You may be wondering what good reason I've come up with to postpone another post to these adventures. Well, it's not really a 'good' reason. After all, I was prepared to have it ready to go before the 15th of the month, being my self imposted goal.
It has everything to do with a remark from a long time nurse on what my Dad could expect when he went home from hospital after a 2 week stay at KGH. Let this one sink in for a moment: For every day in bed (hospital), you must give yourself a full week to recover. Pardon???
Definitely a wise comment for those of us action oriented individuals who feel like we've layed around long enough while unwell. We cannot, in fact, return home with any sort of expectation of picking up where we left off. It takes time to recover. Lots of time.
Fast forward to the last couple of months having spent a full ten days in hospital from mid to almost end of November. Ok, that's simple math, ten weeks for ten days. Are you kidding me? You mean from November 24th I have 10 weeks to look forward to convalescing and being kind to myself?!?! All the way to the first of February? Well, what I can tell you is from the time I returned home until now, it's been a time of slow motion, lots of cat naps, some days more like Rip Van Winkle, wondering just how much time I needed to give in to sleeping. Reminder alert - ten weeks for ten days - ok, pressure's off, we're only at eight weeks, 2 more to go. Listen to your body. In summary, a sound advice from a sage nurse who's seen her share of patients head home expecting they can simply pick up where they left off. The result? A slam dunk into deep fatigue and possibly even depression from the aftermath of their illness. It's been a gentle reminder for me, like a warm fuzzy blanket rather than a whack on the head reminding me I'm still recovering.
All of this said without even touching on the fact I am in the midst of chemo treatment. It brings its own side effects, trampling on my immune system like those mud slides in California. And I'm one of the lucky ones who can get through treatments without feeling the torrents of many of those negative reactions.
Yesterday I was given the news about the results of the CA125 marker. You may remember it's called a 'tumour marker', just one of the tests used to measure the effectiveness of chemo. A repeat of earlier discussions I've shared to remind us the average person's CA125 should be around 35. When this round of adventures began mid summer and onward, at some point a decision was made to do the CA125 blood test to determine in one way where we are in my case. Apparently it was over 1600! Yesterday was the first time I heard that result. From then, whenever 'then' was, to now, yesterday, the CA125 had dropped to 114! Miraculous? Sort of I guess. After all we've only completed two cycles of chemo and starting the third tomorrow out of a total of six. No wonder I'm feeling better overall. Maybe that's why I've been so sleepy much of the time. It's been restorative sleep, helping my body rebound from yet another overgrowth of weeds in my internal garden!
I'm not sure if I've mentioned the referral to a social worker through my family doctor to discuss the challenges I'd been experiencing with constant rumination about the 'permanence' of my illness. Mike and I attended one session prior to our Pilgrimage and I followed up with a second session on my own after our return. It was with a light heart I could share her intervention was no longer required thanks to the conversation I'd had with God about His plans, my healing and final outcomes. I explained how, well into our trip, I'd concluded and discussed with God how if healing my body wasn't in His plan, that's ok. If that's the case, then please heal my spirit in order that I can deal with whatever is to come. He listened, and, I believe it worked. Whether some miraculous healing is still in store for me, that's great and if not, that's ok. I'm feeling so much better overall. Hey, maybe that's partly why I'm sleeping so much. Recovering from the release of the weight (mentally and physically) I'd been carrying around for a very long time, wondering what the future might hold. All that, despite my constant efforts to make the best of my situation every day. Hmmmm, perhaps underlying worry I was repressing.
When the social worker mentioned I'd been dealing with my situation with dignity and humility I felt like she'd read my Personal Mission Statement written five years ago where I mentioned "...if this is my cross to bear, may I do so with Humility, Dignity and Grace." To hear someone say the words out loud made me feel like I'd passed a long term exam.
Lots of positive affirmation in recent weeks includes a comment from Brooke, our stepdaughter (I only say step for context) and mom of three of our grandkids, Ayden 9, Azlyn, 7 and Matilda 3. She told me she has never talked to the kids about Grandma being sick or having cancer. They have never questioned the physical changes or asked me or their mom about it. As much as they knew, I'd hurt my back at one point and had to be careful with picking them up. Never though, had they commented on weight gain, hair loss or other changes in appearance. Isn't that wonderful, how many children don't notice the outward changes but do notice the internal ones.
A little comment from Azlyn one day warmed my heart immensely when she quietly told me how kind she thought I was. Aaahh, how sweet is that?
Another granddaughter, Ella, our six year old came right out asking me how my health was, followed immediately by 'Do you have cancer?' Believing in giving the honest answer I replied I do have cancer, she acknowledged knowing about it as a little girl from school was bald and just as quickly went on to other subjects of interest. A short, honest, simple answer was all that was required for this little inquisitive mind.
God Winks have been sprinkled over the past couple of weeks like icing sugar on a freshly baked donut. Since I'm tending to be long winded today, I will only share a couple which come to mind.
I stopped in to have some sewing work done lately, earlier than I'd expected as a previous meeting ended early. While there a woman came in, who, after a few moments became very familiar to me, to the point I suggested her name 'Rosemarie?', no, oh, well, um 'Karen?', she nodded, then I mentioned her maiden last name. After a few blinks we realized who each other was, even though we hadn't spoken to one another for many years. I became closer friends with her and her late husband during the last few months of his life suffering, and dying from, ALS. Only recently I've connected with a former neighbour whom I haven't spoken to in years to learn she has been diagnosed with ALS. True God Winks, each of which need to have their own dot on my virtual white board and I'm to remain open to how I might make the connection Holy Spirit has presented.
You may have heard about the visit to Kingston from a group representing a relic of St. Francis of Xavier last week in Kingston. I had no plans to go down to St. Mary's to view the relic until a close friend called to see if I was going. Her husband suggested it, mentioning I would most probably be going, leading her to call me which tipped my decision maker to yes and agreeing to meet there. As it turned out, none of us had plans to go, but in the end, all three of us went and were pleased to have done so. I thanked Holy Spirit for leading us there and learned St. Francis was a roommate of one of my 'Heroic Saints', St. Ignatius of Loyola. This may not seem like a big deal, hardly worth mentioning, but it's the type of example I've learned to be mindful of and following God's plan for my days. Little samples like those I've mentioned help me to remain open to the surprises I can enjoy every day, spending time in ways I wouldn't have thought of otherwise.
The last one for today is meeting with a fellow I hadn't seen for a long time, but met after one of the Healing Masses at St. Mary's. I've talked about our chance meeting before and how we agreed we would get together after one such mass to catch up. It was planned for January 5th. The night before, my mind was going around in circles whether to go; oh it's too cold; oh do I even want to go out; you can go any other first Friday of the month; just send him and email and postpone, and on and on it went. I got up Friday morning and decided it was Satan who was needling away at me not to go, as I learned later.
I met up with my new friend, after mass and over lunch mentioned I wanted to ask him about an individual connected to Queen's. He just looked at me and said she was an old friend of his. Bingo, no wonder Satan didn't want us to connect. We just might be able to do some evangelizing together by having further conversations and discussion. I learned quickly how he works with Queen's students to figure out what paths they might take as their education and life unfolds. I'm guessing sort of like a high school guidance counsellor? As it turns out, he uses his role to encourage students to think about and figure out what life means to them. Not so much from a work/life perspective but from the greater perspective of creation, spirituality and belief systems. What a refreshing discussion to have!!!
In closing I want to share one of the cutest stories I've heard in a long time. I have a couple of very dear friends at the Sisters of Providence of St. Vincent de Paul. It's such a blessing to have them in my life for over twenty years now. For many of those years, they have been the recipients of my 'secret weapon', that being homemade peanut brittle. I've learned they share it among their housemates to some extent so several bags of candy are delivered at Christmas and birthdays. Over time, many have commented to my friends how much they enjoy the sweets on those special occasions. What I learned this year is at Christmas, each sister writes on a piece of paper, what they'd like for Christmas. One nun, who is 99 years old, wrote a single item on her paper "Peanut Brittle"!
Recently they shared a little more about the candy. As news is spread about the arrival of treats, word reaches the recreation room and the race is on. Their 99 year old Sister is the first to arrive as her room is so close by! You can see and hear the reactions of many! This tidbit was shared with us as a way to show what pleasure and joy such a simple gesture brings to many. I thought it might bring a smile to you as well. On that note, I'll sign off until next time.....
Take care and God Bless,
Hugs,
Liz
dobbsjones@gmail.com
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive."
Wonderful to hear your update and will keep you in prayer as always. Blessings and love, Catherine
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