The biggest news to start this message is the fact I'm sitting here alive and well to do so. What is that all about you ask. Well, Tuesday we were sitting down to a wonderful turkey pot pie, homemade by a dear friend ready to enjoy her culinary expertise. After only a few bites, yes, the unthinkable happened. A large piece of turkey slipped into my esophagus, clearly not well chewed as it decided to simply sit despite several failed attempts to swallow. I got up motioning to Mike it was stuck although I can't recall if I actually was able to talk, which I knew was a sign there's still air going through. I motioned for him to whack me on the back, no luck. He sort of tried the abdominal thrust to dislodge it without success and led me to the bathroom to try whatever else might work. After a few more whacks and trying to make myself sick caused something to shift. Mike instructed me to raise my arms and relax. Clearly it worked or I would not be around to tell the tale.
You might ask what went through my mind during this real life threatening episode. Yes, I did think of Mama Cass choking on a piece of chicken. I know I relied fully and completely on Mike to rescue me from this dilemma. My greatest surprise and disappointment was not turning to prayer to help me through. Was there an inner sense of calm or confidence I would be ok? I'm not sure. One conclusion I drew from this whole event was I don't really think dying is going to be too hard. After all, I wasn't in any real pain and, after a while, I would probably have blacked out, gone to the white light (no I didn't get anywhere near that stage) without returning. Certainly something to ponder since so many people fear the possible pain and suffering connected with leaving this world. Perhaps it's much easier than we think. Some say being born is a much more difficult process than dying.
A story for another day is my entry into this world with my mother's water breaking at six months into her pregnancy. She apparently had to lay flat on her back while I continued the pre-birth growth and development needed to get out alive. Imagine that with an 18 month older brother running around the house!
This week we had a very long wait for a very short appointment with the oncologist. Vital signs are all ok with the usual question of whether my blood pressure is usually low. Yes, I respond, typically 90's over 50's. An update on the CA125 blood test, or tumour marker, last reported at 114 is down to 95 (vs. over 1600 when we started and the average person should be at 35). All is trending in the right direction meaning the chemo is working and I'm cleared to start Cycle 5 over the next 3 weeks.
I've been getting back to the pool for an hour a day 3-5 days a week over the past while and must admit, as usual, I feel much better afterward. Next step will be to make the much needed appointments with the physiotherapist for exercises to ease my back muscles and Dr. Cao to book a session of acupuncture. One of the side effects of this cancer drug is neuropathy, tingling pain in the hands and feet with possible loss of feeling. So far I've only had the odd sense of tingling without any noticeable impediment. Given it's a link to the nervous system and acupuncture treats the nervous system, I have confidence it will help counteract any neuropathy trying to invade my system.
Overall health wise, I'm on a good run without any major concerns. I'm practicing more self awareness by taking time to review how I'm feeling, giving up to God any stiff or aching joints, offering it for the rescue of others. Sort of like a spiritual life preserver for others who might not get to heaven without a little intervention. At least that's what a new friend introduced me to today. I will have to read further into this concept where many people who are sick, in pain offer up their suffering for God to use wherever He sees it needed most. It sort of makes some sense to think we aren't just dealt a lousy hand of cards. We can, if we're up for it, take it on as an offering of mercy to others. Helps me to think of it as an alternative.
I had someone mentions they look forward to my God winks and I had a couple these past couple of weeks. One interesting one was I offered to drop off a package at a friend's on my way home from downtown. My brain was being nagged not to go. No, just go home and sit down. You can go tomorrow. I'm thinking though, the better thing to do is not procrastinate and just stop, drop the package, make someone feel good and go home. Yes, I stopped and as I put the car in park I noticed her house keys dangling from the lock on the outside. So that's why I was being called to go to her today. She's alone at home this week, it's a very new experience and I know the feeling what it's like not to be able to find my keys. Or worse, the thought of someone taking advantage and just walking in or taking the the keys and cause more problems later. Thank you Holy Spirit for guiding me and mostly for giving me the ears to hear your Divine whisper.
Just yesterday morning I received a random email from a former colleague who now lives in Ottawa, asking me what I was doing. Huh? I texted back, just getting ready to have lunch with another former colleague. Her reason for making contact was to let me know she dreamt last night of me and my son Matt, who she knew as a toddler. She was very detailed in her description and how much delight it brought her for us to be together and my son to be so mischievous.
As I went off to lunch I thought how this person and I had worked together over 30 years ago, not always on the best of terms, but each demonstrating respect for the other and their work ethic. And here we are still keeping in contact. She even accepted our invitation last year when coming to Kingston, to stay over, which was great. During lunch I reminisced with yet another colleague how we started working together over 20 years ago and what's gone on in the meantime. Remember, life is what happens in the meantime. It was somehow comforting, like a warm blanket to be able to share memories many of the good times and fun we had working together. I'm not sure what it means to connect with these two long time acquaintances within a couple of hours of each other, but I put it on my giant virtual whiteboard to see if God is sending me a message of some kind. I do my best to remain open.
As I'm mulling these occurrences in my mind, I shared breakfast with a newcomer to Kingston and our Church. When I first saw her, she seemed like someone I'd like to get to know. It's taken a few months but we finally connected. Her story was about how she'd lived in the same community her whole life within a kilometre of her parents, worked in the same city and had all her faith connections close at hand. She shared with me how she prayed about retirement, moving to Kingston to be closer to a grown child and their family. She prayed frequently, she prayed asking for specific guidance and remained open to whatever means God might choose to communicate with her. The outcome was amazing on how things unfolded and, obviously she and her husband did move to Kingston in the last year or so. We whole heartedly acknowledged the challenges our own parents had moving to Canada in the 1950's, leaving everything behind to start life anew. No job, no home and not speaking the language. But they persevered, settled into communities, accepting whatever work was available and made a new life and home here.
I can't help but wonder if the two examples I share here are linked in some odd way. Here I've been enjoying reconnecting with long time friends only to meet someone who was guided to give it all up (sort of) and move to a city where their only real connection was this family member. And yet she's received confirmation she and her spouse are definitely on the right path. There is more to this story which is absolutely fascinating. When I look at those little plaques that say 'With God All Things Are Possible', I can't help but think how true it is when I hear stories like today. It takes faith, trust and true belief to ignite the flame of the Holy Spirit but once ignited, I believe it's hang on and get ready for the ride of your life.
When I came home from today after chemo, I did my usual daily Bible reading along with three books of daily prayers and stories to be reviewed during Lent. I was taken aback on how similar they were to the discussions at breakfast today. That too is a God Wink. It's nice to know I'm on the right path as I move along taking one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.
Take care and until next time,
Hugs and God Bless
Liz
p.s. I wrote almost half of this post, post-chemo so may be experiencing a little brain fog and not so clear on my thinking.
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"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive".
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