Brrrr - a new month called Augtober!

It seems we've gone from one of the nicest, hottest weeks of this summer to October like weather that causes us to pull out the fleece and seek shelter when the winds pick up reminding us of just who is in charge.

Most people I've talked to agree that this summer with its temperate climate, no hot blazing lazy days has actually created a sense that the time has passed ever more quickly than we expected.   Personally, as I get older or perhaps should I say more mature, I appreciate all kinds of weather and accept it more readily than ever before.  As long as I'm not cold to the bone, I feel much more content than always hoping and expecting hot sunny days that inevitably drive me outside to soak up the rays and play in the dirt of my ever expanding gardens.  I'd like to come back to that but as always the medical update is first on the list.

I continue to feel generally well which is almost miraculous in itself and I praise God for answering what is sure to be the many thousands of prayers He receives on my behalf on a regular basis.  'Maggie' has gained on average 7 pounds a month but continues to do her internal work on my system to keep the cells from growing and I'm ever grateful for that.  Needless to say my mobility and stamina are markedly slower and lower with energy levels a mere fraction of my former frantic and energetic self.

Now that I've officially retired though, it's not all bad.  What was a constant source of anxious activity has slowed to a more even and calm pace that allows for inner peace to shape my days.  There are no cat scans planned for the foreseeable future and my next appointment for a 'checkup' is early September so we'll see where we go from there.  I have no idea if there is a possibility to drain some of the fluid that keeps building from the Maggie meds.  We are trying a water pill along with significantly reduced sodium in my diet and counter intuitively - lots of fluids.
Along with regular physio appointments to loosen up the muscles that have become cramped and gnarled I've had to see the chiropractor for accidentally self imposed injuries from overdoing the exercises! The entire process of regaining some sense of reasonable mobility seems to be a stop start issue like traffic on the 401 through Toronto on a holiday weekend!  I just get moving then everything comes to a grinding halt to allow for recovery.  It then restarts at a snail's pace, offers promise of greater movement only to screech to another stop as I look too far ahead for a clear path to unencumbered progress.

A particularly enjoyable day was spent this summer with my very long time friend Susan who has an exquisite garden in her backyard oasis.  I've talked before about the notion that so many people like and need to help out when life hits the deep valleys of pain and grief.  My view is that those who have such a need simply think about what their own gifts are and offer something specific along those lines.  Such activity can create a lasting and truly heartwarming memory that will transcend the tests of time as was the case in my afternoon with Sue.

She offered and came over for an afternoon to review, suggest and dig up my gardens to better position those perennials that have become overgrown or, in some cases grown up from nowhere.  I understand better now that the abundance of birds and squirrels have much to do with nature's own garden arrangements.

I love to play in the dirt of the garden, a balm for the soul that somehow smooths out the erratic emotions that can wreak havoc when we are dealing with difficult situations.  Our ever expanding gardens include those I've created intended to be low maintenance with a clear sense of what should be present so I can clear out the non residents with confidence!

Those in the front of our house are a much greater challenge as the treasure maps left by the previous owner no longer represent the garden occupants since many new arrivals have shown up with me having little or no sense of their identity.  Susan and I had great fun in deciding what should stay, what should go and what would be better served by being moved to a better location.  She brought a perspective that helped me look at things very differently, much more orderly, and will remain with me each time I go out to keep the weeds at bay.  That afternoon will remain a Kodak moment in my mind and heart likely forever.

In response to my last post I had a couple of people email, both with similar responses about how we spend our time and the 'gift' of caring for loved ones that can bring with it unintended challenges that can sometimes surprise us.

One friend wrote that after 40 years of a self employed career and a 6 year rewarding experience of caring for a dearly loved partner, they were adrift when 'it all ended'.  Many days were spent simply sitting on the deck in the sun, pondering life's new purpose and wondering what activities were ahead.  Interestingly, one day during some heavy duty pondering, the epiphany came with a conclusion that they needed to do nothing that they didn't want to anymore!  Days continue to be filled, letting life happen, but at a much slower pace with acceptance that this is how life is meant to be at this stage - and it's ok.

We both agree that we all have a 'best before date' and nothing is going to prevent us from as they put it "shuffle off this mortal coil" or "pull down the curtain and go to join the choir invisible".  At that time we will know that our contribution has been as planned by God, no more and no less.  Your purpose is preordained.  Enjoy each day.  It is as it should be.  I thank Laurence for his dry sense of humour and permission to share the content of his last email (these two paragraphs) as we discuss and debate the content of my posts.

One of the funniest parts of his messages is how the rosary beads are 'smokin' with all the activity and how cartons have to be ordered to replace those being worn out by prayer!!!!

Another friend pondered the experience of caring for aging parents which, while different from caring for a spouse,  brings its own set of challenges and rewards.  I recall my own Dad's failing health with a few lasting lessons learned.  He spent 83 days in hospital, symbolically marking each year of his life passing away at age 83.  At the time, there was exhaustion, inability to deal with everything we've been used to and dare I say, a hint of resentment of the demands on our time and energy.  The overriding and permanent sense of doing the right thing will easily replace any negative thoughts that may have intruded at the time.

I learned that I had to allow my world to shrink to a manageable size that included a large portion devoted to time with my Dad.  It was very difficult to watch my super-hero, my all knowing, fully capable person who was invincible, become frail and weak as the inevitable circle of life continued to take away his health.  One of the hardest things of course I learned was to NOT try to control the outcomes - pure crazy making at its best if one should attempt it.  For those of us wired to be hyper-responsible, it's very hard for others to help because we create this larger than life persona leaving others helpless in their desired efforts to come to our aid.  I learned to dare to walk in my own vulnerability and opening up to the support that was available from friends, family and professionals practitioners.  I learned that it was important to back off and give my Dad the time and space to get on with the process of dying without me hovering like an incessant helicopter, or worse, a mosquito buzzing in his consciousness day and night.  I learned that as difficult a process as this was, it was one of the most rewarding periods of my entire life.  It's almost like the toughest times are those that earn us the badges for our banner of life that we can look back on with the full knowledge that we've done something worthwhile in the life of another.

I recently read that August is 'legacy month' which surprised me as it hadn't occurred to me that a summer month would carry such a serious message.  It used to be that November was 'make a will month' to encourage the snow birds to review and update their estate plans before heading south.  The subject is of great interest to me especially as it was an important part of my job while at the Hospital Foundation.  I plan to look into this a little further and discuss it in my next post as I strongly feel it is worth comment.

There are so many differing views, likely as many as there are people who need to consider their legacy which includes all of us!  Many people think it's about how much money you have but if we can encourage everyone to think about it in a greater context, we could make a huge difference in the world around us.  It's about our values, the lessons we pass on to others and so much more.  Enough said about it for now and I'll be back to you at the end of August.......thank you for taking the time to read this message, hope it provided a little bit of food for thought.

Until next time, God bless and enjoy the rest of the summer.....

Hugs,
Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gift we can receive."