Summer Musings .....

It's been a most interesting couple of weeks since my last post, lots of food for thought that can be served up like a special home cooked meal made of comfort food for the soul.  I am a couple of days late in sitting down to provide an update but I know you'll understand when I tell you my 'relentless friend' Carol Ann dragged me off to the family cottage from Monday to Thursday of this week.  It was a lovely spot shared by 7 siblings and their families and extended families.

While the weather changed like commercials on tv, we managed to take a pedal boat around the tiny lake before the next rain shower.

 It was surprisingly easy given my physical limitations that I was able to pedal most of the way around even without 'Maggie's' help!  (remember my imaginary 60 pound 6 year old?).

A quiet day during the week out on the water and you could almost hear the peals of laughter of children enjoying the water and jumping off docks without a care in the world.  A lonesome loon serenaded us with song for a time, its echoing sound finding its way into the depths of our souls.

We had a delightful visit last weekend from my stepson Ryan, his wife Niki and one year old daughter Lauren!  They together with my son Matt, his friend Jaclyn and his soon to be three year old daughter Ella had a wonderful time at our house, connecting and playing and watching the two cousins explore a new relationship with one another.  I would include a photo but have yet to figure out all the aspects of downloading and cross loading and uploading which is why I have been tending to use images from the internet - at least I've sort of mastered that one technique!!!!  Yet I watch these near infants press all sorts of buttons without a care in the world and actually access apps and programs that I have yet to discover!

Medically, I continue to feel well, realize that I will have days when I feel good and others when I feel like a beached whale waiting for someone to come along and push me back in the water so I can relax in the buoyancy of my surroundings.
 No follow up appointments until the fall, just continued physio to improve the core strength that was stripped out by 3 surgeries in less than a year, front to back!

A further development has been that I was required to apply for a disability pension through my employer and, if approved, decide if I would accept it and officially retire from my employment at the hospital.  Without going into great detail about the musts, maybes, choices and possibilities, I did sign off to retire and handed in my I.D., my parking pass having mentally passed that milestone.

When I went on medical leave on August 1, 2012, at that time I had been working 35 years full time plus so I guess God said 'that's enough'; I have a new challenge for you in life.  Oh, and I have agreed to have a retirement party.  The main reason for that is that there will be no wake or visitation when I finally depart this earth - I'd rather get to see everyone while I'm alive and this is an ideal excuse for a party!  Doesn't it make far more sense to have a chance to see everyone in person rather than have your family be inundated, possibly with people they don't know creating an awkward situation for everyone?  Everyone has many better things to do with their time than feeling forced into an event that is just fulfilling some sense of obligation.

One day recently while driving through town, listening to the Christian Radio Station (Mars Hill Network on 94.7), a discussion was taking place about the 'sandpaper people' that God allows in to our lives.  You know the ones - those who no matter what they say or do, just seems to rub us the wrong way.   The ones who, when you see them coming, you wish there was a hole that could open up and swallow either them or you - either would be a welcome relief from having to face another assault from someone you find totally abrasive.

The lesson of the session was how it's precisely these people who help to buff the edges off of US, and allow us to grow as individuals.  I've often heard that everyone we come into contact is a tiny reflection of ourselves and what we see includes qualities, traits, and yes even faults that we ourselves display to others.  You've heard the saying 'the faults we find in others are usually those we ourselves have'?  Depending on your mood or frame of mind of course, you can be open to a little polishing, or be totally averse and make every effort to push the individual as far away as possible.  Have you ever thought about who those 'sandpaper people' are in your life and how you react to them?  I know I have several of those people and have decided that during this time of healing, it's just as important to get the emotional side of me looked after as the physical so am bracing myself that when they show up, I just have to let them come through like a storm on an otherwise calm day and embrace the elements they bring into my life.  Once they leave again, hopefully I will be a little smoother and easier to deal with as well.

In Father Leo's homily a couple of weeks ago, he talked about a conversation he had with his sister about how she was coping generally in life as it was close to the anniversary of a loss.  In her early life she'd lost a 3 year old son and only a year or so ago, a 21 year old grandson in a tragic accident.  She remains a devout Catholic despite these losses and in response to her brother's question, she responded, "What we don't transform, we transmit".

I was struck by the power of that statement and have been pondering those experiences in my life that I may be hanging onto that might be causing me to 'transmit' long harboured feelings of loss, rejection or resentment.  Wow!
Each one of us has an opportunity to examine those areas of our lives and perhaps allow those sandpaper people to help us transform the negative feelings into something more positive and hopeful.  After all, we can only change ourselves and our reactions to what goes on around us.

Since these two poignant messages entered my mental air space, a third thought came to me in light of my own illness and that of the son of a very close friend.  I've written before about how we are encouraged to remember that when we are at our weakest and most vulnerable, that's when we are closest to God.  Please remember that I choose to refer to God because that is my belief system, and you may have some other reference point so feel free to refer to whatever works for you.

I can't help but think that as my life progressed, and I found less and less satisfaction in the material world, that I became willing to become an instrument of God and His work here on earth.  In fact, I know that more than once, in fact many times over the past few years, an effort has been made to more purposefully allow His will to be done in my life than my own.  After all, I went through a number of years in my younger days, when I thought I could do everything myself and often found life quite challenging.  The more I let go of what I want or think I need, the easier life becomes because whatever happens doesn't have to fit the black and white, rigid boxes that I had constructed for the plans for my life.

 I've become much more content to walk the flowing path of shades of grey that allow me to see many more perspectives and opportunities of life.

So where am I going with this?  Is it possible that my illness and the serious illness of my friend's son  (for example) has been allowed into our lives because we are willing to let God work through us to help others deal with their own life issues?  If this is the case, doesn't it change everything?  Doesn't it put us in a place of privilege we never thought possible?  Doesn't it give those around us a whole different perspective of what you are witnessing and experiencing and feeling?  If you can just open yourself up to the possibility of what God might be trying to do in your life through my experience, think of what might happen.  Who knows what might be transformed in your life to improve the transmissions that you send out every day to those around you.  When I embrace this line of thinking, I experience traces of that feeling of euphoria that have been entering my consciousness with greater frequency.  One day, I also realized that we cannot possibly be exposed to the rapture that comes after this life because our human selves don't have the capacity to absorb it.  What we can do though, is make an effort every day, through gratitude and good works, get just a taste or glimpse of that indescribable feeling of completeness.  Pretty deep stuff for what you may have hoped would be a light hearted update on a hot day in July!  As I've mentioned before, most often I have simply the kernel of an idea and let the Holy Spirit come and pop the magic out of it by way of these writings.

I hope that you are enjoying life accepting what is happening and being open to the grace that is available to each of us every day.  Remember, it can't be earned, it's simply ours for the asking.

Take care and travel safe if you're out on the roads or in the air .....

Hugs
Liz

'Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive'.