God forbid, medications. But I digress.
About 2-3 weeks after completing treatment I started getting achey and sore in all my major joints. Starting at the ankles and then without any real pattern, simply moving into knees, elbows, shoulders and anywhere in between that could possibly become stiff. I joked with Mike that I was turning into the Tin Man and required some much needed oil! It turns out that my intuition was not far off the mark given that joint pain is a side effect of the type of drugs used in my case. Why now and not before you might ask? During the 5 months of chemo treatment, one of three pre-drugs, to offset side effects was a steroid used to prevent joint pain. Now that I'm through with chemo, no more steroids to make me not feel the pain, nor to wind me up like the energizer bunny. Hence the residual pain. The question I failed to ask was how long I can expect this achey pain to continue. These last few weeks are an example that I would use to describe actual side effects affecting my daily activities. I say it rather lightly given the fun we've had in the meantime. Remember, life is what happens 'in the meantime'.
What now? What's next? When do they do more tests or scans? Though inconclusive, pretty easy to answer. Nothing right now given that I don't have any symptoms to investigate. Next appointment with oncologists is early October for follow up and review of condition. Tests or scans to be done as symptoms arise, or, if I determine I can't live without them. It's the last line which planted a seed in my brain, and fortunately for me, grew like a weed. Had I insisted on tests and scans, what would be done with the results? If you had a chance to read my last post about the proposed bone scan, the answer is simple - nothing. Until such time as I start to experience consistent, ongoing symptoms, there really is no reason to consider treatment. After all, we are at the real place of having deemed me medically incurable, meaning interim intervention may not improve much, and, in fact, decrease my quality of life. In case I'm not clear in my explanation, consider this; I have a sudden heart attack, everything is done to save my life and I recover. The medical prognosis is that while I was saved this time, nothing can be done to prevent another attack. During and after recovery, I can resume my normal lifestyle knowing full well, another whack to the ticker could be the end of me. What do I do? Do I spend every day fretting and dithering about what could happen? Or do I draw a line in the sand and decide, this is it, it's how it's going to be, and I'm going to live my life to the fullest within my limitations? This is the medical mind shift I've made in my own case. It's really quite amazing how much of a weight has lifted from my shoulders. Thank goodness given I have enough aches without the added 'what if', burden!
As I allow the flow of words to continue, while gazing out the large window, I see many blue jays flitting here and there, always in pairs, ready for another day of life. Seeing these squawky feathered friends is a gentle reminder of my Dad who left us 12 years ago in October. Of course, I don't believe he is a blue jay, although the thought is sort of funny. I do believe it may be his way of letting me know he is around and providing comfort and reassurance in a tangible way. It does.
Something else that has contributed to the medical mind shift is having watched a move recently on Netflix called '90 Minutes in Heaven'. Based on a true story and book written by Don Piper, about his experience of being killed in a car wreck, being revived and resuscitated, knowing he'd been to heaven and back. I've read several books with a similar theme which in some way have offered encouragement and hope but why does it feel like this story has had more impact? Like so many things, it seems to run like a thread through life that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Perhaps it's caused me to reflect in a deeper way about what I may be afraid of in the experience of dying. One consistent message in all such stories is how the matters of earthly life are almost instantly discarded with no fear and no concern for those left behind. As I peel away the layers of my own fear, much of it is grounded in how I may miss those I leave behind. Hopefully my time now is being invested wisely by helping to be open and transparent about the reality of my situation, allowing those around me to adjust and accept what is likely to happen. That likelihood is my ticket for the adventure into the great beyond may well come up much earlier than theirs. The combination of these recent events and observations has provided a new level of calm and peacefulness into daily life.
One of my learnings through all of these adventures has been to practice simply remaining open to what is coming my way. To practice allowing the plan to unfold, instead of constantly running ahead of life in an effort to have things happen the way I think they should (notice I didn't say want). Many of us have a natural tendency to think and feel we are responsible for everything that happens around us. Any deviation become a major calamity and reflection of our inability to affect the outcomes. Doesn't it wear you out just reading about this senseless effort? If I had only had this revelation about 30 years ago instead of living life feeling like Nik Wallenda, one of the Flying Wallendas, balancing on a high wire above Niagara Falls. Although he did it with the utmost calm and relentless trust in God that all would be well. Aha, another idea to make me go 'Hmmmm'. Where do people get such ideas with the ability to carry them out with such sense of purpose?
I noticed in conversations, especially about retirement, how we all need a reason to get up every day. All that given Mike will be going back to work for 2 weeks on Monday then retiring at the end of September. Needless to say I went immediately into analysis mode to reflect on what my purpose is as I get up each day. In a matter of minutes, maybe seconds, the answer came and absorbed my entire being. Very simply, it was to love and serve God! Oh ya, for all the reading I've been doing, hasn't that been the consistent message to me over these past 4 years? In those moments when I'm not sure what to do next, all I have to do, is to be. Spend a little time reflecting on the beauty of nature, stopping and smelling the roses - yes, another cliche, known to be true - or simply being thankful for all that we are blessed with during our time on earth. Now I know many people have their own beliefs and God may not be among them, so to those folks, you likely have another similar intention to follow. I'm learning we just don't need to over complicate every single thing coming our way. The change can be a little uncomfortable and even unnerving but the practice time is well worth it. One great example was having time recently to spend time gathering tiny apples from the trees behind our house and having the grandkids delightfully throw them into the creek. What better way to spend time without any niggling thoughts about what else we may feel obligated to do. an example of heaven on earth to be sure.
Today is shaping up to be another busy day which is totally acceptable as I balance rest with activity. In fact, my newest response to the kind people who ask how I'm doing is to say "Stiff and sore, but praying and playing every day!"
And on that note I best sign off and get ready for the fun. Hope you're well and wishing you health and peace.
Until next time,
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
About 2-3 weeks after completing treatment I started getting achey and sore in all my major joints. Starting at the ankles and then without any real pattern, simply moving into knees, elbows, shoulders and anywhere in between that could possibly become stiff. I joked with Mike that I was turning into the Tin Man and required some much needed oil! It turns out that my intuition was not far off the mark given that joint pain is a side effect of the type of drugs used in my case. Why now and not before you might ask? During the 5 months of chemo treatment, one of three pre-drugs, to offset side effects was a steroid used to prevent joint pain. Now that I'm through with chemo, no more steroids to make me not feel the pain, nor to wind me up like the energizer bunny. Hence the residual pain. The question I failed to ask was how long I can expect this achey pain to continue. These last few weeks are an example that I would use to describe actual side effects affecting my daily activities. I say it rather lightly given the fun we've had in the meantime. Remember, life is what happens 'in the meantime'.
What now? What's next? When do they do more tests or scans? Though inconclusive, pretty easy to answer. Nothing right now given that I don't have any symptoms to investigate. Next appointment with oncologists is early October for follow up and review of condition. Tests or scans to be done as symptoms arise, or, if I determine I can't live without them. It's the last line which planted a seed in my brain, and fortunately for me, grew like a weed. Had I insisted on tests and scans, what would be done with the results? If you had a chance to read my last post about the proposed bone scan, the answer is simple - nothing. Until such time as I start to experience consistent, ongoing symptoms, there really is no reason to consider treatment. After all, we are at the real place of having deemed me medically incurable, meaning interim intervention may not improve much, and, in fact, decrease my quality of life. In case I'm not clear in my explanation, consider this; I have a sudden heart attack, everything is done to save my life and I recover. The medical prognosis is that while I was saved this time, nothing can be done to prevent another attack. During and after recovery, I can resume my normal lifestyle knowing full well, another whack to the ticker could be the end of me. What do I do? Do I spend every day fretting and dithering about what could happen? Or do I draw a line in the sand and decide, this is it, it's how it's going to be, and I'm going to live my life to the fullest within my limitations? This is the medical mind shift I've made in my own case. It's really quite amazing how much of a weight has lifted from my shoulders. Thank goodness given I have enough aches without the added 'what if', burden!
As I allow the flow of words to continue, while gazing out the large window, I see many blue jays flitting here and there, always in pairs, ready for another day of life. Seeing these squawky feathered friends is a gentle reminder of my Dad who left us 12 years ago in October. Of course, I don't believe he is a blue jay, although the thought is sort of funny. I do believe it may be his way of letting me know he is around and providing comfort and reassurance in a tangible way. It does.
Something else that has contributed to the medical mind shift is having watched a move recently on Netflix called '90 Minutes in Heaven'. Based on a true story and book written by Don Piper, about his experience of being killed in a car wreck, being revived and resuscitated, knowing he'd been to heaven and back. I've read several books with a similar theme which in some way have offered encouragement and hope but why does it feel like this story has had more impact? Like so many things, it seems to run like a thread through life that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Perhaps it's caused me to reflect in a deeper way about what I may be afraid of in the experience of dying. One consistent message in all such stories is how the matters of earthly life are almost instantly discarded with no fear and no concern for those left behind. As I peel away the layers of my own fear, much of it is grounded in how I may miss those I leave behind. Hopefully my time now is being invested wisely by helping to be open and transparent about the reality of my situation, allowing those around me to adjust and accept what is likely to happen. That likelihood is my ticket for the adventure into the great beyond may well come up much earlier than theirs. The combination of these recent events and observations has provided a new level of calm and peacefulness into daily life.
One of my learnings through all of these adventures has been to practice simply remaining open to what is coming my way. To practice allowing the plan to unfold, instead of constantly running ahead of life in an effort to have things happen the way I think they should (notice I didn't say want). Many of us have a natural tendency to think and feel we are responsible for everything that happens around us. Any deviation become a major calamity and reflection of our inability to affect the outcomes. Doesn't it wear you out just reading about this senseless effort? If I had only had this revelation about 30 years ago instead of living life feeling like Nik Wallenda, one of the Flying Wallendas, balancing on a high wire above Niagara Falls. Although he did it with the utmost calm and relentless trust in God that all would be well. Aha, another idea to make me go 'Hmmmm'. Where do people get such ideas with the ability to carry them out with such sense of purpose?
I noticed in conversations, especially about retirement, how we all need a reason to get up every day. All that given Mike will be going back to work for 2 weeks on Monday then retiring at the end of September. Needless to say I went immediately into analysis mode to reflect on what my purpose is as I get up each day. In a matter of minutes, maybe seconds, the answer came and absorbed my entire being. Very simply, it was to love and serve God! Oh ya, for all the reading I've been doing, hasn't that been the consistent message to me over these past 4 years? In those moments when I'm not sure what to do next, all I have to do, is to be. Spend a little time reflecting on the beauty of nature, stopping and smelling the roses - yes, another cliche, known to be true - or simply being thankful for all that we are blessed with during our time on earth. Now I know many people have their own beliefs and God may not be among them, so to those folks, you likely have another similar intention to follow. I'm learning we just don't need to over complicate every single thing coming our way. The change can be a little uncomfortable and even unnerving but the practice time is well worth it. One great example was having time recently to spend time gathering tiny apples from the trees behind our house and having the grandkids delightfully throw them into the creek. What better way to spend time without any niggling thoughts about what else we may feel obligated to do. an example of heaven on earth to be sure.
Today is shaping up to be another busy day which is totally acceptable as I balance rest with activity. In fact, my newest response to the kind people who ask how I'm doing is to say "Stiff and sore, but praying and playing every day!"
And on that note I best sign off and get ready for the fun. Hope you're well and wishing you health and peace.
Until next time,
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
Wednesday, 31 August 2016
Are You Kidding Me?
What a pleasant surprise, second post for the month and here it is raining again. If there is potential for a trend, perhaps I could stay up until midnight every day and write one line or paragraph in the hopes of overnight rain which is much needed while keeping the days hot and sunny! The other day a woman said how much she wished for fall to which I pursed my lips and said 'Sshhh, it's coming'.
It's been an interesting couple of weeks to say the least. Or, as many people say these days "Are your kidding me?" What I didn't tell you last time was that I had a regularly scheduled mammogram on Thursday, August 4th, the day after my final chemo. I got the good news about the colon screening the day before so I was positive and poised to receive another 'all clear'. On the Tuesday following, I received a call from Hotel Dieu that 'something' showed up on the mammogram and they wanted me back for a second one, along with an ultrasound. With my imagination in rapid overdrive, I was mentally turning the light at the end of the tunnel into a high speed freight train aiming straight in my direction. This morning we saw my family doctor who was able to give a more accurate picture. The freight train was actually a flashlight poking along to see if there might be something ahead and the mammogram simply reflected a cyst that was 'probably benign' and they would simply follow it with a mammogram in six months. And the cyst is 19mm!! Imagine that after dealing with a mass in my liver that was 20cm by about 15 cm.
Between the followup mammogram, the suggested bone scan, and other physical adjustments it's little wonder I'm so much more stiff and sore in my joints. I've been doing mental and emotional gymnastics that would surely garner a gold medal had there been such an Olympic sport. Not that 17 chemo treatments in 5 months would leave any residual and cumulative physical side effects! Not that there would be any physical release after months of having my body gearing up for a toxic assault on a weekly basis. Not that my body might need extra sleep to physically heal from the poison that is no longer a regular invader. After all, as per usual, I've been blessed to have skipped through each cycle without the typical dragged out, can't lift the head off the pillow feeling that many people suffer through.
You might be thinking 'well what's next'? That was the same question my family physician asked this morning. We reviewed what we know. There are follow up appointments tentatively scheduled for September - one with the symptom management team, one with my family doc which will include some routine blood results that have not been done for quite some time i.e. blood sugar, cholesterol etc., and one with the oncology team toward the end of September. A follow up mammogram in six months initiated by family doc's office. Other than that, we go on living every day just like everyone else. It's starting to hit home, how, we really need to live as though each day is our last. Sure, I have a more likely chance of heading off to meet my Maker sooner than others but I've already outlived several people who had no idea they'd be off to that all important meeting before me.
In a previous post I shared part of a story from a blog follower and email friend. In response to my last message I received feedback that, as usual, I found thought provoking, tagged with a dry sense of humour and wit. I hope you enjoy as much as I did:
"Not to be maudlin or anything but your comments regarding passing on to the other side caught my attention as I have also tried to put my life in perspective, and in order, in anticipation of the big moment. Considering that my wife, parents, siblings, best friends and family pets have all passed on (all wonderful souls) my faith allows me to not fear the best before date, but in fact believe that it will be a glorious event (notwithstanding some penalty box time, hopefully short, that I have no doubt accrued) "
It's been an interesting couple of weeks to say the least. Or, as many people say these days "Are your kidding me?" What I didn't tell you last time was that I had a regularly scheduled mammogram on Thursday, August 4th, the day after my final chemo. I got the good news about the colon screening the day before so I was positive and poised to receive another 'all clear'. On the Tuesday following, I received a call from Hotel Dieu that 'something' showed up on the mammogram and they wanted me back for a second one, along with an ultrasound. With my imagination in rapid overdrive, I was mentally turning the light at the end of the tunnel into a high speed freight train aiming straight in my direction. This morning we saw my family doctor who was able to give a more accurate picture. The freight train was actually a flashlight poking along to see if there might be something ahead and the mammogram simply reflected a cyst that was 'probably benign' and they would simply follow it with a mammogram in six months. And the cyst is 19mm!! Imagine that after dealing with a mass in my liver that was 20cm by about 15 cm.
Between the followup mammogram, the suggested bone scan, and other physical adjustments it's little wonder I'm so much more stiff and sore in my joints. I've been doing mental and emotional gymnastics that would surely garner a gold medal had there been such an Olympic sport. Not that 17 chemo treatments in 5 months would leave any residual and cumulative physical side effects! Not that there would be any physical release after months of having my body gearing up for a toxic assault on a weekly basis. Not that my body might need extra sleep to physically heal from the poison that is no longer a regular invader. After all, as per usual, I've been blessed to have skipped through each cycle without the typical dragged out, can't lift the head off the pillow feeling that many people suffer through.
You might be thinking 'well what's next'? That was the same question my family physician asked this morning. We reviewed what we know. There are follow up appointments tentatively scheduled for September - one with the symptom management team, one with my family doc which will include some routine blood results that have not been done for quite some time i.e. blood sugar, cholesterol etc., and one with the oncology team toward the end of September. A follow up mammogram in six months initiated by family doc's office. Other than that, we go on living every day just like everyone else. It's starting to hit home, how, we really need to live as though each day is our last. Sure, I have a more likely chance of heading off to meet my Maker sooner than others but I've already outlived several people who had no idea they'd be off to that all important meeting before me.
In a previous post I shared part of a story from a blog follower and email friend. In response to my last message I received feedback that, as usual, I found thought provoking, tagged with a dry sense of humour and wit. I hope you enjoy as much as I did:
"Not to be maudlin or anything but your comments regarding passing on to the other side caught my attention as I have also tried to put my life in perspective, and in order, in anticipation of the big moment. Considering that my wife, parents, siblings, best friends and family pets have all passed on (all wonderful souls) my faith allows me to not fear the best before date, but in fact believe that it will be a glorious event (notwithstanding some penalty box time, hopefully short, that I have no doubt accrued) "
The last couple of weeks have allowed me to get used to the reality that one day there won't be any more that can be done. Accepting this reality is helping me make some small progress in accepting God’s will for my life while remaining hopeful for whatever relief and respite He may be prepared to offer. After all, if I had the choice, would I want to know all of what's ahead in my life? No, I prefer not to worry about what’s around the next bend, and feel it's better that we don’t know. I'm fairly convinced we couldn't handle knowing and would be totally overwhelmed. Maybe that's why life is broken up into 24 hour periods. Sort of what the Bible says about not worrying. Focus on today as tomorrow has enough trouble of its own.
It's during these times of testing that we have to take a good hard look at what support systems we have, remind ourselves of the many people who may have reached out to us and offered assistance and the anchors in our lives that keep us from being tossed aimlessly out to sea during the storms of life. Needless to say, I believe my faith is the best anchor I could ask for and often wonder how others cope. I talk about my faith from my own perspective and respect others may have their own faith based on a different higher power. Whatever works for the individual is what's important.
Recently a friend reminded me of the saying ‘Let Go and Let God’ which of course we’ve all heard numerous times before. A mental image came to mind this last time though, of a white flag. What a great way to 'surrender' our lives to God and allow His plan to unfold as it will. Just wave the white flag.
As I close this message, I'd like to share my newest response to people asking how I am, which is “Praying and Playing Every Day”. After all, if we were to moan and groan every day that one day we're going to die, what kind of life would we have? On that note, let each of us take the days ahead as the best days of our lives. Let us stay open to what we're being called to do, no matter how small, we might be surprised at the ripple effect these actions can have.
Take care and God Bless,
Hugs
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
'Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive'.
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