2013 in Review and a Look Ahead or 'A Peek in the Rearview Mirror and a View to the Future'

Happy New Year and welcome to 2014 - may the year ahead bring health, happiness and healing.

As I've ventured out a little during the Christmas season, many people are finding out for the first time about my adventures in prayer and medicine.  It seems logical then that I do a brief review of 2013 for those who like 'just the facts' so here it is:

• January through April was occupied with four rounds of chemo with a view to curing the high risk endometrial cancer that was diagnosed in August 2012.
• Mid April I pulled something in my back which seemed muscular rather than mechanical but progressed painfully through May despite various attempts at relief.  My medical team was aware and approving of my course of treatment.
• June 5th brought another major fall down a rabbit hole when the L1 vertebrae burst in my back as I was going down the stairs to the family room. 
• A major  7 hour surgery on June 9th resulted in a titanium cage replacing the L1 and two metal rods from the T11 to L3 to prevent further erosion.  The fear of an impending tumour causing the fracture was dispelled but 5 rounds of radiation were done as a precaution.
• Scans for my back turned up cells in my liver which was biopsied June 28th.  July 9th confirmed the spread from the endometrium to the liver resulting in hormone treatment to slow the growth.  
• October cat scan showed continued cell growth so another doubling of meds (oral - just two pills a day) resulting in now a 35 pound weight gain due to fluid retention and ferocious appetite.  Somehow having cancer and a huge appetite seem mutually exclusive.  Oh well, eat I have!
• Further cat scan end of November has satisfied my oncology team that the meds have kicked in, doing their job in holding back any further growth of cells in my liver.  We are now stable and as long as this holds, I can remain on this treatment indefinitely while managing the side effects of the increased weight.
• December oncology visit - advice was to enjoy the holidays, make plans to do what I'd like and come back in a couple of months - no cat scan required.  The only caveat is to report in should I feel unwell for a period of 2 weeks or longer.

Now for the philosophical pondering about the adventures and the future.  I continue to feel guided and remain open to the signs that I believe God puts in front of me to seize and use as I choose.  

2014 is bringing a period of Self Healing through a variety of activities that will require planning and self discipline.  Research has proven that those individuals who undertake what I refer to as 'soul work' fare much better than those who rely solely on passive medical intervention.  I leave the medical aspects of my care to the professional oncology team; after all God works through them to provide the best care possible and I don't want my life to be defined by my illness or by chasing every rabbit that comes into sight as a possible 'cure'. 

I'm sitting here in my jammies as I seem to have been doing many mornings (and into noontimes) and relishing the ability to do so after 35 years of full time plus go, go, go, go, go…….

My focus needs to be on taking the opportunity that has been provided to 'be with myself' and discern the next phase of my life.  I am learning so much through these adventures and daring to become who I am meant to be which includes a whole new level of spirituality and oneness with the world around me.  I am thankful for the time that I am being provided and look forward to planning the future based on the strong foundation on which I'm building my growing faith.  

The unwavering support and knowledge that so many of you are 'in my corner' helps a lot especially since many have been through this experience.   As one's world shrinks and many of life's defining features that highlight who you are - or better yet - what  you do - are stripped away leaving a sense of vulnerability, emptiness and of loss.

While I know many of you are not overly 'religious', I've been practicing filling my own feeling of 'emptiness' that comes from time to time by asking God to step in and remind me that I'm never truly alone and that my very first relationship is with Him because He made us to always have that little naughing feeling that can't be filled in any other way.  Even from those we love most; if I expect Mike to fill that need, I'm creating impossible expectations for him in the process.  So instead I imagine myself leaning back and resting right in the palm of God's hand and relaxing in the knowledge that He knows exactly what I need.

I am blessed for the way I have been so gently guided through my adventures.  Despite the factual 'gravity' of the situation, I've been only fatigued enough to get some true rest, only in pain enough to remind me of my humanness and vulnerability and only inactive enough to spend time building my relationship with God. 

I hope today and the year ahead goes well for all of you.  You are in the midst of your own adventures and hopefully you are being led in ways that use your unique and genuine qualities that will allow others to feel His love through direct contact with you.  

Until next time, be open to the wonder that each day brings and provides us with a chance to grow.  God Bless and take care,

Hugs

Liz