Mike's daughter Nathalie returned home on December 23rd having spent her first semester of 4th year university in Denmark. It sounds like it was a most interesting adventure with trips to various countries interspersed with course studies.
I continue to marvel how little I ventured out although Mike made up for both of us on the mall crawling front! All in all we had a low key, quiet and enjoyable Christmas with family.
As the month wore on, while my medical issues seemed to remain relatively stable, blood tests revealed my hemoglobin bouncing around like those little white balls they used to have on tv so we could follow along with the music and songs being played. Needless to say it was a little unnerving to experience another 12 point drop without any really symptoms or side effects. I truly can't say enough for my medical team though. Blood work was done at 1:45 on Monday and my doctor was on the phone at 8:10 Tuesday morning to discuss the results. Her concern was that she was heading 'away' the next day and wanted to make sure we had a plan in place in the event any untoward symptoms developed in her absence.
We weren't sure if there might be internal bleeding but she provided careful instruction on what to do depending on how I felt. Who to call, where to go with the reassurance that at no time would I be left unattended. It was also agreed that further tests would be done to see where things were after Christmas. It turns out, my hemoglobin returned to the land of the living, while not close to the minimum, still within the range it's been hanging around. Something I wonder about is what my hemoglobin levels have been on a historical basis. Maybe it's not so far off what normal for me might be or have been.
One other physical change that seemed to me to be like a magic wand being waved over me when during the month of November my anti cancer meds were cut in half from two pills to one pill per day.
While my middle feels like it's continued to expand, whether real or not, it made me feel like I was on another bout of weight gain. For one of the few times at home, I decided to step on the scale, keeping my fingers crossed that it wouldn't 'redline' and burst off the screen. Well, the magic was that in fact I was down 10 pounds! Imagine that! If nothing else, this experience has given me living proof that Maggie truly is a function of the meds I'm on and the higher dose definitely has her asking for more - more dinner, more snacks, more of anything that can be consumed, hungry or not. Needless to say we are in a constant battle and I'm not sure who is on the winning side of this one.
Daytime naps, copious amounts of just laying around, 'working' on sudoku and actually reading were all fully justified by my self imposed rule of taking time to allow my body to heal with no allowance to simply 'push through' and do everything that needs doing. What was particularly interesting is that I had to make a decision about my annual candy making binge. Much got made but guess what?
Some were delivered late and some are still waiting for drop off, patiently sitting on the counter until such time that I feel up to actually venturing out. The remarkable outcome of this little exercise was just how much stress I didn't feel! How many of us overload ourselves with all the self imposed duties, creating rigid deadlines that are only obvious to ourselves and racing around like elves on steroids? Can't you just see it? I can now look at others and marvel at how people must have reacted to my behaviour of speed walking to everywhere, leaving papers fluttering in my wake as I energetically felt compelled to race everywhere with singular focus on my own priorities.
I can recall one 'aha' moment when still working at the bank and going up to the counter to use a terminal to obtain information for something I was working on. At just about the same moment, another staff member walked up and started using the computer terminal for her own inquiries. In the midst of the bristles of irritation brushing on my ego, the thought occurred to me "What makes your work any more important than anyone else's (hers)". Well, talk about putting me in my place and hopefully taking a deep breath to help put things back in perspective.
The relative quiet of the past few weeks along with my physical limitations have opened up a new, or perhaps an old, locked away, feeling of serenity and calm. In between bouts of resting, little putter jobs that float through my mind on occasion were gently being 'picked off' and dealt with, freeing up even more space in my mind almost like kicking another squirrel out of the crowd.
A friend of mine had given me a little daily devotional called 'Jesus Calling' (Sarah Young) when Mike and I married only to have found a spot in the 'waiting to read lineup' until she asked me this summer how I was enjoying it. Oops, I guess I better a) locate it and b) make at least half an effort to read a few pages, one page, a day at a time. Like we hear so often, things show up when we need them or when we're ready - it's wonderfully written in a way as though God is talking directly to me. The main concept throughout the book is all about putting God first and foremost in our lives. It's about leaving ourselves open for His guidance, peace and yes, surprises. I used to wonder how in the world we could possibly make God the centre of our lives when we have so much going on and to get everything done because we are relying on our own energy and steam to accomplish whatever we set out to do. I actually think I'm starting to 'get it'. I pray the Rosary every day, usually in the pool - after all it only takes 15 minutes or once I head to bed at night or in the afternoon. The latter choice inevitably becomes a marathon since I can never stay awake long enough to finish it! Next time I wake up, my mind tries to recall where I left off and pick up again.
Funny thing is that it never leaves me feeling 'tired' like the lists that used to churn through my brain on a nightly basis until, some nights, I had to literally get out a piece of paper and pen and make notes to empty my mind.
Prayer, can, in many ways be considered meditation or mantras which can help us keep free of the daily clutter of life.
Before signing off, I'd like to share with you something that I've been considering for some time now. You may know that I come from a tiny, micro, first generation Canadian family. Our immediate family consisted of our Dad, my brother (20 months older) and me from ages 5 and 6. I say our Dad because of the habit I have developed over the years of saying my Dad even when my brother is around visiting from North Bay.
One of the bittersweet funny moments was at the visitation for our Dad when he passed away in 2004. Someone actually said to my brother Andrew, "Sorry about the loss of your sister's father!" or something to that effect. I must admit we've laughed about that one ever since. Andrew was in the military and always at a relatively great distance. He left school at 18 to join the army and off he went to explore many parts of the world still unknown to me.
I often think about how single minded I was in finishing school, heading to college while living at home because it made no sense to consider going out of town when I could drive 15 minutes to get to college. After a three year Business program, working part time throughout, off I went to BMO for a 23 year career before joining the Hospital Foundation for another 14 years.
My brother on the other hand, yes the one who didn't quite complete high school, and the one who joined the military went off to what I thought would be an impossible adventure of being under the heavy hand of the military.
Well, to my surprise, he has spent almost or fully 40 years either full time or part time in the forces and later in life, the Reserves serving Canada.
The point that I'd like to make is to recognize his self taught talents and abilities that most of us never consider, let alone pursue without the benefit of classes, courses or technical training of any structured nature. Being a voracious reader, I've learned over the years that my brother has been self taught in any number of sometimes complicated and technical subjects that I can only imagine. One of the major differences between us in that regard is his ability to read and put that reading to practical use. Mine on the other hand, is an expectation that I, by some form of mystical osmosis will know what is in a book simply by holding in my possession. Learn by reading? Are you kidding? My expectation is to simply 'know' as if I could hook up some imaginary I.V. and have the information drip into my system in a slow and methodical way.
No, more like in an instant rush without so much as a pause between chapters!
I'd like to share with you what I consider to be a sampling of my brother's skill and ability, most of which has been learned independent of much formal training, although one must admit the Canadian Military does a good job of training its troops:
He started training as a heavy equipment operator - to you and me that could be any form of motorized vehicle larger than a standard car. Did he stop there? Oh no, he became qualified as an instructor.
I recall his early days of having a motorcycle - how did he learn that? He brought it home one day and took me to the green space across from our house and suggested I try driving it. Without a second thought, I said, sure, jumped on and started going around in circles only to realize that I had no idea how to stop or get off. So I jumped high enough to clear the still rolling bike before it could topple over on me. Funny thing is, I don't even remember Andrew getting mad at me!
Did he stop there? No, there too he became qualified as an instructor, both civilian and military and became chief instructor.
I'm not sure if the stint in Germany gave him the exposure to beautiful snowy slopes but he became a skier and - yup you've got it, didn't stop there - became a qualified ski instructor.
It was also there, that to my surprise, this brother of mine who'd never laced up in any serious way to actually participate in the great Canadian game, became a front liner on the bench of hockey games, whether to coach or just to heckle the referees remains in debate all these years later.
A couple of other sport related activities included learning the skill of archery then ran the club in Goose Bay because apparently there was interest in having a club but no one to step up to lead. I honestly thought I had made this one up!
Then of course one can't be posted to the remote areas of our great country and not learn the proper practices of camping and kayaking. According to my brother, heck all you have to do is read a couple of books and put into practice what you've read. Ya right!
On retirement a couple of other options seem to tug the interest of this non-student, self taught master of many things. One was bicycle maintenance, where through one course or another he learned the technical aspects of taking apart and putting back together - a very important consideration - the most basic modes of transportation. Of course that also led to expanding that sort of knowledge to motorcycles and he has done virtually all the work on his own bike, now that the bike is off for the winter and taking up storage in his living room. Yup, that's right, living room. Fodder for another blog sometime. It's amazing what one can do when they live on their own and don't have to acquiesce to the needs of others in the house.
I believe the last of the sport related skills that have been honed is that of making custom made golf clubs. Take a course here, read a book there and poof, next thing is you're taking orders and measuring and weighting and tinkering here and there. Oh and in this case, taking up the game itself and having lots of fun, like so many other people world wide, thoroughly enjoying chasing that little round ball all over the countryside. Exercise of course, on the course after taking a course!
Through the years an interest in both birds and fish led to more reading, more courses and more forums as the internet became a prolific way of learning new things. Is he content to simply have birds and fish - mais non! Let's get into specialty groups and breeding both species. I barely have enough room in my head to recount and recap these things let alone actually undertake all those types of varying hobbies and pastimes.
Andrew had always had an interest in photography and I remember some pictures he took before he even left home that were worthy of framing and displaying.
Just a hobby, a sideline, and while of course I thought he'd become an instructor, no this truly was kept as a personal activity that resulted in accumulating in depth knowledge of the art of photography. As I write this, I even recall the early days when he would develop black and white pictures at home. I think I was even taken on as an assistant from time to time although likely only for short periods at a time since my attention would waver and move on to other things.
I'm not even going to go into the self taught topics of building, repairing, gardening and the like. After this account I think you get the picture. I feel this a vitally important view to represent when so much emphasis is being placed on the 'business' of post secondary education. Don't get me wrong, it can be a tremendous experience leading to all sorts of doors opening and opportunities to be explored. Yes, the average university graduate will earn some exponential greater amount of income than one who has not completed the elite run around the track. But is that track built for everyone? Is it a mandatory race that not everyone is even meant to enter? Times have certainly changed since we were in school and I agree and admit that many jobs require post secondary that were never even considered in our time of exploring life. Growing up being raised by a father who was a university graduate before the Second World War, we had lots of exposure to the academic in him. Dad was much more the arts, literary, and business minded individual than the sports enthusiast, technical tinkering guy that many children grew up with. All through our childhood, he would pound away at a manual typewriter on Sunday afternoons to submit correspondence courses that he took on out of self interest and self improvement for whatever type of work he was in. The whole topic of education, experience, learning styles and social expectation could take up many posts and there are many views and opinions worth sharing. Please accept my brief musings simply as reactions to a microcosm of the subject.
Maybe Dad and Andrew were more alike in many ways than either would even consider. When 'interviewing' my brother for this blog post - I hope he realizes this is what I had planned to do with it - he gave me a few comments that I will close this first writing of January 2016 with:
"I'm the student of the rule that if you stop learning then you have stopped living. If you have not learned something during the day, no matter how small, you have not been listening or paying attention to what is happening around you."
I sincerely hope that you all have enjoyed a peaceful, joy filled Christmas and New Year's and have plans for 2016 to be the best one so far. When I say in the title of this post that January 2016 is a Milestone to Be Thankful for ... it's because if I make it to November, I will achieve a goal that three years ago seemed to have become a ship in the fog of an uncertain future.
My original plan was to retire at age 60 and yes, November will come with me having the benefit of practicing retirement for over 4 years! Maybe by then I will have become proficient at it!
Until next time, take care and God Bless,
Wishing you health and peace in the year ahead,
Hugs
Liz
dobbsliz@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".
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