Thursday, 1 May 2014

The Experience of Living: A New Spring, Continued Hope

Wow!  Can two weeks have flown by already?  I guess that can happen when you allow new projects to continue to creep into a world that has shrunk so dramatically over the past year and a half.  Spring is here and the abundance of April showers has helped to wash away the dust and sand with Mother Nature doing her spring cleaning as surly as the seasons change.

Let's start by dealing with the usual medical update.  Surprisingly there were no doctor's appointments and I received a call that the cat scan was scheduled for May 16th but, oops, that won't work - more about why in a few minutes.  Spoke with the secretary who promptly had it changed to May 9th along with an appointment with the surgeon within 3 hours to review the results.  Talk about care and compassion to not keep someone waiting!

One of my gyney oncologists called yesterday in response to yet more paperwork that had to be filled out for the insurance company.
Imagine, he'd been away for a period of time, came back Monday to spend likely the day in surgery and by Wednesday to have time to start filling out paperwork for me and apologizing for bothering me with it!  How do these souls do it?  How can they be so highly skilled in artfully dissecting the human body, carving out only what's' necessary and so effortlessly move to completing administrative duties that most of us relish in pushing aside as long as possible!?

To this point I have not been anxious to ask what he puts in the blanks on these reams of forms that are churned out without any known hint of coordination or building on information already previously requested.  It just seems to be a never ending request for the story, the whole story and all the details previously submitted.
I may sound a little harsh in my comments and don't blame the individuals who are actually pushing these wheels but what I don't understand is why there can't be some kind of coordination similar to what is in most dentist's offices, enter some codes, add some notes if needed, press a button and zoom!  Off the document flies into cyberspace, caught miraculously by the same insurance companies that are dealing with medical issues.  Within a couple of days everything is settled without a backward glance.  But I digress, where this was going is what condition my physician reports to those who are inquiring:

I have metastatic endometrial cancer with spine and liver involvement.  I'm still going to carry around my own, altered picture of that description that doesn't include the spine and keep it lodged in my mind as a miracle since there was no pronounced tumour when they did surgery.
The doctors can draw the scientific conclusions they'd like and I will hang onto my faith by believing without having seen.


Easter has come and gone with the experience among all Christians that the miracle of the Resurrection really happened and we can count on and look forward to our own resurrection when the time comes.  You may have read previously that I receive spiritual direction on a monthly basis and our last conversation a week ago was highly insightful.  As much as God doesn't create difficult situations for us, He allows them into our lives with a view to helping us every step along the way to grow and evolve.
 If you can ever take the time for some quiet solitude, consider looking back on some of the most difficult situations in your life and as they wash over you, ponder what you may have gained as a result.  For example, in only the last few years, I learned that the greatest gift my mother gave me by leaving us to 'find herself',when I was five, is an ability to establish very close and deep relationships with women who are older than me.  Do they see that vulnerable 5 year old yearning for the love of a mother?  I don't really know but what I do know is that my life has been richer for it!

By the end of this past meeting, I left Phil, my spiritual coach with a slightly altered and improved view of my current situation.  If God uses times of difficulty, pain and suffering for our greater good, then I feel privileged.  Privileged you ask?  Have I lost my mind?  Yes, that He can put me through my paces with the full confidence that I am capable of using these experiences to do His work in the time I'm here on earth.  And no, because this adventure has been spiritual almost from the beginning.

I talked a little bit last time about the retreat I went on in early April and have learned more about a particular Bible story since then.  You may have heard about a woman, who bled for 12 years and, upon seeing Jesus, walking through a crowd, had faith such that if she simply touched the hem of his garment she would be healed.  And so it was.
At the retreat we were encouraged to put ourselves into the experience and simply be open to what we might see, feel or hear.  I've tried this before but probably tried too hard, typical for me.  But this time it was quite different.  I realized in the quiet solitude of my room and the greater silence enveloping us throughout the weekend that what this woman did was against the social standards of the day, the cultural mores of the times and, potentially against the law.

When I reflected on the story, the word 'courage' jumped out at me and it was from many people who were witness to the incident.  Here was an individual who had enough faith to go against the norm, break with tradition, take tremendous risk, trusting that the outcome would be in her favour.  And so it was.  Further, she had no idea of the effect she was having on the people around her, watching in awe, disdain and many other conflicting emotions, someone who dared to 'take a leap of faith'.  Hmmm is that where that saying comes from?  She would never know the positive impact of her actions on those around her and the ripple effect that could potentially carry on for generations.  She just knew she was doing the right thing (vs. doing things right!).

As the days continue to fly by,  my hope is that each of us can be open to those moments when we need to do what's right and have the courage to do so.

Before I sign off, there are two quick events I'd like to share with you although you've probably heard about one of them - that is if I have your email address!  We have booked a bucket list 3 week trip to Hungary for May 13th, the land of my heritage that I've never seen and will be travelling with my aunt and uncle who've been many times.
My goal is to gain an essence of the country that embraces my roots, the foundations of the culture that shaped our values and belief systems with a hope of a deep seated sense of familiarity.  Growing up in Canada as a first generation Canadian without extended family does have its challenges.  One is not aware of the deep, rich history of their past, the personalities from whom their own traits were drawn, and the true texture of their lives.  It promises to be a deeply moving and emotional experience that we look forward to.

Almost immediately upon our return, I will be participating in the 2014 Relay for Life at RMC here in Kingston on the evening of June 6th, in support of cancer care and research both nationally and here in Kingston.  That would be why, if you received an email from me requesting support, came out so early.  I had to get out there and shamelessly ask for help to raise money for a cause that I honestly never thought I'd be so closely aligned with.

Receiving a cancer diagnosis was never a major concern given that cardiac issues seem to dominate my family tree.  Yet here I am. In my belief that if you're going to commit and do something, you might as well give it your all, you would have received a plea from me!  The response so far has been overwhelming with almost $7,500 raised online.  If you have made a donation, many, many thanks, and if you haven't please consider it!  I have to ask, after all, you likely know I've been a professional fundraiser for over 14 years and volunteered long before that!

Simply go to:

p.s. my pledge goal is a placeholder only - let's hit it out of the park!  

As someone once coached me when I was starting volunteer fundraising, just tell people:
"I owe you the opportunity to support this cause"!
From there leave the decision to the individual.

Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings and if I can get internet access without techno difficulty, I will next be posting from Budapest!

Take care, God Bless and if you're feeling down, just look around and do something for someone that touches your heart.
Hugs
Liz
"Prayers wrapped in faith and sent with love are the best gifts we can receive".

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