To 'Pity City' and Back

Were you one of us who wondered, with awe, how this weekend could possibly be the long weekend in August!  August?  While the days of summer 2016 so far have been of the brain frying variety, it seems like we've arrived within the blink of an eye at the Civic Holiday.

Last Wednesday was chemo treatment #16, the final one of this round scheduled for this week, and, coincidentally, on the 4th anniversary of first being diagnosed, that being August 3, 2012.  Is it significant?  Does it have any special meaning?  Is there some symbolism attached?  I guess one could look at all kinds of meanings and ordinarily I would as well.  Not this time.  Why you might ask?  Aren't I the one who will read just about anything into a random set of numbers just to fit some far flung theory about just about anything?  The truth of the matter is that after the final treatment this coming week, we have to take a break for, I don't know how long, to prevent any nasty inflictions on the bone marrow.  In fact no one knows, for sure, just where we are headed at this point.  There is no official protocol in terms of whether a cat scan is to be done after the final cycle, it's up to the physician and patient to decide.  At my doctor's appointment on the 19th I was given 'homework' which is to decide if I would like a cat scan done.  My reaction surprised even me at how I didn't want to feel like I was being 'written off' and that there was no hard and fast 'plan' going forward.  Welcome to world of cancer, yet again.  No certainties, lots of waiting, being at the mercy of the rogue cells which will choose when and if they will intrude.  We agreed, myself and my doc,  a decision on a further cat scan will be done once we have the CA125 blood test results for mid-late July.  It appears the numbers have levelled off, meaning the treatment has been effective, done what's it's supposed to do, so a break is definitely in order.  My own view right now is that if further chemo is not an option right now, if we were to do a cat scan, what would be done if something untoward showed up?  I guess we will all stay tuned to get the answer.

Perhaps for the first time since starting this blog, I will confess that I've gone to 'Pity City' for a few days over these past couple of weeks.  My friend Martha told me about this place where most people go, sometimes on a regular basis.  Even me, although I've constantly voiced my opposition to such a visit.  She describes it as a place we can go to when dealing with misfortune or troubles, remembering though,  no one lives in 'Pity City'.  It's only a tourist destination and we all must return after spending just the appropriate amount of time dealing with our problems.  Her comment to me was 'perhaps I hadn't spent enough time there', to fully immerse myself and release the anxious feelings harbouring in my heart and soul.  I'd never heard such a description and have to admit, yes I've been there very recently.

My ticket back from 'Pity City' came in the form of a simple question at Mass this past week.  Fr. Leo asked if we have ever had the feeling of being 'clay in God's Hands'.  Have we gone through an experience where He is moulding and shaping our lives into quite a different one than we'd been used to?  Well, quite literally I can agree with the statement having been physically changed over the past two years to the point of people who've known me for 30+ years, not recognizing me from 3 feet away.  Hearing it put in such a way though, made it far more acceptable almost leaving me with a curiosity for what He has in mind for my future.  A comment from my son Matt recently was also reassuring.  He said that in looking at pictures from when I was 'skinny', he can hardly associate with them and me, and I looked much more like a grandma in my current form.

This is going to be a shorter post than usual given that I'm sure everyone wants to enjoy the weather and the company of friends and family.  Even if your choice is to simply take it easy and read a book that has long been calling your name, take some time to do what you like.  My plan is to finish up and reacquaint myself with a book I started reading weeks ago but have left aside while supposedly busy with other things.  I must be getting into the real swing of the true sense of retirement, taking much longer to do things and truly not caring about what doesn't get done or when.  I also know there were a couple of other topics I would like to have touched on but they escape me for the moment so I will leave well enough alone and hopefully make notes before the next post.  Take care and have fun doing whatever you may choose.  Today is the Feast of St. Ignatius of Loyola, one of my heroes, so I will make time today or tomorrow, or the day following to catch up on some of his writings.

Take care and God Bless,
Hugs
Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".









When working imagined how delightfull it would be to soak up the sun and  enjoy the heat every chance you get.