A Time of Turning Leaves and Pages of Life

The changing of the leaves this fall have been nothing short of spectacular.  I looked up the cause since I've forgotten my Grade 7 or 5 Science  classes and it has something to do with photosyntheses, light and dark.  As Ella and I were driving to Grandma's house we marvelled at all the colours on the way.  At 3, she pointed out that the leaves changed colour because of the rain and I thought 'that works for me'.  Later that same day we went down to the playhouse that overlooks the creek in order to crank up the imagination.

We found a lovely, clean, new bucket in the garden shed, filled it from the hose and proceeded to make 'garden soup'.  It included apples about an inch in diameter, lots of grass, pulled fresh from the yard along with twigs and stems for extra flavour.   Admittedly the truth was that if we were to try the soup, it would taste 'yucky' but it was fun to make and wonder if the backyard residents might try it while it was simmering over the past couple of weeks.

After our Thanksgiving weekend survival series, I've made an effort to allow for additional self care and not let the calendar be filled with never ending activity.  As we headed toward the time change to 'fall back', it seems at times that emotions can fall back as well.  After all, for my son Matt, Thanksgiving was the last time he saw his Dad, 12 years ago and his last surviving grandparent (my Dad), 10 years ago, them having passed away on October 27th and October 17th respectively.  Mike's mom passed away 20 years ago on October 14th, the day after her birthday.  That makes the last two weeks of October somewhat of a melancholy and sensitive time.

This year also included several funerals which bring those former losses to the surface yet again.

That brings me to the notion of my own physical state and the whole issue of mortality.  I continue to remain stable and will decide, along with my oncologists, in January, when I might have another Cat Scan.  I know there are times I'm repeating myself so bear with me as I weave these facts into this post.  My last doctor's visit with my GP revealed that my weight gain seems to be levelling off - hallelujah - praise God! Since the end of July I've only gained 5 pounds whereas I'd been gaining an average of 7 pounds a month since last October.   I used to be 60 pounds lighter than my husband Michael, and now I weight 10 pounds more!  In my efforts to incorporate some physical exercise into my days, I am somewhat hampered by the rods attached to my spine to be able to bend backward and my belly blossom from bending forward - it's quite funny when you think of it.

What I'm not doing though, is actively dying. Every day I get up with a view to actively live without putting the pressure of constant busyness on my agenda.  In yet another recent reading, I read about how, it is in the ordinariness of daily living that we open ourselves to the grace of God to work through us.  It's almost a dichotomy that maybe the less we try to force ourselves to do, the greater the desired outcome that we will experience.

I'm still sort of convinced that God allowed me to experience these adventures - please note He did not cause them, a very important distinction - to help me get off the hamster wheel and have an opportunity to experience my life as I'm to live it, rather than the life I allowed in doing so many things that others wanted or asked me to do.  That sort of behaviour creates an imposter facade, where, in my efforts to do what everyone else expected, led to a loss of my own identity and left me wondering who I really am.  When I was at my top physical form 3-5 years ago and life was going very well, there continued to be a deep inner longing that nothing seemed to be able to fill.

The past two years has provided me the opportunity to explore what life is really all about and to give myself permission to do what I want to do - even if it means projects half finished.  More on that momentarily.  So you see this whole cancer thing - ok, I've said the word has allowed me to have adventures that otherwise would have been crowded out by the never ending list of must do's.

In recent weeks, I have been drawn into a project through our church that appears to have come at a very opportune time.  A tiny group of volunteers - 4 to be exact - have been working on evangelizing through the Nativity.  Tony, the founder and tireless leader has made inroads into the school system with the tenacity and passion of a true disciple.  What started with a request from a grade 2 teacher to help a class create Nativity sets to decorate, Tony has managed to build the concept to a place where it has become part of the Catholic school curriculum incorporating religion, art and technology.  Children get to glue together little Nativity sets and decorate them while learning about the story of Jesus and Bethlehem. In early December, one class is going to visit Providence Manor where the children will 'gift' their Nativity Project to the residents.  How sweet is that!?

The second concept within the Nativity Project is an exhibition to be held at our church, St. Paul the Apostle on Taylor Kidd Blvd in Kingston from November 21 - 23rd.

Tony has accumulated more than 300 Nativity sets and will be hosting an exhibition displaying more than 100 of his treasures.  The event is open to the public at no charge and several schools will have students attend as well.

At a time when those of us with Christian beliefs are being persecuted, especially in view of the recent events in Quebec and Ottawa, I felt very strong, confident and empowered when sending out invitations to the Nativity Exhibition.  While we are generally a tolerant and accepting people, welcoming diversity of culture and religion, we can no longer be doing it at the expense of our own views and beliefs.  We don't need to be marching in the streets or entering into conflict, but rather daring to share and be open about what we do believe.  I say that with the view that many of us might need to explore deep within ourselves what we do believe and why we might hesitate to be more open about it.

It's been a shocking time in the history of our nation and while Canada has participated in war and violence, for the most part, it's always been 'away' and we remained secure and comforted in our 'sleep hollow' sort of nation, insulated from the ravages of global conflict.  That changed dramatically  these past couple of weeks and who knows what the future holds in terms of our relative safety.

Providentially, a member of our congregation has organized a 24 hour prayer vigil overnight on November 7th to the morning of November 8th as a show of concern and support for all the victims of violence and war in the world.  There's little we can do, but we can pray.

Anyway, it's now November and the chill is in the air with many of us wondering just where the summer months went - was it the weather, were we all just preoccupied with life?

Who knows but here we are and may we take some time to pause, look around and discern what is really important and shift our priorities as we need to in order to live our lives as fully as we can rather than the lives in the shadow of the expectation of others.
 I'll leave that to your imaginings and musings.......

Until next time, take care and God Bless......
Hugs,
Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the best gifts we can receive".