July - Can it be over already?

Where could it possibly have gone?  There must be people out there searching for the time and hot, humid beach like weather they were expecting for vacations, staycations, weekends at the cottage or trailer time.  Here I am, home everyday and wondering the same things.  I can only imagine how fast the hamster wheel must be turning for those of you who are still putting in full time work, family time and community volunteering.

I remember when I first met my husband Mike and things were becoming a little more romantic than painting kitchens and bathrooms together which is how we came to be a couple.  He met me at work and we walked across to the waterfront park at the hospital and enjoyed a picnic.

 I can still sense the stoppage of time and the sense of a mini, less than one hour vacation which truly nurtured our souls.  Maybe that's something we all need to consider as often as possible, even me at home, a little 'time out' to simply absorb the infinite beauty of nature around us that is ours for the receiving.

As I write this my heart breaks for the millions of people who can only hope for some sense of peace in their lives. Only through the happenstance of their birthplace, they are caught in the middle of conflict that strips away every sense of normalcy and fills the void with senseless, chaotic, savage violence.

One minute children are playing in places they have been assured are safe and the next they become victims of yet another shell attack.  The images on tv are enough to sicken anyone watching from a distance the horror that is taking place around the world.  Oh we should be ever so grateful for the insulated lives we live in  one of the greatest countries of the world.

In 2004 our family started a new practice which has since become one of our traditions that I may have mentioned before.  During the tsunami that hit Japan, we felt so helpless that we decided there was one thing we could do for those in the path of the raging wall of water and horrific aftermath, and that was to pray.  Each day at dinner - yes we do share dinner together at the table when the kids are around - after saying grace, we say 3 Hail Marys - the first for our immediate family, the second for everyone we offered to pray for and - the third - for the world.  When friends are over we warn them they may have to warm up their plates by the time we've finished praying. We also invite the kids to explain what we are doing as a reminder of our good fortune.

 I can only imagine the desperation and the prayers many of those victims of violence and disaster are giving up with the sheer hope of being saved or spared further suffering.

Wow, I had no idea that this writing would come out as I sit in the screened in gazebo overlooking the creek listening to the breeze in the trees and the birds as they chirp, and caw and tweet signals to one another.  Do you ever wonder about your purpose in life?  Why you are planted where you are and what you're supposed to be doing?  I tend to get more caught up with the 'doing' side of things, endlessly questioning if I'm doing the right things and pondering if I should be trying to activate some new project or activity to fulfil my sense of purpose.

Then, sometimes, when I can quiet my mind and simply gaze outside I look a the almost majestic pines and other trees that have grown up and have now stood in the same spot in our backyard for decades.  They go nowhere and simply flourish where they were planted letting life, and their part in it, just happen.

Some days it's simply absorbing the warmth of the sun while getting their trunks and branches scratched by playful squirrels.  Other days it might include providing a nesting space for the birds and a coffee shop atmosphere as various species of birds stop in for a brief landing.  Then of course, there are those wildly windy days that can send their whole being to swaying and possibly the loss of limbs from time to time.  I guess sometimes our lives can be the same, and it's all about how open we can be to allow life to happen, flourish in the good times and be very, very flexible in the bad times.

It's at this time that I need to publicly apologize to my constant companion Maggie.  When I've mentioned her before, I had been quite critical of her having me carry her around while she didn't do anything at all.  Well, she's now up to 70 pounds - for those of you who may not know, Maggie is the imaginary friend who represents the weight gain I have experienced since increasing my meds to the current dose last October.  In an 'aha' moment caused by a close friend, I realized that while Maggie may not outwardly be doing anything, she is doing lots of work on the inside.  It seems as she grows, the cells in my liver reduce in size which is no small feat!

I need to be much more gracious and accepting of her in my life and to the prolonging of the quality of my life.  While I have strained or sprained a rib in the past few weeks and have been sidelined yet again from my exercising, I am learning that Maggie and I are still settling into a new sense of normal as it relates to physical function.  It seems to me that my body is much more fragile than it has been in the past and that my brain needs to process that fact.

One of the sad realities of my physical fragility is that I will not likely be in a position to hop on 'Oliver' - my little 250cc Yamaha Virago motorcycle and zip around town with Mike on his Ultra Classic Harley Davidson.  I will need to be content to be a well treated passenger who can enjoy the sights and sounds from a lazy boy like seat with surround sound.

 That being said, we did spend last weekend with our oldest stepdaughter, Krista, her husband Mike Jones (no relation to my Mike Jones) and her mom and husband Carol and John enjoying the activity of the 2014 national HOG rally held here in Kingston.  HOG being the Harley Owners Group.  With Ella being here for the weekend with Daddy Matt, again we were able to spend time together while enjoying the entertainment.

As I continue to ease into the reality of my retirement, I can almost feel the stress levels decrease like the slow leak in a tire simply becomes softer and less effective but can still often get to its destination without incident.  Compare that feeling to a blown up balloon without a knot being let go and flying around without direction, only to quickly fall to the floor, pretty much useless. When I was first diagnosed, the two greatest concerns included time with grandchildren and how much might I get, and the fervent hope to be able to enjoy at least some part of retirement after working responsibly for over 35 years to be self sufficient.

 These last two weeks of July have in fact been providing fulfilment of exactly those wishes, including watching a slippery pig competition with grandkids Ayden and Azlyn at the Lansdowne Fair.  Little kids with greased arms had to grab a piglet by its hind legs and drag it into a circle - only in Lansdowne!!

On that note I will leave you with that humorous image and wish you all the best for a great Civic Holiday here in Canada and a safe and happy start to the month of August.

Hugs,
Liz
'Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive'.