Plans for a Third Life in One Lifetime

I'm sure many of us are scratching our heads right now wondering how we got into February 2014 in what seems to be the blink of an eye.  The deeper wonderment that I've been experiencing is how I get to live what seems like a third life in one lifetime.  Do I just analyze things too much as my closest friends tease me or have I really been blessed to get to live almost distinct and separate lives with only a few constant connections?

When I met Mike 10 years ago this April, it was after a very full and active life of 25 years with my first husband Rick, raising our son Matt, working full time plus at the bank and doing all sorts of community service. Of course, there was sports of all kinds interwoven in all aspects of our lives; well Rick and Matt's lives while I tagged along being a supportive and loyal fan.  I remember vividly though, the words on the day we brought Matt home from the hospital the year he was born when Rick reminded me that we only 'had him' for 18 years.  Little did I understand the prophetic nature of his comment until he suddenly passed away a month before Matt's 19th birthday at age 53.  Life was over as we knew it and rebuilding emotionally was an uphill battle.  The saving grace was having faith to hang onto.

On many, many days I felt like a little boat out at sea without an anchor, just bouncing around from one wave to the next.
It was faith that got us to the safety of dry land and a new life.  While many people profess to have faith without the need to belong to any particular community or 'church', I can't begin to describe the comfort and support I felt from so many people in one place at one time every single week as we started our second life.

As I contemplated what the future might hold in terms of relationships, I envisioned an unencumbered lifestyle.  Matt was away at university, I had a good job with flexible hours at the Hospital Foundation and could find time to travel on weekends as it suited me.  Little did I know that God was up there chuckling to Himself when He brought Mike into my life.  Try as I might to run the other way, there was no escaping God's plan.  It didn't help that Mike got to meet and get to know my Dad during the last six months of his life.  One day while visiting him at KGH, my dad 'sealed the deal' with God when he said "I can go in peace now, I know she's not alone".  It had never even entered my mind that my Dad had that concern.

I thought, oh man, here I go again, Mike's kids were 10 and 13 (and a 19 year old stepdaughter) and Matt was 20.  Rick's kids were 2 and 4 when we met.  They were now 28 and 30. Either I'd done a lousy job as a parent and have to try yet again or I've done such a good job, I get to take it on one more time!  When we balance things out and take a look at what's really important in life, I keep reminding myself of the saying that in the end so many things DON'T matter and can't compare to making the difference in the life of a child.  This second life has included large doses of family and friends and an ever widening network of acquaintances that has led to a multitude of activities that neither of us would have experienced on our own.

When people ask how many kids we have, our first response is that it's a complicated question but that there are six in total.  We are blessed to have good relationships with all of them and everyone makes the effort to keep in some form of contact in ways that suit their own lifestyles.  Of course the real gems in all this, are the six grandchildren we get to enjoy!  We've had fun,  done so many different and interesting things and feel blessed that we have been able to share the lives of so many.  Until now, Mike has been saying that I have more energy as a sick person than most healthy people.  Well, that might be true but is also changing as I seem to give birth to Life Number three.

I had appointments this week with both my gynea oncologist and family doctor, both of whom were thrilled with my progress and deeply encouraging to get on with my life. Do what I'd like within the limitations that have been physically imposed on me because of my condition, they said, enjoy life, and carry out your plans.  Neither of them seemed at all perturbed about my bulked up self - now pushing about 165!  No, they just validated my own view that having a plan for healing in 2014 and being proactive about those aspects of life that are within my influence is the best approach to take.  Go ahead, try things out and see how they turn out.

On that note I met with a friend who is a spiritual advisor and raised a very interesting concept of 'grazing' while I develop my plans.  The suggestion was not to get too narrow and fixated on certain activities but rather be more open to what comes along, at least for a period of time to figure out what's working and appealing and what might be passed over for something else.  What I found very reassuring about this suggestion was that it's ok to almost dart from one thing to the next like a hungry hummingbird seeking nectar and satisfaction from many different sources.  Oh, in this case I guess it would be better to describe it as a big Queen Bee that scientifically has no business flying because the wings can't carry the weight!

Hummingbird belongs in Life Number 1 or 2!.  In any case, having some larger goals with related activities that can be reviewed and changed along the way fits right in with my personality type of flitting from one thing to the next.

This third life is shaping up to be one quite different than the last two, creating a much deeper understanding of what God has planned for me while on this earth.  Consider this quote from Mother Teresa: "Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow and suffering are but the kiss of Jesus - a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you." How's that for some deep philosophical contemplation?  And to think that I have been spared from sinking into the dark abyss of the really hard daily pain and suffering.  God has dealt me a very gentle hand but one that is very effective in totally changing my life.  Take away the slim, lithe person with boundless energy that could take on just about anything, albeit high strung and sometimes bouncing around like a pinball.  Bring on the slow moving, plump, cute (according to others) individual who has to pause after two flights of stairs to catch her breath and can walk at about half her previous pace with very little physical energy.

Just now am I finding space within myself where I can be open to some of the greatest self reflection of my lifetime.  No longer am I a 'human doing' rushing from one thing to the next taking care of anything and everything in a constant state of anxiety about not doing enough.  Instead I am feeling the sense of calm and inner peace that has been imposed by my new physical self.  There is time for reading and absorbing information that I've been longing for but never gave myself permission to slow down long enough to actually digest.  Hey, maybe that's part of the new diet.

On that note, I did meet with the dietician and we developed a sample menu plan and list of foods that will be optimal to manage the weight and fluid retention.  Check that activity on the list - now it's just a matter of exercising the self discipline of mind over matter when one is taking medication in large doses twice a day, that is also an strong appetite stimulant!  God obviously has a sense of humour and wants me to have some challenge in this new more restful and peaceful existence.

The meeting with a personal trainer went well with a plan to meet a couple of times a week when we get back from Florida (Feb 3 - 14th to visit friends), to get me into a routine that will best leverage my reduced physical ability to remain as healthy as possible.  It's easy to say just do whatever you feel like and can do while listening to your body which I've been told so far.  I tried that and way overdid some core strengthening which resulted in a very sore back for several days.  I'm committed to keeping as active as possible and recently a friend introduced a form of 'medical meditation' into my routine.

They say the plan for healing is like a full time job and that it should be treated as such to allow the body, mind and soul to recover from the assaults of the many complications of a serious cancer  diagnosis.

This concept made it much easier to start focusing and planning for this year.  I don't want to be identified by my illness but rather use it to make my life and the lives of those around me the very best that I can.  When I recently attended a talk by world renowned motivational expert, Robin Sharma, he challenged us to do five things a day that will take us forward toward our goal in life.  My plans will include little things that I can do in this regard every day.  What is your bigger life plan and what five things will you do today, tomorrow and the next to make your life better?

I wish you only the best for 2014 but also know that we will all get challenges sent our way so for those times I wish you strength, peace and courage to deal with them in ways that will provide the greatest outcome for all concerned.

Please keep up the prayers, positive energy, white light and whatever else you believe will help us all be the best that we can be.  Til next time, God Bless,

Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the best gifts we can receive".