Start this, Stop that, Offset Here and Go From There

I'm joining you this morning in more of a state of fog and fatigue than I expected, so bear with me as I recall our past couple of weeks.  In order to avoid repetition, I reread the last post before starting and much of what I've been pondering has already been said or done.  Ok, now for some new tales!

Medical update at the forefront had us filing into KGH, sans our dear friend Tess who was in T.O. caring for her grandsons for several days as they competed through hockey and basketball tournaments.  I've never seen someone so carefree in their time devoted to close family, well, I suppose other than my aunt and uncle when we were younger, who ran around the province for other sports activities with their own children.  In both cases these women weren't committed to full time employment restricting their own schedules.  Having said that, my aunt, now 80, never did learn to drive so my uncle carried the load; thank goodness he always enjoyed driving.  Alright, back on track, to the present where I'm not reminiscing into the past, much more rose filled than the current moment.

My weight fluctuations have continued in the range of 5-7 pounds; yesterday I was down to 122.2, yikes don't want to go much lower.  Yet in a way I feel so much like my old self. Other than of course, leaping into the cycle of taking one med to counteract the side effects of another.  How does that work in my case you might wonder?  

Most important is to start a pancreatic enzyme (called Creon) to help my body absorb the fat and protein intake and not just have it slide right through in the matter of a few hours (hours you say?  Maybe less!)  Very strange to have an appetite and lose weight.  One thing I don't understand is how people can lose weight in such a way and not really notice the symptoms.  The context of this is pretty much the same as taking Beano when about to eat gaseous food like beans, broccoli and so many more.  You take it at the start of your meal, either one or two capsules, and while just starting yesterday, improvement noted!  Yay at least a start.

Well, I'm staying on Dexamethasone (Dex) to help with fatigue and create some dusting of energy.  Oh but it must be taken with food to avoid stomach problems.  Just in case get some over the counter Ranitidine to coat the lining.  Ok, got it.  Oh yes, it will also help offset potential stomach ache from the Dex.  

I will move from grazing much of the day to more defined meals and snacks leading to 3 meals 3 snacks and taking 1-2 enzymes each time.  Too bad, I've just sort of gotten used to grazing, but then it's too easy to open mouth, insert food and feel too full after a short while of this practice, especially when not getting exercise or activity.  So far my favourite thing to do of going to the pool has not resumed but then who would want to be the 'wanted culprit' for soiling the public pool at the Y!  I'm sort of feeling stretched between becoming a poster child for Weight Watchers and Erma Bombeck sliding along with a large bowl of ice cream in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other!

A rather surprising visit from our Church Pastor last week gave us a chance to bring him up to date on our Adventures over the past 6 years, most of which he had no idea.  Part of the impact, I could tell was he, Mike and I are the same age within a year of one another, giving him a perspective from a different perspective.  What I mean by it, is I was very open with my open opinions, values and beliefs from where I sat without questioning or wondering how many other situations similar to mine he's encountered.  Sure he's likely dealt with lots of people who were also on the 'exit ramp', but each person's experience is as unique as the person involved.  And we are all relatively young.

The conversation with Fr. Amato led me to an observation of our Church Community and my concern about 'notifying' people in change in status health wise and not wanting to have to repeat myself ad nauseam about my obvious decline.  This is the first time physical signs are appearing leaving others to understand, supported by my blog, of the path we're on.  Not yet having perfected my 'elevator speech', I find myself stumbling over words I've heard others use which don't resonate well within me.  What is actually comforting is how members of our faith community can almost intuitively approach asking how I am without asking.  They reframe former inquiries like 'How are you doing?' to a much more gentle way of offering prayers of support rather than some false sense of hope which likely no longer exists.  

On reflection, one thing very important to me is to be authentic in my story, real without being maudlin and sincere without being flip or light handed.  I just want it to be mine.

I'd like to close today with a quote from a daily reflection I receive from another member of our faith community titled 'Focus for Today' that caught my eye and sums up some of what's been happening in our lives of late.

Renew relationships

"With a fireplace, you must occasionally pick up the poker and stir up the coals so that the ashes do not bury them. So too, every once in  a while, it is necessary to make a deliberate choice to revive our mutual love, to revive our relationships so they are not covered by ashes of apathy, indifference, egoism ."  Chiara Lubich  (The Peal of the Gospel  p65).

Take care and until next time, hugs and God Bless,

Liz

dobbsjones@gmail.com

"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."