The Loss of a Sibling, Suddenly but Peacefully - RIP

My brother Andrew (Andy) Ratkai, passed away Wednesday, May 23rd, suddenly but peacefully in his sleep from a heart attack due to diabetic complications.  He was 63.  I am submitting this post as soon as was possible and continue to thank you for your prayers during this difficult time.  Somehow I was able to include a photo of Andy's motorcycle but not one of him!  Being the consummate photographer he'd just shake his head at me.  I will post one when I can figure it out, techno peasant I continue to be.

What I was trying to avoid, unsuccessfully, was an acute physical health crisis during this time, which ended up happening this past Sunday night about 3 in the morning.  From being woken up with off the charts pain in my abdomen and back, nausea (but not the flu kind), clammy cold sweats all to the point of getting a same day appointment with my doctor, off to KGH for further checking.  My own suspicion of stress induced physical pain was likely the best explanation but took me from being fully functional for the past two weeks to flat on my back most of this week.  Hence the delay in writing.

What started as a lovely day weather wise, a good workout at the pool and a little rest on the couch turned upside down when a knock came at the door about 3 p.m.  A police officer was standing on the porch with Mike ushering him inside.  Staring into the officer's eyes, I could only wonder what I had done.  Had I run a red light on the way home from the pool?  Only when he said they'd received a call from the North Bay Police did I know something was drastically wrong.  Before that thought was even complete, he stated my brother had passed away.  With a deer in the headlights look all I could say was I didn't know what to say or what to do.

We were left with a number to call the police in North Bay, learned a little more about what happened.  After a while received a call from the coroner to learn the cause of death, after which, we decided rather than sit and look at one another, we contacted our kids then headed to Pembroke to spend the night with Kirk and Lynda (brother in law on the Dobbs side).  They were as gracious as always and saw us off Thursday morning to start the process of picking up the pieces, making decisions and gathering information.

You may or may not know, my brother and I were each other's only next of kin, first generation Canadian having been raised by our Dad from ages 6 and 5, on his own, never having remarried.  We grew up in Port Colborne on the shores of Lake Erie living life as typical kids in the '60's.  The odd dynamic of course was living with a single parent, our Dad.  No our mother did not pass away.  She had the foresight to leave us with our Dad as she went on to find herself as an artist.  The stability needed by young children would better be provided leaving us in his care.  Life carried on, we ended up in the same grade and, after a stint in high school, Andrew quit at 18 to join the military. I've written about his many accomplishments despite not completing secondary school until a mature student.    Andrew had married but divorced in 2003 without children and was on his own having retired from the military for the second time in 2015.  We'd lived apart for more than 45 years, him moving with postings as assigned and me with work at the bank, so our paths would not cross for many months at a time.

Once Mike came into my life and met my brother, they became fast friends, either emailing or talking on the phone at least once a week.  It was such a blessing to see Mike enjoying interaction with my larger than life, slightly older brother.  They shared a sense of humour I'll never understand and could talk for ages about anything mechanical, especially when it came to motorcycles.  At our wedding, I had our mutual friend Stephanie and my son Matt stand up for me and Mike had his brother Pat and my brother Andrew, stand up for him.  All of our children walked down the aisle with us creating a perfect family affair.

Andrew had lived in North Bay for over 15 years and made friends and acquaintances all along the way.  He retired from the Reserves at 60 in 2015 but had long before declared North Bay as his home.
It was wonderful to see so many people from the community, the military and the motorcycle crowd join together to pay their respects.  We got to learn many things about Andrew he had never shared.  He was known as a kind, sharing, generous person (we knew that part), willingly helping wherever needed, volunteering his time and expertise not only when asked, but when he detected someone could use help.  He became 'security in the wings' for the staff who worked at the Variety Store/Diner two blocks from his home.  Pinehill Variety has many daily patrons, Andrew included, who became their self appointed security guard on many late evenings.  They may not even have been totally aware of his role.

Pinehill is a quaint, 'corner store' in the middle of a residential neighbourhood, totally nostalgic in its packed shelves, close quarters and, best of all, an L shaped lunch counter with two two seater tables and one six seater.  The regulars come by at their pre-established times, often just for morning coffee or that plus breakfast.  Andrew could often be found seated in the corner in the mornings but definitely every day at 3 p.m. for his cup of tea.  He never did drink coffee.  We've frequented Pinehill on every visit to North Bay, watching the antics and bantering between staff and customers.  It was like being in an oldies sitcom straight from the '60's.

Something we sort of knew but not to the extent was my brother's attention to detail.  No wonder we didn't see eye to eye on many things.  He was detail oriented to the nth degree whereas I have always looked at the big picture with a view to figuring things out as we go.  He worked all winter on disassembling a Drifter 800 motorcycle he'd bought last October and putting it back together one piece at a time, totally changing its look.  He had a three ring binder at least 3 inches thick with every page in page protectors, creating an entire handbook for the bike.  All he'd had left to do was put the chain on with plans to ride it, I believe, in this year's Ride for Dad in North Bay coming up June 16th.  As it turned out no one he knew had the tool he needed so he ordered it online.  It arrived the day his neighbour found him.  Mike ended up finishing the job and rode both of Andrew's motorcycles to the funeral home for the Celebration of Life.

Since he didn't have a garage, was becoming almost crippled with arthritic knees and ankles, my brother did the only sane thing anyone living on their own would do.  He took the doors off his house, got a ramp and stored them both in the living room keeping him occupied for hundreds of hours as he tinkered away.  The final look of the bike named 'Raven', is that of the Steampunk genre.  Yes, I had to look it up online too.  Fascinating combination of the start of the Industrial Revolution and Science Fiction.  One of those things that makes you go 'Hmmmm'.  Below is a photo of 'Raven' .

On the day of the Celebration of Life, Mike was cleaning both 'Red' and 'Raven' but as he was cleaning Red, the one with spoked wheels, he got frustrated (rare for Mike) and thought to himself, 'this is why I don't have a bike with spokes', they're too hard to clean!  Within minutes, the garden hose from next door burst open with water shooting as high as the roof and coming down squarely onto Mike and the bike.  All we could do was laugh as we believe it was Andy's way of letting Mike know what he thought!

While we found a self penned obituary the day following the Celebration of Life, we'd already had the reception only to find he didn't want a visitation as he was afraid no one would come.  I couldn't help but republish Andy's obituary using his words with some clarification.  As it turned out dozens and dozens of friends from North Bay, the military and motorcycle communities with a couple even driving from Indiana and another from Sault Ste. Marie.  He sure would have been surprised by the people who came to pay their respects.

A key element of the day was to avoid any formalities at all.  When he retired from the military he hadn't wanted any sort of going away fete, and so things were carefully arranged to put the full focus on friends to be able to come together, share stories, pay their respects and bring closure in their own hearts.

A couple of retired military friends were seated in the refreshment room leafing through my brother's scrap book.  They laughed saying they'd planned to leave an hour earlier but were fascinated with the contents of Andy's book.  It brought back fond memories for both of them which would made Andrew happy.   I found it a great idea too and suggested to them it could be a winter project, one which I have started on.  Notice I haven't said completed!  They both said how they had so many certificates, articles and photos but never did much with them.

We spent several days, twice now to gather information, sort through details with a close friend of Andrew's as we say farewell to the last chapter of his life.  One that, despite many years of terrible pain and suffering, was well lived with a heart as big as his larger than life character.  Anyone reading this who knew Andy would heartily agree.

Take care, Rest in Peace and God Speed.

Lots of love and hugs,
Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."