Lazy brains (days) of July........

I'd like to start today by telling you that all is quiet on the medical front.  I've had the past week off and been able to enjoy the sunshine and heat outdoors.  This coming Wednesday is the start of cycle 6 of chemo meaning there are 3 treatments left until major break time.  It's interesting to observe myself and my feelings especially since I'm the one who has chosen not to project too far into the future.  Yet there's a small, still voice inside wondering 'well now what', that 'now' being after the treatment is finished.  My understanding is that we will wait and see, do bloodwork on some regular basis and if a maintenance program is in order, then we proceed.  The reality is that we will continue to live each day, make short term plans with the understanding things could change at any time.  Having said that, isn't that how everyone should live?  I suppose it does make sense to have long term plans when there aren't any known obstacles to get in the way.

This past week we've learned of three people we know who passed away, if peacefully, certainly not as expected.  It leaves me wondering what the experience is like.  While I hate to admit it, despite my strong faith, there is a tiny niggling fear of passing to the great beyond.  Perhaps the unknown, perhaps anticipated 'darkness' even though we've all heard lots about going to the light, perhaps the notion of travelling into the great unknown by ourselves even though we've all heard about our loved ones waiting for us or even coming to welcome us.  I've thought about what the act of dying might be like and achieved a sort of 'aha' moment in the process.  I know that left to the imagination, we dream up all sorts of possibilities, most of which would likely never happen.  With that in mind, in an effort to let go, I was able to go to a place of faith and trust that God will arrange things in such a way as to make it as easy as possible.  It will probably be a very logical and efficient experience.  Who knows? As Mohamed Ali answered during an interview with Barbara Walters about whether he feared death, he said he was not afraid of the actual dying, but rather afraid of knowing he was going to die.  It sort of made sense to me.

My hope is that we will have some time before my number is called by St. Peter to experience at least some of Mike's retirement time.  At this moment I don't recall if I've shared this news but sure I must have.  September 30th is the magic day with 5 weeks vacation to be taken between mid August and mid September.  Then back to work for two weeks and so long!  Today happens to be his 38th anniversary of employment with the great Ma Bell.

We ended the month of June with a tour of Kingston Penitentiary which proved to be most interesting and satisfied the decades long, rather morbid curiosity.  Having passed such a notorious institution for over 30 years without so much as a glimpse beyond the massive front doors, it peaked our interest to finally get a chance to 'peek' inside.  I'd be curious to know if there would be sufficient, ongoing interest to actually create 'Alcatraz North' as a tourist destination.  While the tour dates sold out very quickly, one might wonder about the sustainability of a permanent opportunity.  The other thing that surprised me was that there were only 20 people on each tour.  I haven't done the math to figure out how many people it was on a daily basis but I'll leave that up to someone else to ponder.  The entire tour was sobering enough to remind us that such an environment is nothing to romanticize; be thankful to not have been exposed to the inmates when they were residents of 370 King St. W.

The month of July has truly started out as one of lazy, hazy days of summer.  Many days have been so warm that it's difficult to spend any amount of time outdoors despite love of heat.  I realized though, that for all of my adult life, most days were spent indoors at work with no possibility of enjoying the wonderful weather.  The funny thing used to be that on arriving home, I would be anxious to get outside.  Mike on the other hand, having worked outside all day every day, was just as anxious to get inside!  I must admit it is nice to get up and take my time to do or not do.  Mondays have become 'nothing on the calendar' days and practice simply enjoying life without checking the never ending list of things to do.  I get to pick and choose depending on my mood but it feels like the many years of anxious doing may have finally taken flight as I relax into simply being.

Perhaps the best part is not having so many plans that they have to be juggled like circus balls but rather leaving a relatively clean slate so that the best and most fun things to do have a chance of being considered.  While it may seem like a slight shift in daily living, it sure seems to flow more easily in our world.  As I reflect on the past couple of weeks, it's how we've allowed things to unfold.  While at times busy, everything that we did has provided us with lots of joy.  Far less 'have to do' and far more 'want to do'.  Interesting how it's taken over thirty years to get to this much nicer place.  Some of you may not understand what I'm trying to say because you've been doing what you like for much longer than we have.

I'm going to leave you know with peaceful thoughts about how you might be enjoying your summer and finding joy in each day that we're given.

Take care, lots of hugs,

Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."