Half Way to Next Scan...

Not sure where time goes, especially now that over a year has passed since working full time.  It's quite amazing how much you can fit into a day, or not - something like the time fits the activity or the activity fits the time.  It's also likely partly why I do feel so relatively well, mostly because of the prayers I'd say, but partly because the demands on my time have shrunk so significantly.

I am going to try to post an update every couple of weeks or so as long as anyone is interested and as I feel inspired.  These last couple of weeks have been busier than usual, Mike developed a staff infection in his hip (hopefully under control since we tackled it right away) and his son may have a fracture in his ankle for the second time and is currently on crutches and an air cast!  The rest of the kids and grandkids are fine, thank you!

As you know if you've been following my blog, we doubled my meds again on October 15th and the only drawback is the fluid retention - 27 pounds weight gain and still counting!!!!  We're trying a 'water pill' even though it hasn't had great results with this type of condition.

I'm still not at the maximum dose so after the scan on November 28th, we will have a further consult to discuss next steps.  During my appointment this past Tuesday, we discussed how I'd like everyone on the care team to remain as positive as possible.  I know and understand the reality of the situation I'm in.  At any time cells can show up somewhere else and that over time they may not be able to arrest the growth of the cells in my liver.  But in the meantime, which is where we live every day, let's remain positive and hopeful.  I am functioning relatively normally within a whole new paradigm but we all have to cope with change - sometimes temporary, sometimes permanent, as it seems is the case with me, so the better we can adjust the better our lives will be.

Perhaps as a coping mechanism, I seem to be able to 'fast forward' to a place where I look back onto the current situation and say to myself, 'See there was nothing to worry about'.  It's a strange sensation but one that brings a sense of serenity to the whole experience.  Maybe it has something to do with the growing sense of trust in God (or whoever your higher power is) and truly letting go of the outcome.

In doing further self examination though, I've been able to identify that there are little things in life that I really do want to go a certain way and that if they don't I seem to wear a shield of irritation. That has led to a change in my daily conversations with God and His entourage, the many saints that can provide intervention.  Instead of just asking for 'Acceptance of God's Will for my Life with a Wise and Understanding Heart', it is now 'Total Acceptance of God's Will for All aspects of my Life (notice not just the health or medical side) with a Wise and Understanding heart'.  That way hopefully, the little things that drive me crazy can be morphed into an image of sand-like buffers that are wearing down the sharp edges of my being. It just makes things so much easier on a daily basis.

I've learned that the more specific I become in wanting certain outcomes, the greater the risk of disappointment.  When I focus on leaving things in God's hands, I seem to be able to cope much better. Oh, I really should mention one of the other side effects of increasing the meds - a temporary spike in mood swings!  While I've tried to relabel it 'Positive Mind Set', we still wonder if it's more like 'Pound Michael Syndrome' where every little thing becomes magnified exponentially for a period of time.  Once it settles down, we seem to get back on a more even keel again.

Thank you again to everyone who has continued to be supportive and helpful as we continue our Adventures!  I am contemplating the next post to be about the 'Urge to Purge' and the magical outcomes that we've experienced as a result.

And special thanks to my friend Jon Begg who tinkered with the blogsite to make it more attractive and reader friendly.  Now if I can just follow his lead.  Thanks Jon!  Until next time…….
God Bless…..