'Fitting' Coincidences of Life

Oh how the world changes around us in what seems like a heartbeat.  Here I am sitting at my MacBook computer with my almost 4 year old granddaughter next to me sitting at my IPad munching popcorn as she watches various YouTube videos with great intensity.

Just like we were limited in our TV watching, so too are children today being limited in their use of technology.

On Ella's arrival in Kingston this afternoon I was treading water in my friend Carol Ann's heated pool.  Over the past couple of weeks, my hour and a half at the Y has turned into much longer sessions in the backyard pool of another little piece of heaven, like 2 or 3 hours!  Last November when I started the pool routine, I'm not sure I could tread water for 10 minutes.  After all I had never taken swimming lessons nor ever really learned to swim with any decorum or grace.

My comment has always been "I couldn't swim to save my life" as panic would set in quickly and I'm sure I'd be gone.  Yet it reminds me of being on a catamaran years ago in Hawaii, virtually in the middle of the ocean with greater courage than caution and leaping off the deck without even a life jacket on so as not to miss out on the fun that everyone else was having. Never mind the ocean current or my lack of ability to necessarily be able to swim back to the boat but somehow I made it.  I grew up on Lake Erie where a sand beach could be accessed within 10 minutes in just about any direction.  With the gentle sloping of the beach far into the water, you never had to be concerned with going in over your head so who needed to swim?  Jumping, splashing around, hand stands and somersaults were sufficient entertainment.  

With my third priority being taking as good care of myself physically as I can, water therapy has become my primary focus.  The physical limitations that challenge me on a daily basis need a disciplined and determined mind set to keep in check.  Had I retained my excellent health that I enjoyed before these adventures, on retirement I know that keeping physically fit and active would be a priority and built into my daily routine.  I'm just getting a chance to develop that routine a couple years earlier than planned.

The regular long distance walking I used to do, easily an hour and a half at a time, my seemingly boundless energy and overall health has allowed me to slide down these rabbit holes and climb back out without a lot of signs of obvious 'illness'.  Now what I do, in part, is play head games with myself to trick my brain into thinking it's got to provide lots of positive endorphins in response to my daily exercise routine.  I think it's working although typically resultant weight loss doesn't seem to be on the horizon.

Not identifying with my illness also helps as I look out the window of life and see more than a dark cloud of impending doom as a result of a cancer diagnosis.  It's under control, the meds appear to be working, the side effects are not devastating, all of these things allowing lots of sun to shine through that window.

It's a whole different way of living, which if one can accept it,  many days can be much easier than what was, with every day being a marathon of sorts in an effort to achieve goals, deadlines and other worldly expectations.

This new life allows for lots of quiet and what I believe as the Voice of God to come through and help guide my path.  An invitation to lead my days results in very interesting so called coincidences that may not otherwise happen, or perhaps I simply wouldn't notice.  If you're open to what might be possible and believe that each day works out exactly as it's supposed to, I think you'd be surprised at the outcome.  What I'm finding is that the smallest of incidences can take on the greatest importance.  An example:  last week on our way back from Ottawa on the bike we agreed to meet for dinner at Rose & Crown.  As we sat down, I noticed two ladies from our church at the booth across from us.  One gestured me over to say "we've been out today and talked about how I wanted to get in contact with you (you being me) to ask some questions about your health".

It's as though the pieces of the day were put together like a cosmic jigsaw puzzle allowing us to connect for her benefit. I no longer dismiss such events as minor daily happenings but rather express gratitude for being able to see how such a small thing can positively impact someone else's life.

Another example: on my way to the pool I stopped to mail some cards dropping them in an outdoor mailbox.  On returning to my car I met a friend whose husband passed away quite suddenly in the last couple of weeks.  I've been meaning to contact her - like we all do in such cases - and while I had gone to the funeral, wanted to connect more personally.  We had a brief but meaningful chat and she surprised me with what I consider to be an absolutely inspirational healing tool.  Almost immediately after her husband's death, she decided to attend the Sacrament of Reconciliation (confession) and went to a priest she doesn't regularly see.  Her description of how he walked her through the natural, unwarranted feelings of guilt by gently asking questions, allowed her to release an enormous amount of grief rather than churning the irrational responses and creating a reality of self doubt that was unwarranted and undeserved.

These little chance meetings and conversations can actually turn out to be the most important ones of our day.  I'm curious about how, when we look back on our lives once we reach the other side, we will be surprised by what made up the true essence of our lives and what parts were just chaff soon to be blown away by a gentle breeze.  If you have an interest in such ponderings, there is a fabulous little book called 'When God Winks' written by SQuire Rushnell (yes it's a capital Q as well), who was once the head of ABC Broadcasting.

 His position is that there are no coincidences in life, only signposts put out by God to guide us along our journey.  It's a truly heartwarming book that I find makes our search for the meaningful in life much easier.  We are not all meant to become rich or famous or even make a profound impact on the world around us.  Rather, the magic of life happens in the ordinariness of daily routines.

A good way to illustrate these concepts is to share with you a response I received to an earlier post.  I think I've received permission to share although there are no names so privacy remains protected. The main reason that I would like to share is how touched I felt by reading part of someone else's story and the powerful impact it's had on the author as a result of taking time to reflect on their own life.

"I had a lot of lying around time to fill in, which got the brain twerking, and I started to think about your thoughts on “Richness in Scarcity” from a couple of blogs ago. The example of the simple apartment really overwhelmed me as well. It set me to thinking about my own personal experience, which I would like to share.

I come from what could be considered a lower working class family. Neither of my parents had any significant schooling. My dad left school at age 14 to work full time to help support his mother and two sisters after his own father died from wartime injuries, subsequent to returning from action in France (WW1).

He worked hard all his life, various laboring jobs (sometimes two) never owned a house or car, didn’t believe in credit (different times of course) and never “wished” for anything he couldn’t afford or didn’t need. 

After he passed away in 1995 (4 years after caring for my mother for three years through her own illness) I was tasked with clearing out his apartment. I was visiting Liverpool, from Canada, and had less than 2 weeks to complete the mission. I was taken by how organized he had been. How simple and utilitarian all seemed. No duplication, no waste, no extravagance, just the signs of a well-planned, and comfortable, lived life.

My dad was very proud of his three kids, was contented in his faith (Roman Catholic), totally accepted his social position in life and all that God had bestowed on him. He was a happy, positive man, always with a smile and a joke. He was loved by all those around him.

So when I reflect on your “Richness in Scarcity” and compare my own life’s scramble for success (and resultant accumulation of “stuff” etc), to his, I now wonder, deep down, just who was the real winner?

Thanks for inspiring me to contemplate this during my own unusual circumstances which allowed me a lot of time to reflect.

And thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts on the subject.

My hope is that you've had your heartstrings pulled like I did after reading this story.  I have a sense of familiarity with many parts and have often said about my own Dad that while he never was rich financially, he was a millionaire with the way he lived his life.  Within his own means and truly wanted what he had rather than having what he wanted.

My plan was to share some thoughts about a 'competency model' that I quite like but will save that for another post, another day.  I hope that you are enjoying your summer, time with family and friends along with some solitude and time for reflection on those things important to you.

Take care and God Bless, 

Lots of hugs,

Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".

Tying up Loose Ends, Trimming Threads and Packing up the Past

I sit here looking out at the totally lush, green of the 'forest' behind our home, the creek almost overflowing when it's typically getting marshy by now and try to think of the times during the last couple of weeks that we've had a day of full sun.

 Nature seems to be teasing us with cloudy days turning sunny, only to decide it should end as a wash out and have us scrambling to take cover.  My own reaction has changed dramatically over the past couple of years, having been a sun seeker whenever possible given that many years were spent working in locations without natural exterior light.  Now, with an abundance of free time I can go with the flow much easier, spend time outside when it's nice and curl up on the couch when the clouds roll in and do my 5 panel sudoku puzzles.

A reminder to self, for those people who like to check this blog for an update on my health, I'd like to make a short comment after which you can choose to log off or read as long as you're interest in what I might be rambling on about.  First off, as far as we know - like any otherwise healthy person - my health is stable.  The meds I started taking in July 2013 that were doubled a couple of times to the current dose in October 2013, appear to be doing what they are intended to do which is keep the cells in my liver from growing by feeding on the estrogen in my system.

The pills are a synthetic form of progesterone and after the last cat scan in May of 2014, have done their job with no spread to other organs and, in fact, a reduction in the size of the lesions in my liver.  The side effects include a dramatic slowdown in my metabolism along with a dramatic increase in appetite, a lovely combination.  Any regular readers will know I have blossomed into the Pillsbury Dough Girl giving me lots of mass to deal with many if not most attacks on my system.

Seriously though, I realize I can't be reckless in my care of self as it would result in the development of other health problems, sending me down rabbit holes that were not anticipated.  That's partly why my third major priority is taking care of my health.  Of course, in that category, my own worst enemy is myself as I seem to repeatedly overdo whatever exercises I've been given resulting in a painful recovery period.  The other challenge of course is not having any history of having to seriously watch what I eat nor having to deliberately become more active given my former levels of energy.

A small example to illustrate overdoing:
I mentioned to the physio guy that I think I'm arching my back in the pool.  He shows me how to do a pelvic tilt to help bring it back in line and encourages me to try it, even if for 10 seconds at a time.  His observation is that anyone who works at a desk will develop an issue with the arch in their back.
So what do I do?  The next day as we drive off to Ottawa on the bike (Harley that is), I decide to start practicing the pelvic tilt.  Ten seconds you say?  How about two hours there - intermittently, although mostly 'on', and two hours back.  Kick back pain?  Ya think!?!?

So the last few days have been a combination of limping and lumbering around, a far cry from my former energizer bunny self zipping from one thing to the next.  Now I understand why I would irritate or fluster other people with an almost frenetic level of activity that left others shaking their heads.

As I continue to live this new life, the hazards of busyness are being gently cast aside, replaced with a calmer, more flexible and quiet routine.  Over the past three weekend we had the benefit of grandkids coming to church with us which is one of my very favourite things to do.  Their innocence and openness to absorbing all that is going on around them is fascinating to watch with the hope that some small seed is being planted for them as faith at whatever level continues to develop in their little hearts and souls.

 My own faith continues to be a big part of my life and growing into the 'go to place' during times of discouragement and distress which are a natural part in the rhythm of life.  My faith allows to periods to be fewer and further between as I practice spending time in God's presence.  I'm never alone when I know all I have to do is call and start talking like I'm communicating with my best friend.  The future will hold what it will hold and I feel blessed that I don't know what's down the road of life or I might never get through it.  The past I don't begrudge, the adventures have been growth experiences although vanity remains a formidable foe as I dwell on my physical appearance much more than I need to.  More mental physio needed in that area!

On pretty much a daily basis I pause to remind myself how blessed I am.  The reality is that I take two pills a day for my condition, unlike SO many other people who spend their days treating their ailments.  I eat well, I sleep well, I generally feel well emotionally, I can, within limitations, do whatever I want, I enjoy walking the pool for 1 1/2 hours a day, how great is that?  No real restrictions, only commitments that are fun and enjoyable, flexibility to do as I please, rest as needed.  I can't think of anyone who might want to argue against that kind of routine!

It's almost as though I'm collecting all the pieces of myself that have been scattered far and wide in the efforts of doing for others for so long whether I really wanted to or not.

It's looking at those pieces with new vision, gently polishing them like pearls in an oyster and placing them back in my soul, tucking them in with self care and a renewed sense of who I am as a whole person rather than fragments that might cause others to harm themselves when getting too close to me in times of frenetic activity.

I'd like to share with you a recent experience with the Hospital Foundation.  The reason is not to advertise or promote, but rather to share an unexpected outcome from the event.  A few weeks ago I received a call from the Executive Director to tell me the board of the foundation had decided that I should receive an award at the upcoming community celebration.  While I was quite familiar with the award, I couldn't figure out how or why I would become an intended recipient especially since I had worked at the foundation for over 14 years.

 I'm including a description of the award for context:

DAVIES AWARDS FOR PHILANTHROPY

The prestigious Davies Awards for Philanthropic Leadership is awarded annually by University Hospitals Kingston Foundation on behalf of all three of Kingston’s hospital foundations.

Award recipients are individuals, organizations and community groups that have demonstrated outstanding philanthropic leadership benefiting Kingston university hospitals and the provision of healthcare for the people of Kingston and southeastern Ontario.

I made a decision to only share the information with my family and invited the local kids to the event, mainly because I have a strong view that we need to model behaviours we hope they will follow.  Needless to say I was very pleased that almost all were able to attend.  I realized then, how separate I've kept my work from my home life and their attendance would give at least a glimpse into the world that I spent so much of my time during my work life.

Given that I was provided the opportunity to make a few comments, I jotted down some points to avoid going on at length about my motivation to support the hospitals.

Here is a 'sort of' excerpt:
Thanks to the outstanding care of Kingston hospitals and the thousands of prayers directed my way, I am able to stand in front of everyone to humbly accept this award.

There were three influencers on my behaviour that included my Dad, the Davies family after which the award is named, and all the donors in the room and beyond.  My Dad, never having been a wealthy individual, still gave within his means on a consistent and regular basis.  He showed what was possible, whatever one's means.

I had the privilege to witness the foundation of the Davies Charitable Foundation in the early 1990's after the family sold the local newspaper business.  While many feel they must look after their families without consideration of others, this long established Kingston family had a much larger view and longer term plan in mind.  To date they have gifted to more than 500 individuals and organizations, soon to exceed the $10 million mark.  One of my own views is that as a society we are (all) wealthy beyond measure (even if not at the $10 million level) and that we have a responsibility to share what we have with others.  We also must model to our children the behaviours we hope they will take on and what better gift to give our kids than the gift of Philanthropy?  I noticed with pleasure that the Davies Foundation has evolved to having the next generation - the children of founders Michael and Elaine Davies - as trustees of the Foundation.  Also included, are three of their grandchildren - what a lasting legacy!

One of the reasons I have always had a soft spot for the hospitals is that illness and injury doesn't respect demographic boundaries.  As well, hospitals don't treat individuals based on their power, position or wealth.  If someone needs care, they receive care and it seems like part of the magic to not know the recipients of our generosity when we choose to make a donation.  I've been ever so fortunate to be able to convert what was volunteer work for a long time into a meaningful full time position with the hospital foundation.  Being exposed to and able to work with such a cross section of such generous people, made it so much easier to increase my own generosity.  There is a very special group of people, estate donors, who, for their own reasons, decide to leave all or part of their estate, everything they've worked their whole life to build up, to the hospitals.  In my view, these people deserve a relationship with the Foundation during their lifetime and I had the great honour to maintain those relationships.  I'm grateful for all the donors who helped show me the way.

In the end, I liken the experience to becoming infected with a bug, a 'Giving Bug', but unlike most viruses, this is one I hope none of us recovers from.  Thank you.

After all that, I still haven't addressed the insights I gained from that evening.  First off, I found it so heartwarming to have my family, including my husband Michael, share the experience.  I realized it was the first such event to have almost the whole family joining in.  It made me realize why family meals and get togethers can be so much fun.  I realized that I was able to gain additional closure as far as work was concerned and the presence of family validated what is truly important in my life at this stage.  I realized I did not have the energy nor inclination to actively socialize during the reception whereas in the past I would be buzzing around like a bee saying hi to as many people as possible.  I realized that there were fewer of the long standing donors in attendance - after all many have achieved their milestone 90th birthdays - and many more new faces that I did not have to start building relationships with.  After all, when I first went off work, it was to be for a two week period followed by a return to full time with plans to work until I was 60.  This event somehow helped trim the threads of a seemingly unfinished garment that had been cast aside for the past, almost 3 years.  The ease with which we were able to enter and exit helped me realize my dispensability in a good way.  I no longer needed to be like a magnet attracting people to the Foundation and building relationships that would build greater support for the hospitals.

The award was presented to me by Tim Davies, one of the five children of Michael and Elaine, and one whom I'd not met before as he spent many years in Toronto.

 As it turns out, last Friday evening we were invited over to Simcoe Island for an event and on arriving at the dock to board, another of the Davies children, Eric, pulled up in his power boat to take Dad Michael over.  It just seemed so fitting that I was given a providential opportunity to thank the Davies family personally for having been the recipient of their award - Michael, Elaine, Eric, Tim and his wife Tamara.  What a nice way to bring closure to that chapter of my life.

On arriving at the event on Simcoe Island another surprise was waiting patiently for us to show up.  The warmth and gracious welcome from so many people we know stripped away any anxiety I had about the awkwardness of not being recognized.  It was like the gift of friendship having loose ends tied into a nice, tidy bow.  We had a chance to visit with a number of people I haven't seen since leaving work so suddenly in August 2012.

Even though we had another commitment and had to leave early, the opening for departure appeared so naturally we were able to simply board a boat and head back to the main land enjoying the calm water, a warm sunny evening and a heart full of good wishes received.

The developments over the past couple of weeks have been spiritual in many ways, or at least touching my soul as loose ends were tied up, loose threads were trimmed off and activities of the past unpacked and set out on the breeze like feathers that used to fill up the cushions of life.

Until next time, wishing you good weather and happy times with family and friends.  Take care and God Bless,

Lots of hugs,
Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."