Head, Heart, Happy, Sad ...... Up, Down and All Around

How many times in our lives have we declared the phrase "No news is good news"?  Do we really believe it or is there that tiny niggling feeling that a positive validation of whatever we've been worrying about would help us along the path of faith?

 After all it's believing without seeing that is the cornerstone of faith.  What I'm leading up to with this is that last Friday, July 24th I had bloodwork done after a routine doctor's visit.  We checked my records and already a year has rolled by since we last poked and prodded to check out the status of my physical well being much like a car being checked for proper oil levels, pressures and lubricants.  Well, we are one week further into this fabulous hot summer and no phone call related to the results has been received.  That deserves a happy dance especially since it includes monitoring sugar levels and liver function - likely the most important considerations.

Weight is up yet again and the dragon of vanity continues to breathe down my neck making some days especially hot.  It's a vicious circle of trying to control appetite while being as active as possible only to succumb to periods of aches and pains combined with deep seated fatigue.  Yes, at this point, these are the worst of my physical challenges as you've heard seemingly over and over and by now you'd think I would be 'over it' and settled into a nice new routine.  Do you suppose a deep seated streak of stubbornness is influencing my behaviour?  I've long lived with the attitude "Don't tell me I can't!" Only now I really can't do whatever I want, be as active as I want and single handedly accomplish all that I want.  I guess I need to have a few more meetings with myself to discuss how to better want what I have rather than have what I want, a theme raised in my last post.

It's like being distracted by concerns that are almost deliberately being thrown in your path just when things were starting to improve.  The last couple of weeks have been difficult emotionally with the slightest matters lighting up like the fires out west.

You think you have turned a corner and put out the flames only to look back and have a spark flare up in exactly the same place you've just doused with a couple of doses of common sense and maturity.  There is a fairly strong position taken by strong Christians who say that as we progress and move to higher levels of understanding and increased faith, the enemy is there ready to do whatever it takes to fan the flames of unrest and self doubt.  I personally have been feeling that if I can have peace in my heart I can deal with the physical issues that come my way.  Of late, I'm thinking I might need to go a step further and figuratively put on the 'Armour of God' to protect myself.  I'd never heard of this before I started more actively pursuing my faith development.

It's outlined in Ephesians 6:10-17:

"...be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power.  ...Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness.  As shoes for  your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace.  With all these, take the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the flaying arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."  

I'm not trying in any way to push ideas or beliefs out to you but rather exploring ideas that are becoming of increasing importance in my own life.  As someone pointed out to me, this is my space to say what I'd like, speak my mind and put thoughts and ideas out there for consideration.  As we all know, when life is ticking along like a well oiled timepiece, we seldom have need to seek reassurance  or help from outside of ourselves.  When life is turned upside down, well suddenly that seems to be the time that we invite divine intervention with all sorts of promises and commitments made in the hope of restoration of what we know as normal.

  As is the case with many people, a new normal needs discovery due to permanent changes in our lives like the loss of a loved one.  For those whose lives do return to a familiar place, often those promises made in the chaos of stress are forgotten as the routine of daily life creeps back in with so much taken for granted.

One thing I am trying to do is not take things for granted but rather absorb the sights and sounds of everyday living and allow myself to marvel at the miracles of nature and this world around me.  The Circle of Life over these past couple of weeks have provided ample opportunity to observe wondrous events.  In our own 'immediate extended family', we've celebrated birth, birthdays, a graveside service in the glorious sunshine, visits from family, lunch with old friends (as in long time), prayers of concern turned into prayers of gratitude (no cancer diagnosis), grandkids for overnight visits and more.

Maybe I need to get a fill up at the station of gratitude and take a long drive to really allow all the good things in my life to sink in while of course wearing my air conditioned suit of armour. After all I'm determined to stay on the positive side of life and do whatever it takes to fend off the allure of self pity and discouragement.  'Poor Me' has no place in my world but Lord knows it's been picking away at me like a scab that can't be ignored.  I've even wondered who (or what) has invaded my body in the last couple of weeks relentlessly in pursuit of inner turmoil. My deepest sympathy to those who are closest to me (yes that means mainly you Mike).  Do you ever have that feeling that if you could just jump around and shake it off, things would get better more quickly?  Unfortunately it seems that once you're in the grips of that desolation, no amount of self talk, encouragement or endless meetings with self can budge that sense of discomfort.  It's like we need to ride it out, allow ourselves to feel the depths of those dismal emotions, holding on with all our might to the belief that with faith and courage we will feel better soon and not be relegated to this place forever.  Put another way, it's like our head knows exactly what's going on and can be totally rational while our hearts are in the grips of a rusty wrench that can't be budged.

 In fact, I recall one such experience when I dared to fully allow the desperation to wash over me without knowing what was causing it and simply to experience the sheer agony of a dark ride down yet another rabbit hole.  What I can continue to reflect on from that one incident is that, as time went on, the depth and darkness came less often and with less frequency.  It's like we have to go through those frightening places only to come out better, more confident and secure in our knowledge of ourselves and those who care for us.

I'm not too sure where this post is coming from but have prayed like I do, every time I sit down to write, inviting the Holy Spirit to use my hands to get His message through to those who may have an interest in what He may have to communicate.

 I'm not sure if I shared this with you in the past but during the last faith development course I took, we learned that the Holy Spirit is within all of us and by learning to know and love the Holy Spirit, we become transformed and we can, in the words of the traditional prayer to the Holy Spirit, help "renew the face of the earth." (Symbolon - The Catholic Faith Explained, Augustine Institute).

My hope is that you haven't been dragged down too far into the depths of despair but rather can identify in some small way with the feelings that I'm sure we all have from time to time.  It's in our efforts to suppress and repress our feelings of desolation that contribute to the increasing steam in the pressure cooker of life.  Isn't it ironic to consider a pressure cooker given the horrific uses they have taken on in the past couple of years in the death and maiming of innocent people?

 This post has been somewhat of a daring adventure in sharing feelings other than what can sometimes be my Pollyanna attitude of positivity.  If you have been following and been able to read to the end of this message, please accept my sincere thanks and gratitude for your support in allowing me to say it like it is for me at this particular point in time.

In a couple of weeks I'm hopeful that there will be a bouncing message of happiness, joy and sheer gratitude for my continued survival in this world we call home.  Take care, God Bless and talk to you soon.

Hugs
Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".