Letting Your Light Shine: Talents, Treasures and Tasks for 2014

It's now only 36 hours or so since touching back down in Syracuse after spending 10 days in 80+ degree sunny weather in southwest Florida.  We were pampered by good friends Martha and Denis, relaxing and being treated to home cooked nutritious and delicious meals.


As I sat in the sun and pondered what might be worth sharing, it occurred to me that the appreciation of the warmth, soft breeze and bright sunshine was only possible after having experienced the cold, harsh winds and whiteout conditions we've experienced here at home.

Isn't it really true in our lives as well?  We take so much for granted without so much as a passing thought until it is snatched out of our lives sometimes without so much as a polite warning.  Never have I required such effort to simply move about freely than over the past few months as I drag around what could be a six year old making even bending over to pick something up, a near Olympian feat!

The current medical status is that I am on a strong dose of a synthetic drug that imitates the hormone progesterone to keep the cancer cells that feed on estrogen from growing any further.  As I understand things, I can remain on this drug indefinitely with the trade off of managing the side effects of fluid retention and appetite stimulation, which, in four months has taken me from a size 6 to a 16!  Hopefully it will level off sometime soon.

Still, the experiences over the past 18 months are not leaving me resentful, angry or lamenting 'why me'? In fact, 'why not me'?  Who do I think I am that I should be spared the suffering and sickness that so may people experience every day of their lives?  I read something recently that said 'it is in our pain and suffering that Jesus gets close enough to kiss us'.  How powerful is that image?  And what a trade off worth making!  What I have been focusing on is how the opportunity this illness has provided me time to pause and really discern what my life has been about until now and what it might look like in the future, that God willing, I get to live.  Had I not gotten sick, would I still be rushing around, running from one thing to the next without so much as a backward glance?  Probably.

Instead, in just the last couple of months that I understand I am medically 'stable', have I been able to look inward with a view to what is most important in my life rather than everyone else's, what gifts and talents I have to share, and how can I let my light shine within the context of this new life.

As we ponder what we are here on earth to 'do', or what purpose are we to fulfill, if you have faith in God, or a higher power, it really is quite simple, 'to love and serve the Lord with all your heart'.  Ok so what does that mean and how do we carry it out in this frenetic, technologically charged world of ours?
As I took the time to consider what gifts God may have given me to serve Him, I thought about those things that come to me as naturally as breathing.  It's those skills or traits that I sometimes I don't realize  others enjoy.

Let me give you an example; I feel like I effortlessly carry around a giant white board and every meeting, interaction and opportunity gets put on the white board like dots or pins on a map.  Over time, it seems so natural to start connecting the dots and seeing a wonderful picture emerge that draws people together, intersecting lives and facilitating relationships that otherwise may not emerge.  The deep sense of heartfelt satisfaction tells me that it's only through the grace of God that I am able to carry this out and, in turn, serving Him.  How easy and natural is that?

Each of us has our own unique talents that light up our lives. Perhaps what we are to do with them, is to fan the flame of our own lights by becoming acutely aware of the gifts we have and using them to the best of our ability.  Now that I might have something of a future to look forward to, I have decided that 2014 requires a plan to nurture and heal my physical self as well as my inner being.  It's a time for choosing those things that will best contribute to my overall sense of well being that aligns me with the role that God has for me.  I hope to emerge as a more caring and thoughtful individual who puts the care and serving of others ahead of my own wants and desires.  Keep in mind though, this is not at the expense of myself, my own oxygen mask first, and only then aiding others.

In the area of Spiritual Direction, I have been working with Phil, Deacon of our church, to practice what is known as 'Ignatian Spirituality' (based on St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuit priesthood), more simply known as 'praying with indifference'.  It is a means of letting go of outcomes and leaving the final decisions to God and leaving total faith and control in His hands instead of trying to guide and direct our own future.  It does not mean simply cocooning and doing nothing but dwelling on our comfortable lives, but rather to be courageous enough to allow God to work through us and be ready to serve the needs of the world that He sees us able to fulfill.

Since the start of my spiritual direction sessions, I have changed my intentions when praying from asking for a cure to asking for 'total acceptance of God's Will for all aspects of my life with a wise and understanding heart'.

Since my last post, I've read a book by Chris Lowney, a former Jesuit priest turned high powered financier turned author, called Pope Francis, Why He Leads the Way He Leads.  Throughout the book, we are encouraged to use our gifts for the greatest good of all, to be a personal example of living a life of humility and even as individuals to let our own unique leadership qualities shine.  For me it is one of the best publications I've read that helps me reconcile my inner spiritual needs with the outer, busyness of our world.

In closing, much of 2014 will be invested in self care such as physical exercise, mindfulness through meditation, proper diet, spiritual direction, contemplation and discernment through solitude topped off with some creative activities yet to be determined.

Take care, wishing you all the best and I'll be back in a couple of weeks…….
God Bless,
Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".

Plans for a Third Life in One Lifetime

I'm sure many of us are scratching our heads right now wondering how we got into February 2014 in what seems to be the blink of an eye.  The deeper wonderment that I've been experiencing is how I get to live what seems like a third life in one lifetime.  Do I just analyze things too much as my closest friends tease me or have I really been blessed to get to live almost distinct and separate lives with only a few constant connections?

When I met Mike 10 years ago this April, it was after a very full and active life of 25 years with my first husband Rick, raising our son Matt, working full time plus at the bank and doing all sorts of community service. Of course, there was sports of all kinds interwoven in all aspects of our lives; well Rick and Matt's lives while I tagged along being a supportive and loyal fan.  I remember vividly though, the words on the day we brought Matt home from the hospital the year he was born when Rick reminded me that we only 'had him' for 18 years.  Little did I understand the prophetic nature of his comment until he suddenly passed away a month before Matt's 19th birthday at age 53.  Life was over as we knew it and rebuilding emotionally was an uphill battle.  The saving grace was having faith to hang onto.

On many, many days I felt like a little boat out at sea without an anchor, just bouncing around from one wave to the next.
It was faith that got us to the safety of dry land and a new life.  While many people profess to have faith without the need to belong to any particular community or 'church', I can't begin to describe the comfort and support I felt from so many people in one place at one time every single week as we started our second life.

As I contemplated what the future might hold in terms of relationships, I envisioned an unencumbered lifestyle.  Matt was away at university, I had a good job with flexible hours at the Hospital Foundation and could find time to travel on weekends as it suited me.  Little did I know that God was up there chuckling to Himself when He brought Mike into my life.  Try as I might to run the other way, there was no escaping God's plan.  It didn't help that Mike got to meet and get to know my Dad during the last six months of his life.  One day while visiting him at KGH, my dad 'sealed the deal' with God when he said "I can go in peace now, I know she's not alone".  It had never even entered my mind that my Dad had that concern.

I thought, oh man, here I go again, Mike's kids were 10 and 13 (and a 19 year old stepdaughter) and Matt was 20.  Rick's kids were 2 and 4 when we met.  They were now 28 and 30. Either I'd done a lousy job as a parent and have to try yet again or I've done such a good job, I get to take it on one more time!  When we balance things out and take a look at what's really important in life, I keep reminding myself of the saying that in the end so many things DON'T matter and can't compare to making the difference in the life of a child.  This second life has included large doses of family and friends and an ever widening network of acquaintances that has led to a multitude of activities that neither of us would have experienced on our own.

When people ask how many kids we have, our first response is that it's a complicated question but that there are six in total.  We are blessed to have good relationships with all of them and everyone makes the effort to keep in some form of contact in ways that suit their own lifestyles.  Of course the real gems in all this, are the six grandchildren we get to enjoy!  We've had fun,  done so many different and interesting things and feel blessed that we have been able to share the lives of so many.  Until now, Mike has been saying that I have more energy as a sick person than most healthy people.  Well, that might be true but is also changing as I seem to give birth to Life Number three.

I had appointments this week with both my gynea oncologist and family doctor, both of whom were thrilled with my progress and deeply encouraging to get on with my life. Do what I'd like within the limitations that have been physically imposed on me because of my condition, they said, enjoy life, and carry out your plans.  Neither of them seemed at all perturbed about my bulked up self - now pushing about 165!  No, they just validated my own view that having a plan for healing in 2014 and being proactive about those aspects of life that are within my influence is the best approach to take.  Go ahead, try things out and see how they turn out.

On that note I met with a friend who is a spiritual advisor and raised a very interesting concept of 'grazing' while I develop my plans.  The suggestion was not to get too narrow and fixated on certain activities but rather be more open to what comes along, at least for a period of time to figure out what's working and appealing and what might be passed over for something else.  What I found very reassuring about this suggestion was that it's ok to almost dart from one thing to the next like a hungry hummingbird seeking nectar and satisfaction from many different sources.  Oh, in this case I guess it would be better to describe it as a big Queen Bee that scientifically has no business flying because the wings can't carry the weight!

Hummingbird belongs in Life Number 1 or 2!.  In any case, having some larger goals with related activities that can be reviewed and changed along the way fits right in with my personality type of flitting from one thing to the next.

This third life is shaping up to be one quite different than the last two, creating a much deeper understanding of what God has planned for me while on this earth.  Consider this quote from Mother Teresa: "Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow and suffering are but the kiss of Jesus - a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you." How's that for some deep philosophical contemplation?  And to think that I have been spared from sinking into the dark abyss of the really hard daily pain and suffering.  God has dealt me a very gentle hand but one that is very effective in totally changing my life.  Take away the slim, lithe person with boundless energy that could take on just about anything, albeit high strung and sometimes bouncing around like a pinball.  Bring on the slow moving, plump, cute (according to others) individual who has to pause after two flights of stairs to catch her breath and can walk at about half her previous pace with very little physical energy.

Just now am I finding space within myself where I can be open to some of the greatest self reflection of my lifetime.  No longer am I a 'human doing' rushing from one thing to the next taking care of anything and everything in a constant state of anxiety about not doing enough.  Instead I am feeling the sense of calm and inner peace that has been imposed by my new physical self.  There is time for reading and absorbing information that I've been longing for but never gave myself permission to slow down long enough to actually digest.  Hey, maybe that's part of the new diet.

On that note, I did meet with the dietician and we developed a sample menu plan and list of foods that will be optimal to manage the weight and fluid retention.  Check that activity on the list - now it's just a matter of exercising the self discipline of mind over matter when one is taking medication in large doses twice a day, that is also an strong appetite stimulant!  God obviously has a sense of humour and wants me to have some challenge in this new more restful and peaceful existence.

The meeting with a personal trainer went well with a plan to meet a couple of times a week when we get back from Florida (Feb 3 - 14th to visit friends), to get me into a routine that will best leverage my reduced physical ability to remain as healthy as possible.  It's easy to say just do whatever you feel like and can do while listening to your body which I've been told so far.  I tried that and way overdid some core strengthening which resulted in a very sore back for several days.  I'm committed to keeping as active as possible and recently a friend introduced a form of 'medical meditation' into my routine.

They say the plan for healing is like a full time job and that it should be treated as such to allow the body, mind and soul to recover from the assaults of the many complications of a serious cancer  diagnosis.

This concept made it much easier to start focusing and planning for this year.  I don't want to be identified by my illness but rather use it to make my life and the lives of those around me the very best that I can.  When I recently attended a talk by world renowned motivational expert, Robin Sharma, he challenged us to do five things a day that will take us forward toward our goal in life.  My plans will include little things that I can do in this regard every day.  What is your bigger life plan and what five things will you do today, tomorrow and the next to make your life better?

I wish you only the best for 2014 but also know that we will all get challenges sent our way so for those times I wish you strength, peace and courage to deal with them in ways that will provide the greatest outcome for all concerned.

Please keep up the prayers, positive energy, white light and whatever else you believe will help us all be the best that we can be.  Til next time, God Bless,

Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the best gifts we can receive".