Mid January Mental Roaming

Well what a winter it is turning into!  We've actually had two days so far where if you were out driving there was snow on the road.  What a comical scene it can be too, when so many people have made zero attempt to adjust their driving skills for the slippery white stuff under their wheels.

 And those without snow tires have an even more gleeful slip, slide around corners and attempting the gentlest of inclines not even close to resembling a hill.  My personal joy with this last day of squalls and all day snow was the total personal discretion I had about whether to go out.  I went to mass at 8:30 in the morning which does provide me with a gentle and fulfilling way to start the day.  Besides which, it's in and out within 30 minutes, no long drawn out ceremony or sermon, just a top up for the day ahead.  I also had a doctor's appointment at 10 downtown and my ever loyal friend Tess, a retired KGH nurse, has become cheerleader and chauffeur for most of my medical  outings.  The best part is that it always turns into a great visit.  We made our way downtown, had a good long review with the resident whom I've seen before and agreed on a few minor next steps.  I was doing a happy dance since the 10 pounds I dropped in Nov/Dec from a temporary reduction in my Maggie meds, has not returned despite the return to the higher dose at the beginning of December! And surviving the holiday temptations!!!!

Medically, things remain stable although with the fluctuations in hemoglobin levels, we decided an ultrasound would be in order to measure the 'two pack' in my liver.  This is the suspected pocket of blood in my liver that was discovered during the cat scan in November, approximately the size of two large beer cans.  And think how hard people work to try to get a six pack!  The culprit might likely be an internal bleed since going on blood thinners at the end of October.  The best and least invasive way to monitor is through regular blood work to ensure my hemoglobin returns to and remains at reasonable levels.  I must admit I do wonder about the upside of carrying around this (could it be) litre of blood waiting however long it might take to get reabsorbed into my system.  The continued view of my oncologist is that if it's not creating any problems (other than some pressure and an extended abdomen that can in no way be sucked in to resemble a hoped for six pack!!) is to do nothing.  In all cases when a decision is made to 'do something' there is also the consequence of whatever is done.  As I may have mentioned before even if I decide I'd like to confirm that it is just a sac of blood, I'd have to be admitted because it would mean taking me off blood thinners, going through interventional radiology and having a sample taken much like a biopsy.  My common sense tells me that at this point there is no real reason, other than curiosity to take up resources to do something invasive to figure out something that isn't even really bothering me.  There are many people much more in need of care and attention than me at this point and part of that feeling is that I do feel extremely well cared for by my entire medical team.

If I were to do a rant about the medical system on this blog, it might be about the local use of our Emergency Departments like after hours clinics.

I know there was a time when balancing the education of our future medical personnel relied on having enough patients to 'practice on' but those days are long past.  With the advent of after hours clinics and Telehealth, there are avenues available to sort out relatively routine medical issues without a beeline to Emerg.  I also do understand there are situations, that may appear to be minor, require attention for insurance or work related incidents and requirements.  But does that come from the same historical perspective or are there new, different and more efficient ways to deal with such situations? I've actually felt rather guilty in years gone by taking my son to Emerg due to a sports related injury especially when there's not likely anything that is going to be done other than take time to heal.  On the other hand, the young adult daughter of a friend landed in Emerg three times in the past month or so and all three times admitted to the Intensive Care Unit.  Now that's an emergency.   Anyway, I've gone on long enough and there's always another day.  In closing on this subject though I wonder if we each asked our family doc on our next visit, what we might do differently in this day and age of congested Emerg Depts., what advice we would be given.  Apparently there are referrals made to Emerg by family doctors as the most direct line to specialized care than trying to navigate the referral system.  Having said that though, the plan for my ultrasound, made on Tuesday of this week, was to book it at KGH rather than one of the satellite clinics which, where, although it might be done more quickly, would not have the same coordination of benefit like sending a copy to my oncologist or having all of my information in one location.  Well lo and behold, as I'm writing this post, the phone rang and there is a cancellation for Monday so I can have the ultrasound done, at KGH,  within one week of seeing my doctor, making the decision, and having them place the order.  Not too shabby I'd say!

Over the past month or so there's seems to have been an increased level of illness and loss among people we know and care about.  And I'm not even talking about the most famous of cases, the apparent 'sudden' death of David Bowie from cancer.

(Courtesy) Anna Galvao
annacarolina93@gmail.com

 On the positive side, to learn of someone's death from cancer as a shock, is evidence in my mind of how far we really have come in managing the disease.  In years gone by of course it was the death knell, kept almost in hiding and possibly not even knowing completely whether the cause of death was "The Big C Word" or hopefully something else.  In today's society, with so much out in the open, it has become almost an oxymoron to have someone die 'suddenly' especially with the chance for early diagnosis these days.

On the other hand, there was someone fairly recently who apparently thought they had a cough or cold and turned out to have advanced cancer and was gone within a week.  Would I term that sudden?  You bet!  Someone, a closer friend, had been sick for over a year, again with a fairly advanced diagnosis but seemed to go through the experience without great suffering, relative peace and total acceptance of the inevitable.  Pondering these things caused a thought to occur to me that is so simple, so obvious and yet so profound I've been surprised by the concept with some sort of niggling interest in exploring it in greater detail.  Or, as is often said these days, 'Unpacking It', taking it apart and seeing where it leads one's thinking.

The thought is simply this:  "All relationships end."  Period.  Wait a minute!  Hold On!  You mean this is an experience that every single one of us will go through at some point in our lives?  Uh huh.
There is no one who lives a charmed life and isn't exposed to the grief, trauma, sense of loss, gut wrenching grief associated with the ending of a relationship?  Yup, that's right.
Ending of a relationship is something that every one of us has in common?  Whether it's parents, partners, extended family, friends, co-workers?  You got it.
It also means the end of relationships is not necessarily due to death, but could be for a myriad of reasons, many of which we are not easily accepting of but none the less, have to stare in the face at some point.

I'm not quite sure how it makes me feel, to let that concept roll around in my brain like marbles that don't have a little hand dug hole to neatly fall into and sit quietly.  What does it say for the intimacy of life that we share with every single other person on this planet?  Every one of us, no matter what, will go through the experience of ending a relationship.  It helps me better understand why there is no, or rather why there are probably hundreds or thousands of books written on loss and no one 'fix it up' manual that can be referred to for help.

I've long accepted that there is no one way to deal with loss and grief because every relationship is as unique as the individuals involved.  It's also why no one is ever in a position to say to another "I know (just, exactly) how you feel.  The visceral, internal reaction to such a statement is the internal self, screaming back "No You Don't.  You have absolutely no idea how I feel".  It's also why I've tried to subscribe to the view that dealing with the ending of relationships has to be done 'in your own time and in your own way'.  There is no easy answer or solution.  It can be especially hard when watching younger people go through their first experiences and being empathetic without being dismissive that everyone goes through this and you'll get over it.  It's every bit as real as any loss any one of us has or will experience.

Something I learned in recent years is that of communicating with individuals who have dementia or Alzheimer's disease.

We all know there is a tendency for them to speak about long deceased family members as though they are still alive and our tendency is to simply 'remind' the person that who they are referring to is dead.  What I didn't know and found to be most helpful is that these poor souls, when they hear about the family member being gone, is actually hearing it for the first time.  Imagine that!  Every time they speak of someone we know has passed, if not careful, we are shocking them into that time yet again.  How sad is that?  While it must get painfully frustrating to hear the same things over and over, sometimes the best coping mechanism is to simply let it happen.  Another thing I've learned over the years, is that there comes a time in many people's lives who have been very social, outgoing and love to chat, when they are no longer motivated by interactive conversation.  If we can accept the fact that some individuals simply have a need to talk, we can relax into the situation and simply provide the proper 'ums, aah's and mmm hmmms' when appropriate.  I've started a personal game recently in those interactions and others.  My role becomes that of an interviewer and asking questions about subjects that I might truly be interested in and hearing what they have to say.  Gently guiding the speaker into areas that give us both a change of vocal scenery that can sometimes create a new and interesting vignette.

Something I'd like to leave with you as I close off this unexpected post, (I've been thinking about this loss of relationship thought but had no idea where it would go) is a recent interview I had with my former colleagues at the Hospital Foundation.   My work there was mainly around encouraging legacy giving, something I feel passionate about but didn't enough opportunity to effectively devote my time to.  After all, the need for current donations can easily overshadow the possibility of longer term, much larger donations.

In any case I was asked why I had chosen this time to speak openly about my personal thoughts on the subject which has been turned into an article and a short video on the UHKF website.  The answer came easily enough.  Back in June, when someone other than me, decided they would shine a light on my personal donor activities, it reminded me of one of my favourite Bible sayings.  It goes something like this - when we have a light and it is shining, we are not to hide it under a bushel basket  but rather in the window for others to see.

It was this image that guided me to be open and willing to share some of the things I have done, and the influences in my life that have led to being open and willing to help others through financial donations.  As I mentioned in a post a number of months ago, there are some experiences that bring a level of joy that can never be bought.  Giving to others, and often when we don't know the recipient, leaves a heartwarming feeling that can't quite be matched by other things in our lives.

After all, if we can truly believe that nothing in this world is ours, it's all from the grace of God, then it becomes much easier to consider sharing that focusing our attention on all the hard work we did to have what we currently enjoy.  Anyway, just a parting thought with wishes for you to have a great start to your year in 2016 as we move into the second half of January.

Take care, of you, those you care about and take time to be grateful for all that we have.

Hugs
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".