An Early Christmas Gift

In reviewing some of my last posts, it doesn't look like I told you about the minor irritation I developed likely sometime in October.  It's an itch that seems to limit itself to my extremities, like feet, ankles, hands and arms.  Pop a Claritin and 30 minutes later sanity returns although I've never had any known allergies.

 One of the worst parts of course is that I can't really reach my feet to scratch; Maggie continues to get in the way.  Besides the doctor told me it's best if you can avoid scratching because it actually begets more itching - oh yes the vicious circle.  

I was coping with this relatively benign problem fairly well until I made the mistake of doing a little search on the Internet.  Allergies don't typically just show up at this stage of life so even my efforts to narrow down the cause was a futile attempt at resolving the matter.  But oh no, what do I find?  In some obscure page, likely somewhere in the middle of the million plus sites I could go to, it talks about potential problems with liver function.  All my faith was blown out the window in a nano second with me convinced that seeing 2015 was just wishful thinking.  After much self coaching and rationalization, I was able to pull myself back together and not feel like Humpty Dumpty having just had a great fall.  Even though I am back sitting on the wall, I have to admit there have been some moments in the last month that I have felt myself teetering, wondering where I might fall.

During my last visit to my family doctor, who is new to me as the previous one decided to head to New Zealand for a change of pace, we discussed this latest symptom and she readily ordered bloodwork to test for any abnormalities.  We agreed she would call if there were any problems.  She called a few days later; I saw the number on the phone; oh-oh, here we go; this is it.  In fact, she was just being kind and considerate by calling to tell me that the results were all in line, reviewed each test that was done with no significant variances and in fact a number of them were very, very good. Who could ask for more? Christmas came early!

My internal, mercurial reactions from time to time are almost heart stopping in their intensity and if truth be known at least they are not as visceral as they used to be.  As well, it really doesn't take a lot of time to grasp the information, process it and put it where it belongs in our lives and accept whatever might come with it.  We were able to do that throughout this time of uncertainty and I realize these last few weeks can be considered quite normal emotionally when your health is compromised.  One can only hope for a stable, even sense of calm which is elusive even when in the best of health.

The bottom line is there is no real explanation for the allergic type of itch I've developed and if we can control it with an over the counter antihistamine, we'll leave well enough alone.  I pray every day that Mike would be relieved of his symptoms of excema which manifests itself as an almost constant itch.  As I experience a very tiny sampling of what he lives with day in and day out, I may have to put my prayers into overdrive!

Part of my responsibility to myself is to invest in physical activity within my limitations.  Having always been a fairly active individual, one of the hardest things is to not overdo it as I've written about before.  This year has been a bit of a roller coaster ride with starting fitness only to injure myself and having to abandon it until I could recover.  I mentioned recently that I've tried yet another program - that of walking in the pool at the Y.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that I have found something that works for me and that I enjoy to the point that I actually look forward to going despite the school yard antics that go on sometimes, leaving you wondering how people can continue such things into old age.  With the variety of techniques I've been using, I don't suppose I'll ever qualify for the Olympic synchronized swim team or even any kind of aquatic ballet but what I can do is escape into my own imagination and let my thoughts drift where they might, untethered and allowed to escape into full flight to who knows where.

Another interesting experience is when members of one organization or another bring young adults who face multiple challenges for what is sure to be an outing that allows freedom from some of the constraints they face every day.  It surprised me more than a little when someone asked me one day if they 'bothered me'.

I hope the incredulous thoughts I had didn't show up on my face which is normally the case.  Once I composed myself I gently replied that I believe they are angels that reflect to us, life on so many levels and if nothing else, our awareness of our place in this world.  A young man, with the most dazzling blue eyes and long eyelashes that any girl would covet, sat in his wheelchair (that day his caregiver forgot her bathing suit so he was confined to poolside)  keeping eye contact as I plodded along from one end to the other.  Before long, smiles were exchanged and before long, he blew a kiss!  Can you imagine how magical that was?  A young man trapped in his body, using his eyes to make contact and develop rapport with a perfect stranger.  How special is that!?  A friend who was with me that day told me to stop flirting, only to smile knowing it would continue.  Another young man arrives regularly with his caregiver to walk the perimeter of the pool.  He loves to talk to anyone anytime which makes it enjoyable to coax him in front of his caregiver to keep moving.  His response?  A finger pointing with his best Dirty Harry impression of 'Go ahead, make my day' which means I must topple over as though shot, causing him to go into gales of laughter.  When I think that I only spend a few short minutes interacting with some of these individuals, my respect for the people who choose a vocation to provide full time care to developmentally disabled children and adults simply skyrockets.  It warms the heart to know there are those out there in our world who see humanity for what it is, fragile, often broken, and in need of a helping hand.  When I watch them, it reminds me not to be so smug as to think I'm doing everything I can for others.  There is so much room in our world to do just some small thing for someone else.

Generosity comes at this time of year - Christmas, yes Christmas - not some obscure holiday that no one dares to name.  Generosity does not need to come in the form of the material goods that every TV station, every radio station, every mall literally shouts out at us, buy this, buy that, knock down the person next to you to get the latest toy that will be played with for what seems like a minute.

No, generosity can take the form of taking a minute to do something for someone that may never know it came from you.  We've heard lots of examples and, increasingly more of late, which is a blessing in today's war torn world.  I don't tweet but have heard about the hashtag I'll ride with you in support of Muslims afraid to take public transit.  How simple yet brilliant was that idea!?

Talking about generosity, I must tell you about our dinner experience last night.  About two weeks ago we received a call from a local restaurant asking when we'd like to book reservations.  Thankfully we know who was calling but still responded with a dumbstruck reaction since we hadn't planned any such dinner.  No, that's true we were told, but someone, unknown to the restaurant instructed them to call us to book a time for dinner - and the bill would be taken care of.  After much giggling and marvelling at who was behind this caper, we booked a time.  Needless to say the feeling was more than just a little flattering that someone would think of such an idea and keep it a secret from us and the restaurant.

We arrived for dinner and were told the manager, at that point, still had no idea who it was but was to open a note of instruction after the meal.  How fun is that?  We had ourselves convinced of who it was only to learn we were totally wrong!  As it turns out, we went to dinner on the 30th anniversary of me moving to Kingston, and my brother Andrew, who visited us that weekend in 1984, was the one who was behind this totally awesome gift.  If you think about it, it's one thing to be given a gift certificate for a birthday dinner and quite another to be led on a caper of mystique and intrigue.  I also must admit, that such a gift left us feeling very, very special and honoured.  Neither us nor the restaurant had ever had such an experience before so it was most fun for all of us!  Thanks Andy!!!!!

I'm pleased to say that both of the lingering projects I got myself involved in have now concluded including debriefings for both!  Isn't that a nice way to 'wrap up' the year.  I learned a couple of things as a result of following through to the final completion.  Another so simple yet seemingly brilliant idea popped into my head as such things do and make me feel like a bowl of Rice Krispies having freshly poured milk over me!

 I'd really like to know where some of these ideas were hiding when they really could have made life easier when working.  As many of you probably do, I kept an email folder for each event and simply dumped all correspondence into the folder once dealt with.  From there, in preparation for the debrief, I simply reviewed the email folder, pulled out issues that had come up during the planning process and used those as input for the debrief, thus making sure comments were much more objective than had I simply read the input form, thought off the top of my head which is what I normally do and jot down a few vaguely remembered points.  A new approach leaving a much greater sense of completion.  Best part of it?  Delete the entire folder!

When I told Mike I was careful not to commit to next year, he chuckled before proceeding to share his observation on my behaviour when it comes to events and activities.  Who is this new Mike who is willing to share his thoughts and ideas like never before?  What did he see in me you ask?  He sees someone who views their role similar to the starter at a race track.  There's great energy in the air, anticipation and enthusiasm.  They're at the post, waiting to burst onto the track and head for the finish line.  What I seemingly love to do, he says, is pull the trigger on the starting gun.  Incredulous, I asked if he thought I followed through to the finish line.  Calmly he replied, 'no, you've lost interest by then' because you're already off to the next race to generate enthusiasm and excitement, get everyone worked up, pull the trigger and move on to the next start.  There are just so many races to start!

It's an interesting concept to ponder.  Funny how I'm learning all these things about myself when the impact on my day to day life is seemingly less important.  But is it?  I don't know.  All I can do is stay open to how my life will continue to be shaped in ways that I can live every day to the fullest.

It's only fitting to finish off with a thought or two on Christmas, how this time of waiting, expectation and preparation needs to be the focus however possible in the midst of the frantic rushing around trying to fill stockings and purchase the perfect gift especially for those people who never seem to get around to making a list.  These people seem to have some irrational, subliminal urge to create panic for those hoping to create the perfect Christmas for family and friends.

Have you thought about or had family conversations about your Christmas traditions?  How do our loved ones view this time of  year?  When's the last time you made a conscious decision to reduce the stress of the season?  What did you do?  What did you change?  I had a conversation with my stepson Gabe yesterday to learn his views on Christmas.  Not surprisingly, we feel very similar emotions about the whole gift giving concept since he is not materialistic and I have become far less so in recent times.  Mike and I had a further conversation to compare our views which, not surprisingly are a little different from one another.  Something we did agree upon given our multi layered blended family, there are lots of nuances to be aware of and different family traditions to respect.

 My hope would be to transition toward a greater appreciation for 'the reason for the season', celebrating the birth of Jesus as though it were happening each and every year and not simply thought of as some long ago historical story.

When my next post comes around, we will have seen Christmas come and go and I wish you only joy.  I wish you all that you hope for as it relates to your family, your health, your friends and loved ones.  I wish you a few moments of quiet reflection, to truly appreciate how wonderful our lives are, regardless of our challenges.  As I've said before, when we're at our weakest, those are the times that we are closest to God.  Walk in faith, trusting that our lives are unfolding exactly as they are meant to in keeping with God's will.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.......until next time.
Hugs and God Bless,

Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the greatest gifts we can receive'