90:10: Life's events and our Reactions

The last couple of weeks have been made up of travels in a little bit of a valley caught up in the unrelenting blowing winds and snow that come whistling through as you try to make your way to daily destinations.  For most of us that image is more reality than anything given the unrelenting grip of this winter's weather.  What has come up for me several times has been relatively small challenges in day to day living and my own awareness of my reactions to them.

As an admission of my own shortcomings, I must admit that while I have the ability to deal with the big, tough issues of life with relative strength and endurance, it's been counterbalanced by getting tied up in knots by seemingly trivial problems.
 

Reactions that flash like lightning in a summer storm followed by all kinds of internal emotions, most of which are self defeating and worthless if we are truly living life to the fullest.   You might be thinking, what the heck is she going on about with this line of thinking.  It might be easiest to give a couple of small examples that could and would in days gone by, have led to 'kick the dog' syndrome.

A week ago Wednesday we went for massage therapy in the hopes of releasing whatever I've done to my back - more about that in a few minutes - to come home with a plan to have a relaxing hot tub to help wash away the toxins.  We got ready, wrapped in warm robes prepared to face the wet, cold outdoors looking forward to sinking into the warm, swirling waters just waiting to soothe those muscles that had been put through what seemed like a military workout.

Mike opened the tub to find it less than half full with water gently flowing out the side of the unit.  What amazed me was my own reaction.  Standard, past behaviour would be to react instantly, likely throwing arms in the air commenting explicitly about what could possibly be wrong, immediately followed by the creation of catastrophic outcomes in a nano second and lament the crisis that had befallen us.  Seriously, imagine the water coming out and pouring under the snow, eroding the secureness of the retaining wall beneath, thus weakening the concrete pad of the deck, only to have the entire structure become detached from the house and go crashing down into the yard below.  Yup, all that in a nano second.  Doesn't everyone reach those conclusions?

This time though, thanks be to God, my reaction was totally different, simply responding "I guess we aren't having a hot tub today" and "Isn't it great that we planned to come out here today before all the water leaked out and burned out whatever burnable parts are in there like motors and pumps and the like?"  Mike, my own in house Mr. Fix-It had it apart in a matter of minutes to find the problem with one pump or another, called about a replacement and had it repaired within a day or so.  It was also the opportune time to empty, clean and refill for spring!  The (imaginary) dog was spared, the reaction to the problem was a God send and our house remains stable on its foundation!  All this without mentioning the priceless energy that was saved.

Another incident that caused me to observe my own reaction to life's little events happened recently when Mike and I were taking the car (back) to the shop as it wasn't behaving the way it should after having just put major repairs into it.  Both vehicles in fact had major financial attention in, of all months, December!  Off we drive at 8 in the morning with Mike following me down John Counter Blvd. , a very busy street in Kingston.  My plan was to drop the car off and go to 8:30 mass.  On the way, I was trying to anticipate whether Mike would want to take the original route we used to take or go straight ahead on a relatively new section of road.  At one point he seemed pretty far behind me so I jockeyed my position in the traffic to let him catch up.   I ended up going straight through the oncoming, very busy intersection only to look in my rearview mirror to see Mike on the other side, getting out of the truck and looking under the hood!!!!

Hey wait a minute, it's the car that's going in, not the truck and we just had it repaired as well.  I made a u-turn, got back to pull in behind him and put on the four way flashers so oncoming traffic could go around.  The truck had simply 'died', lost all power, everything electrical had shut off and it refused to even get through one of the morning's busiest intersections.  I steered with no power steering as Mike pushed the dead beast to the side of the road.  And yes, again, it was raining and cold.

But hey, within two minutes, a great big Bell truck pulls up behind Mike with another Bell vehicle behind.  I almost laughed out loud because my delayed reaction of creating yet another catastrophic event, allowed me to see God's humour in the situation.  These guys work with Mike at Bell Canada and recognized him trying to maneuver the truck off the road.

Had we taken the turn I'd been considering, we would have missed them and had to deal with CAA or who knows what else to get the problem dealt with.  As things turned out, they were able to boost the truck, Mike was able to get it to the shop and the truck went in rather than the car and we made it to 8:30 mass just on time!

Perhaps by now I've bored you to tears with the trivial matters that we've dealt with and question why I would see such deep meaning in them.  As the saying goes though, 'life is 10% of what happens and 90% in how we react'.  Doesn't that warrant examining our reactions to seemingly inconsequential events to learn more about how our own psyche works and responds?  Don't get me wrong, I can and do work at being flexible and 'going with the flow', but there have been far too many times that my limbic system takes over and creates all sorts of anxiety for no good reason.  It's welcome relief to be able to remain emotionally detached from such matters and develop an ability to 'keep calm and carry on.'  Leave even the most trivial of matters in God's hands.

                            My friend Martha has often used the image of leaving problems in God's inbox.

 In my own efforts to put this into practice, I would imagine putting matters that were troubling right there for Him to take on.  As a means of managing my impatience, to even think about the issue was taking it back out of God's inbox and who knows, that could have been the exact moment He was ready to pick it up and help me out!  It was a very effective way to practice stretching my tolerance levels.

Ok now on to the physical aspects of my existence, primarily because I have been told by many people it's a good way to keep informed as to my progress or lack thereof.  A couple of weeks ago there was an article in the paper about a research study that Queen's University is conducting on individuals who are overweight and inactive.  Hey, that's me I thought so called up to see if I might qualify given my health challenges.  The student listened carefully as I explained my situation to make sure they had all the details to determine my eligibility.  A couple of days later I received an email response that said:
'Despite illness and your weight gain it is in fact your active lifestyle that makes you ineligible for this study. You are simply too active! Keep up the good work!'

I have been working with Tracy, a personal trainer who has been over a few times now helping to build a fitness routine that fits my new, rounder self.  After a couple of sessions she came to the conclusion her job was not to get me to do the exercises but to keep me from overdoing them!  Imagine anyone thinking such a thing about me?  Seems to be a common theme.

Now just a few short weeks later I have clearly overdone my trainer's instructions and am nursing a back that won't cooperate when I try to walk.  Virtually any other activity is achievable including bending, squatting, turning, just don't put weight on my legs and try to walk.  I've been looking like a shuffling octogenarian and can only think I've overdone the exercises in my enthusiasm.  Given the events of the past number of months, I didn't want to fool around with a sore back so went to the doctor last Friday and had X-rays done to rule out any further fractures.  As a result, today, and for the next couple of weeks, all exercise has been cancelled to give whatever parts of my anatomy are angry, a chance to calm down.  Time to shrink the world again, given the fatigue that comes along with the pain.  Some of us really do choose the hard paths don't we?

While my weight seemed to level off for a while, a couple more pounds may have slipped on so I've chosen to ignore them and simply not get on the scale!  It's so humorous to go out these days and be able to walk right past people I've know for years to have them simply look right past me.  I don't even have to put on sunglasses to be incognito.  Do you think it's the short hair?

The reality of the situation, which I remind myself is that I didn't gain all this weight and can now draw a line and work on a permanent reduction by watching what I eat and getting more active.  While those things will definitely help and I will do my utmost to be proactive, the reality is that every day I am ingesting 320 mg of a medication that causes significant fluid retention and a voracious appetite.  Every day is day one of starting over to deal with the side effects.  Having said that, when I start heading to a pity party I remind myself I only take 2 anti-cancer pills a day, and compare my profile to that of a diabetic who has to check their blood 3,4 or more times a day, inject insulin, deal with dizzying fluctuations in blood sugar and the myriad of complications that can be life threatening.  I'm blessed.

It's time to look forward to the sunshine, the promise of new life and a renewed sense of hope for the future.

It's time for spring cleaning of not only our homes, but of our hearts and minds that may have become overcrowded with cobwebs of fear and anxiety that have no business taking up our valuable head and heart space.  It's often said the best way to make yourself feel better is to do something nice for someone else.  I needed to make myself feel better today so have done just that…….. I won't tell you what that might be …….. it's the magic of the healing that comes along with the deed.

Until next time, take care of yourself, take care of someone else and try putting something into God's inbox!

God Bless,
Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the best gifts we can receive".